This pressure!

Moving to a new role without having a team is something I wouldnot have imagined how it would be even few months back.

But this has been my reality last couple of months and its something thats forcing me to brings out everything that I have inside me to just cope, just tide over.

It beats me why people from other groups couldnt moved to my group allready. We have to establish this group but the other groups are established, moving few frome ach group wouldnt have hurt them that much but would have helped me a lot. But that wasnt done.

Day after day, I work every waking hours of the day, including weekends.

Hopefully, will get few guys by end of the year but still it would take months to be in the same position I was in my previous role.

It takes time but that is something no one would be willing to give. I keep reminding myself to stay calm, sta focused and stay positive that this too will pass and better days would emerge.

I need to recurit a manager, where do I find him?

Its a huge sacrifice, havent gone anywhere on holidays so far and its unlikely that we will find time soon to do it. Havent even thought of getting a car since wouldnt be able to invest time in going around getting a car and then getting the licence in Krung Thep.

I fear burnout.

Often, wonder if its worth it. But then I have to pull up the scok and remind myself millionth time that I have mastered different jobs before and will do so this time too.

I feel bad for Shrihaan. He doesnt deserve the pain he is going through having to adjust to the new school. Wonder if I made a mistake in deciding on this school, may be should have opted for BSM.

We pray for all of us and our friends.
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Myself: Shrihaan, sleep. You just sleep 8 to 10 hours.
Shrihaan: Oh, I just need to sleep for 2 hrs, 8 to 10? No problem!

You gigle your khak khak giggle!
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Myself: Shrihaan, keep the lego, no more today.
Shrihaan: I know why you dont want me to play with it, if I finish, I will ask for one more. So you want me to be slow in making it.

Naughty, naghty my boy.
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Spirits-I bow to thee!

Thailand seems to be the land of believers, specially if one travels to some of the holy places in the interiors of this beautiful nation on move.

Naka. Protector. Naka lives on. Naka grant goodwill and windfall. Naka protects. In faith, we propsper.

Some people can see Naka.

Every corner, there are spirit houses, we bow as we pass by. We dont touch the doorsteps since spirits stay there. There are good spirits. We keep all spirits happy.

Believers. Peaceful. Not subjugated.

Temples galore in every streetcorner. We bow. We become more respectful. There is beauty in the way of worshipping. The flower, the incense sticks, the lit candle, the bowing, the prayers.

First Field Trip

You have turned seven this 18th august, 2009.

We have moved to Bangkok on 31st August.

You, like us, mourned this move and we were also looking forward to it for it opens up vistas of million new experiences. We stealed ourselves and prayed that with time, we will settle and enjoy.

For the first time, few days back, you told you liked your school in Bangkok. It meant so much to us.

We prayed that you get many friends quickly. You have few now atleast, last saturday, we were so happy that whole day you spent with Florian, his brother and his friend.

We see signs of things your school is imbibing in you. We are happy when you say, 'thats lame!'

From facination on cars in Manila, you have got facination for Lego now in Bangkok. Its costlier but we are happy.

You can spell now 'smear and scorch' which probably I struggled to spell when I in seven or eight grade.

Now this January, 2010, you will go for a field trip from your school. You, who have slept never alone. You, who still needs help in drying yourself after bath and thing I will not say lest it embrasses you!

It gives us goosebump. How will we stay for 3days and 2 night when you go for your field trip? Will you be able manage alone? Will you eat properly? Will you be able to sleep alone? What will you do if in night you want to get us and look for us? Will you drink enough water? will you be enjoying everything its meant to be? What will you do if you feel cold at night?

This will make you more independent and I dont like that though I know its good for you, my dear son. Thats the dellema all fathers suffer from and have to learn to come to the right decision.

How will I face the quiteness at home without you? Will we still keep the cartoon chanels on just to keep it familiar? How will we sleep without your warmth in the bed? Should we also checkin to the resort you will be paying? We arent allowed that we arent even allowed to alllow you to carry your mobile!

Mama asked you to practice sleeping alone. Your response, 'those who have brothers or sister, sleep alone, I will sleep with you.' It have a warm glow to our faces and heart.

We rejoice at every sign of your developments and we love the way you are. We love all the funny crazy things you do which makes us smile even after manydays when we think of it.

We know you will be taken care off. Yet, we cannt just believe that you are now grwon up enough to go to a field trip!

2 You

You are here.

I met you yesterday.

Came back with a sense of hollowness.

It was good but lacked meaning or deapth. Didnt have any epxectations, still, expectation are there.

You will not meet me without someone being around.

You know how I feel about you.

You are much stronger.

You like to keep simple and indeed its more peaceful.

I have always chased the highes and been ready to pay for the low. Tranquility is not something I cheased, probably wrongly.

Its not right but its not a forced feeling either.

I want to hold your hand and stare in your eyes, touch your lips, gateway to your heart.

Call me please, just once. Please.

Ladyboys!

Thailand is ill famous for ladyboys.

Its ingrained in the fabrics of society and I wouldnt have known that if we didnt go for the local cultural shows.

To me, it appeared vulgur. Guys dress as girls, gyrating shamelessly, suggestively to the much giggle an catcalls from guys and girls around. Saw it in performance after performance. Dont know when all these started and why it continues to mean something even today in the society.

The tour guys is one such guy who would tease guys unabshed, much to the amusment of everyone.

Havent seen it anywhere else so far.

Later, in one of the rooms, there was gambling with cards. Small bets, small losses, smaller gains. Being hedged in general, I ended up neutral.

Not rich guys, play bigger than they should, bigger than what they earn.

Things that happen is often more than what one can imagine.