Love and longing

Shenna and Dona been away in Kolkata for the last one month and tonight they leave Kolkata on their way to Manila. They will arrive in Manila tommorrow by 1.30pm.

It was so very difficult living without them. Weekends. Going back to the flat from office in the evening. A very quite house. Miserable.

I relaised that I love them dearly and have no existance without them.

The fights, the games, the movies, the drives, eating out, teaching is all my life about.

I miss my mom in Kolkata too. She looked frail this time and kind of lost, finding it difficult to adjust to a life where she doesnt have any say. We will ask her to stay with us when we go back to India.

Today there was a meltdown in the share market everywhere and all the pundits have started talking about dooms day. They are clueless as ever. No one is able to predict much. I picked up some Areva T&D. My father in law seems to be guiding me from heaven who used to hold it and it has aprreciated a lot.

The trick in shhare market, my learnning is, that to buy into good stable compnaies, keep holding, keep monitoring. Go on holding good stocks, in a time span of 20 years it can given one all he would otherwise need a lifetime to earn and more. This is for Shenna. Please listen to baba, okey?

My sincere hope and pray is that I should be able to win few of the challenges in Innocentive. We need money, very badly.

Giving

We all know that giving is good and we sometimes give and feel enormously good about our large heartedness.

Take a pause.

How much I really give? How much difference it makes to the person receiving something from me?

Most I give which doesnt hurt me atall.

I leant something from Satish.

He say,' real giving is something which makes you feel the difference. If we have 1mn $ and he give $500 to charity, he doesnt even realise the difference. But if one have $10000 and he donates $500, then that what is called giving.'

Give so much that it hurts. Thats the essense of real giving. I acepted it.

Do u?

Will we go act it out?

One year in Manila

Shenna completed his first year at ISM. Some of the changes I saw him:

1. He firmly believes pink is girl and blue is boys.
2. He still wants to marry me if asked who he wants to marry.
3. He has learned, may not fully understand that lovers do kiss each other.
4. He claims to be a car collector, bike collector, boat collector, bus collector, plaane collector, dianosaur collector and also collector of marbles.
5. Once I told him thatI had lot of marbles when I was a kid in Baruipur and many times he wanted to go there to get it.
6. He loves books on bikes, cars, aeroplanes and dianosaurs.
7. He got addicted to KFC food. Like his father.
8. He has decided about what he wants to be when he grows up. He wants to be police, a building police (meaning security guard!). Must admit in our apartment building, the guards are extremely well turned up and impressive.
9. He has a price if he has to accompany us to the mall. Its atleast a Tommy car or hot wheels.
10. He loves music and taps away his legs listening to it.
11. He loves to draw and draws well.
12. His best friend in school is Helmy. Helmy got four brothers. He also wants brother now.

Could go on a on. Everyday is a miracle and discovery.

A thought

A guy is diagnosided with a terminal illness andf given only one more month to live. He starts doing all the things dear to him, things which mean the world to him.

If we look at our life and count the number of days vivid in our memory, Im sure we will struggle to count more than 20-30, only we have never asked ourselves what happened to all the other days? Why we cannt remebert these innumerable days? The answer is obviously nothing worthwhile was achived on most of our living days.

We should live assuming today is our last day in the world and made every hour count.

Think. Dream. Live.

Indian Advertisments

Today, I saw hell lot of advertisments air in India last three year.

Its full of problem solution advertisments, allmost all linked to beauty and romance. Most of these used scare to force the consumers to use it, use or pay!

The Balbir Pasha campaign was well thought out idea to increase usage of condoms. It has succeeded in creating awareness by piggy backing on a problem. So according to Lowe, condom is not about birth control while bonsing but its fun & pleasure without having to pay a price for it.

May be I got it wrong. May be it was a aids awareness campaign in which case must say it was very successful.

Deodorant try to sell unabsedly either of greatness of a fragrance or the ills of bad odour.
NO wonder none of these are memorable.

A memorable adv with have a bit of mystery, some humour and a complete story for reaching for te sky.

The Lifebouy little Gandhi suceeded because it payed with the secreat dream of all of us to change te world and leave a lasting impression, however small we may be.

Beauty, secenity and aspiration beyound everyday mundaneness always will be sucessfull.

Thats what Rumy believes, because she knows it.

Whos Rumy?

Well, I dont know.

Living

Being an Indian, we are always taught that future is uncertain and we spend our life chasing the ever changing goal of securing the future. One day, we realise that we are 60 year old and not much time is left to do anything meaningful. Evenif time is ther, we would be able to do antthing meaningful since we have never done it.

Life has happened miraculously and nothing is really in our control. Call it fate, call it destiny, call it anything but we should never have any illusion that we are in control.

The air we breath, the food we drink-nothing is guarateed too be safe as such. Its safe because the way we are made and the defense system nature has given us.

Life is meant to be lived happily. Life is meant to spread happiness.

Despairing is seen. The contour of life can change in a matter of second. Living with poistive energy can help material all dreams.

One life to live.

I have been thinking a lot now a days. Dona and Shrihaan are in Kolkata and back by the end of this month. The weekends seem never ending and the evenings are long. Eating is a core. I miss them dearly.

They are all I have got.

I feel sad at the life my Ma have got. Staying with my brother, she is quite unhappy today. My brother was always her favourite but she is not being treated very nicely. Manila being far away from Kolkata, I dont see how I could get her to stay with us. Travel is quite costly too. Pray to God for her peace and happiness.

Meaning of living

It is just be happy and make pepople around happy, to spread a smile and help others.

Human life s rare and a blessing. Knowing oneself and aspiring for salvation is the reason for lliving, accordingly to scriptures.

But it is beyound me, Im not blessed enough or may be not pure enough to come in touch with any higher self who would lift me beyound the common, mundane job of living.

We all search and get lost in the way, being busy chasing material dreams.

I feel so sad looking at the world, having so many problem around the globe.

Its just one life to live, why cannt we all have just live and let live?

Why souls get polluted with hatred for others, so much so that some of us resort to senseless killing?

Why for one to be rich, many other would have to be poor.

Why is there no answer to so many why's of God's children?

Im alone now and have time. Just dont know what to do with this time. Sad, isnt it?

Separetion with my brother

It doesnt pain me much.

Since childhood I can remeber, I dont even have one impression of a experiece where he had been a real big brother to me.

No suddenly I realise that I was wrong. If he didnt stood by me, my marriage wouldnt havve happened. Im grateful to him for that one brotherly act.

Not much happy moments witth him either. It was allabout him being taking care of his needs and future.

Yet the emotional distance wit him pains. I dont have any malice towards him.

We still used to have a working relation with him. That changed with his marriage to a insecure girl from Bolpur.

Our scheming uncle, who was also very insecure about everything, got him married to her and she ensure her hubby got distanced from all his relatives.

Such is the ways of life.

Its now more than 4 years we havent met or talked.

Both of us were raised by our aunt and uncle and may it was reason that we never got close to each other, the way some brothers do.

Holidaying in Singapore

Sometimes back, either Dona, or myself nor Shenna would have imgained tath someday we could holiday in Singapore. Well, thats exactly we didt during 15-19th June. Its really nice and relaxing.

We loved all we did there. While in airport, Shenna looked sad and I asked hiim what was bothering him. He said, ; Im sad leaving Singpaore;. Dona also said couple of times during thhe trip that wish could live here.

We went to sentosa in style in sky rail. Initiallt, we all were quite scary but soon started to enjoy it.

There after we went to Mumbai. Mumbai made us feel sad looking at the deteriorating infrastructure, polution, sqarlor and general sense of a city on rapid decline and not being taken care off. It appeared to be full of poor people.

The distance between two cars in Mumbai was barely 4inch which used to be atleast a foot earlier.

Then we went to Kolkata. Kolkata surprised us and gave a sense of a city getting into good health. We felt happy.

Im back in manila but Dona and Shenna would be in Kolkata for sometime and back in manla by the end of July.

Im at a cross road. Im confused and torn. Im unable to decide where to settle and allow Shenna continutity in his studies in anothher 5-6 years.

Life in India is hard, even if one has money and we dont have much. However, we are familiar with so many things in India. In anyother countries, we will have to figure out everything.

New zealnd is an option we are thinking off very seriously.

UK would also be nice but not that easy to get into.

Bottomline, I dont know how to decide on where we should be in 5-6years time. Time to pray for advise and derection.