The mind that seeks

Mrs. Chattrjee

2012-01-05T07:35:00.000-08:00

She along with her Indian husband and 11 year old daughter visited Kolkata in 1982. I used to live with her brother in law, used to call him uncle and so we meet. This guys has deprived us of major share of our properties and also taken my mother's ornaments. I dont wsih him well much.

Meanwhile, I have moved out of Kolkata, have issues with the uncle and no longer in touch with him. She has also got separated and her ex husband, no friend of mine, is no more. Her ex husband had given us the impression that she was in mental assylum. Few google searches revealed that she was well and kicking.

Twitter got us back in touch. A casual invitation from me was taken up and she came to visit us during 26th Dec-5th Jan. Yes, she left today.

In our present situation, it is not easy for us to host anyone at our home.It is a small place and Dona isnt keeping well last few months. Yet, we invited her. I dont fully understand why I accepted her in our home, may be my hatred for that uncle influence me to invite his beloved brother's Ex.

It turns up to be such a mixed experience.

She now lives in Dnmark. He daughter now is now pushing 40 and divorced twice and have a partner now. She got two kids. She is not much in touch with her daughter who seems to be busy with friends. She rued that grandparents in Denmark dont have any say in the affairs of their grandchildren.

She talked about her abhorence about bargaining since it could force thepoor seller to sell below cost price which would be exploitation. Yesterday, she came back from the floating market very happy that she has bargained something from 650 to have got it at 350 Bhat. She appeared very pleased with herself.

She went with us to Central world on 31st Dec and came back late at night after the firworks. I mentioned that I didnt expect her to stay up so late and she replied that she was quite gusty and she never complained.

She went to an orphanage where she was requested to distribute the gifts and she mentioned later that she didnt understand why she was asked to do it for no apparent reason. It didnt occur that she was shown respect due to her age. She didnt accept that she has aged. Aging with being wise is not fun atall.

She mentioned she is very flexible but wouldnt hesitate to not accept food that she didnt want. In restaurents, she would make her choices not listening to our recommendations and often got something she couldnt have liked.

She lost couple of times in chess to our nine year old and mentioned that winning wasnt important and didnt agree with him that he had won.

She didnt ask us when did we get married, about Dna's family or anything very personal. She though mentioned that she didnt come to see Thailand but just to see how we lived our lives.

She mentioned her Ex husband often would feel frustrated and grumble that he wasnt given noble prize. He was a cement chemist and such high expectation from self releaved inner madness in him.

We asked why she married him and whether anyone objected and she said that she didnt have one who would bother object about her marriage.

Very careful with money, she was floored by a smart tailor who referred to her as girl and make a dress spending 7000Bhat and also ran to a parlour. She later said she believed one can fall in love at any age.

I asked her when she would meet her daughter after returning back to Dnmark and she mentioned it would happen when her daughter would have time. Apparently the daughter was very busy with her friends.

Does she cooks? Yes, she liked boiled fish and eat it with sauce. She also like boiled vegeatbles. She promised to cook a meal and back some cakes but that didnt happen. She mentioned that she makes cheesecakes with lots of raisins.

What pictures this lady?

Sometimes, it is better to stay away to keep the respect and the image than risk being close for the mask could fall.

1st Jan, 2012

2012-01-01T09:03:00.000-08:00

We heralded 2012 in Central Wolrd among thousands. I hugged Shrihaan and Dona and it was probably one of the most busy new year even for Betty who is visiting us from Denmark. At 77 with lights on her head, seemed she had a good time.

This will be a very significant year for us. We pray for the things close to our hearts.

We pray for the world too which is increasingly appearing in disarrey with little ideas anywhere on how to get everything back in control.

There were bad dictators and may be people in those countries were suffering but they also guaranteed larger world peace. Now that many of them are gone, the future look increasing uncertain. On second thought if could be better if it only looked uncertain, it actually appear unsettling, the prospects of having religious fanatics with abmitions of living lifes of mediaval ethos doesnt pose a threat to modern world. Hope, some sane leader will emerge in those places though we dont know if and how it could happen.

Economy will see more turmoil in 2012. Austerity and prudent money management is not something most governments and banks are used to any more. Unless the mindset of industries changes, unless humans learn to control greed, this kind of wobbly journey will continue. The smarter humans are those with a nomadic gene in their system who can stop opprtunities and gear towards those opportunities and stabilities.

3 will happen this year.

Hongkong & Cambodia will happen this year.

Health will happen this year.

Progress in education will happen this year.

Car will happen this year.

Friends will happen this year.

Peace will happen this year.

Last weeks

2011-12-29T23:49:00.000-08:00

The year is allmost over. Been more of a sedate year after the tumultous 2010 for us, it was a year of healing and regaining some semblance of normalcy and acceptance for what now cannt be changed anymore.

Its a good time to take stock of the days of 2011 gone by.

We have travelled some - Jomtina, Phuket, Koh Chang, HCMC, Hanoi and Halong bay, Kolkata were the places we have been blessed to spend somedays there.

Kolkata is our home and we came back from there with illness which is stillnt cured fully and keep us worried.
Dona's health is a concern.

We were to go back to India but thinking of future, we felt compelled to continue for one more year. Trust it has been a good decision.

We saw a step jump in the level in lessions in his class. The expectations are quite high. We also were pleasantly surprised to have got a note from his class teacher mentioning that he was very happy with his performance. He needed to study more though.

We continue to feel that we should make more friends. Given where we have schoosen to live, it is difficult to meet people. May be we will move to more residential areas next year.

Not much movement in wealth creation. Couldnt focus much on this.

Have lot to be proud of achievements in workfront. Yet, no idea when will achieve the ambition.

Didnt learn anything significantly new this year.

Night in Kolkata Airport

2011-10-14T22:53:00.000-07:00

The tickers for her and Shennu was done. Unfortunately I didnt check the timeing. It turned up that the flight would reach at 12.45 in Kolkata. Tried to change it without success.

Shennu didnt want to go and cried all the way. It was decided that they would stayn the rest of the night in the airport and take a cab home in the morning.

It rained with lot of lighening in the evening and that made him more scared to travel. He told his mom manytimes that it could allright to travel if I was accompanying then. I felt one of the deepest emotions knowing how much I mean to him and whether Im doing enough to live up to it.

I have slept in the retiring room in Singapore for 30sing dollar or so once. I thought they could find a lounge and stay these.

Did lot of searches but seemed not much information were there on what to do if a lady and her son reached late at night in Kolkata.

I felt terribly guilty for putting them through this.

I kept awake whole night. We had decided before that we will remain in touch every one hour or so on phone. Unfortunately her load got over in no time and Shennu's roaming didnt get activated.

Apparently, they couldnt get a prepaid taxi, it counter it seems open at 7.30! They had to book a private taxi at Rs. 700 to go home. I got a message at 6.30am that they had reached home in Kolkata. We spoke. I slept.

Kolkata infrastructure shows no sign of getting developed. It indeed seems like the time wraped place every time we go there.

I will meet them on 19th Oct in Kolkata.

Pakistan - A dream unrealised

2011-10-09T04:56:00.000-07:00

Pakistan was born with a religious identity, the dying revenge of the UK before it was thrown out of the subcontinent. It is a classic case that a nation should be born when it is ready to be a nation. Clearly it was not ready. Hence, since its birth decades ego, it has done very little to leave a lasting impression on the history of the world. The nation is rich in culture, yet lost its script. A nation is what its leadership is and clearly the leadership there lacks vision, passion and got no ability to go beyound the mundane business of short terms.

Its economics is in shamble. Somehow the leadership that be got obsessed with the dream of being equal in military might to much bigger India and that obsession showly but clearly crippled and stunted it grwoth all around. It showed that it can achieve if it sets its mind to something and became a nuclear power. It accepted that it would never be equal in any way with India and hence decided to shamelessly wage a proxy war on India. Its started bleeding India but hitting her like a coward. Terrorism got adopted as a national policy. However, like we know as in Dr Jeckil & Hide, the beast always goes out of control of the master and thus, it started suffering at the hand of terrorist.

Last few years, it has made some fatal miscalculations. It has survived on the dole of US, the price US pays it since those cold war days to keep Russia under watch.

When India complained in the world forums about the dastardly acts sponsored by Pakistan, it fell on deaf ears.

But now Pakistan decided that its state sponsored teorrism against India is a success and decded to use the same medicine on US. They didnt factor in that unlike the India who is rulled by spineless 80 and 90 year olds, US leadership is strong and they will call the bluff.

This is a chance for the world to straighten out the errant boy.

Bangkok Call a Taxi

2011-10-09T04:04:00.000-07:00

We had great time with our Honda civic Hundai Tuscan in Manila. We didnt go for a car in Bangkok since for long term wasnt certain and one can go around the city at ease without having a car. However, given how our societies are, as we get into some groups, we feel hanidcapped not having a car and hence I will have to get a driving license soon.

Yesterday we had the Bijoya celebration which was suppossed to go late in night and we werent certain of getting a taxi back. We used to have a taxi driver who would wait for us but he has been getting more demanding by the day and so he wasnt an option.

Few calls here and there and we discovered the call a cab service. We called 1661 and to our surprise the guy could speak in average English and soon we book a taxi. They would charge just 20bhta extra which is nothing when we are asking the taxi to come late in night.

They called back to confirm and at the appointed time, to our much relief, the taxi did come. It was hassle free and a pleasant and comfortable ride.

Great servise at hardly any extra cost.

MahaSashti evening

2011-10-02T09:14:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we went to Mohona at Dev Mandir. Today we went to Bharti's Puja at Sathorn. We evoked blessing and mercy of Ma Durga who is keeper of her deciples and who destroys everything not pure and holy.

We more than ever missed Kolkata now when the Puja celebration will be the air and its a magical time there. Its for the young and the old but for the youngs, the time flies in pure joy. Schools are closed and life revolves around Goddess Durga's homecoming.

Every locality will have thier own Puja, their pride and preperation can go on for months and the budget would run in lakhs.

We miss the Puja days in Mumbai too which we got used to in the years we spent there. If we stay in Bangkok next year, we hope to het involved and probably we will be part of Mohona or Bharti.

A Chinese girl

2011-10-01T01:53:00.000-07:00

In the morning, we travelled together. She talked nonstop with her mix thia friend and appeared every bit the haughty, high achiving young lady with tons of attitude. We got introduced and exchanged few polite words, words that leaves no trace in the mind.

We met again in the evening and travelling in Bangkok traffic for more than an hour.

She was very friendly and chatty. She was no big city girl. She hails from a small town near Goungzue and have a boyfrind doing his PhD in USA. They meet every six months. She wants to move in with him but she doesnt like to go to USA. She would prefer to live in Signapore where she works. But she said, in life, one got to do things when there is no choice. In the evening light, she appeared forlorn and melancholic when she said,'it must be difficult to have children, its huge responsibilities'. She appeared tired and worried, her worries revolved around some things on job she needed to accomplish within given timelines which seems difficult. She lived in BEjing for six years and miss lot of friends had there. She wants to go back there, only doesnt know how and when. Her parents would be visiting her soon and her mom, she said, with a sweet smile, is getting her lots of ginger. Her mom would be cooking for her and didnt know what to get, so getting gingers. Her father pushing her to get married. She feels he is getting old and retire soon, so must be wanting her to get married to have grandchildren to play with him to keep him busy. Many of her friends getting married too now a days. She said she grew up lonely being single child but also felt it could be better to have a single child and do the best for him or her. She wants to go back to China and said amaging things are happening there. Average people are becoming rage.

She felt it is diffcult to get married for girls sometimes in China now. If a girl is 20, she wants someone of 30, if she is 30, she wants someone in his 40s but a guy, no matter whats is age, always want a girl of 20. Seems guys everywhere are same!

She would sometimes make eye contact and smile and say, China got lot of problems which arent allowed to be published. There are stories of corruption and someday soon, the control could be gone. She also wondered if Jasmine revolution would reach the shore of China.

She was slim and well dressed.

In a matter of few hours, she appeared every inch the small city girl that she was.

Durga Puja-2011, Bangkok

2011-10-01T00:50:00.000-07:00

Growing up in Baruipur and later in Kolkata, Durga Puja is an integral part of our lives. This is the time when we miss Kolkata more than ever. passage of time away from her failed to diminish the nostalgia and pull in the heart to visit and be part of this festival. Now being away, we try to stay connected online http://www.durgapujaonline.com/.

What we do we miss? We miss the shoppi g for the new cloths, everyone discussing with everyone else what would be the plan for the Puja, the joblessness, school holidays, getting up early, having foods galore, visiting the Puja pandals in the evening, looking at all the dressed up chics in all localities, easy atmosphere everywhere. Those were the days when we were young and didnt have to worry about anything. That probably sums up the reason for nostalgia.

Today we will go to Mohana, Dev Mandir (Seo Ciang Chao, Sriripongs Road, in Khao San road) where a small community Puja is held. Since last two years, we have gone to only Bharti's Puja in Silom.

Today is Panchami. NExt five days would be magical. In Bangkok, it is not in the air but very much in our hearts.

We went to Dev Mandir and they had a evening program. There will be programs everyday. Met Rajib who is here in Bangkok for the last five year and now plannig to go to USA to ensure studies of his 15year old son.We wanted to stay longer but Shennu wanted to come back home. We missed the dinner there and made do at home with cup noddles.

Dona appears sad. She must be missing the Parijat Puja. Hope we can be there next year.

A hole in Internet

2011-09-30T07:42:00.000-07:00

Shennu had to do a homework on making charts and graphs of the temperatures of the planets. He and his Mama spent more than six hours on the net, researching and finding the these on the net. At 11pm, mother and son appeared distinctly demotivated and frustrated. They had come accorss these data at different sites, some of which would be different or didnt make sense. Inspite of their best efforts, they still couldnt find the maximum and minimum temperature of the venus.

This was very surprising and may be it is a stark indicator of how it is in the cuber world. There are tons and tons of data and informations on anything and everything but there is no way to verify the autheticity of these and one must exercise caution and judgement before trusting any of these.

One should be responsible to have the ability to put anything on net. But that safety net is mssing and we should have this in place as soon as possible.

This is the danger and peril of internet.

Good intention not always pays

2011-09-28T06:10:00.000-07:00

There was a meeting with one of the suppliers whose VP had underwent a knee surgenry recently. So, we volunteered that we would come to their office in Sukhumvit much to the ebmrassment to the supplier since we were their customer. We said human courtsey is beyound the supllier-customer relation and so the nevue was fixed in their office in Sukhumvit.

Matthey, their VP came late and blamed the traffic. While chatting, we asked him where he stayed and he mentioned Pattaya. Incredulously, we enquired if he travellled to Sukhubvit, good 2.5hrs drive everyday and he said normally he operated from their factory in Pattaya and only come to Sukhumvit.

It was our turn to feel embrassed since our office was midway between Pattaya and Sukhumvit and inadvertently while trying to reduce is travell time, we made him travel more!

Its another matter that being polite, the supplier didnt mentioned it before though they must have known it allready when the venue was being discussed with them.

Such is the relation of supplier and customers!

Introspection time for her

2011-09-26T08:34:00.000-07:00

She was born due to the desire of the revenge by the colonists on the verge of being thrown out. She was relatively small and from birth suffered from the sense of the need to compete and succeed against her neighbours. Surely the leaders those early days were poisoned into thinking these by vested other world leaders. Like her neighbour, unfortunately, she never got the visionary leaders who could steer it in a mature way towards progress, prosperity and a positive future.

It didnt help that she got sucked into the cold war and was used in ways both legal and may be not legal. This when the cold war ended, a large mass of ammo and people employed to wage war was left jobless.

When plotical leaders falter, they was to rally the masses using populist idea and playing down her neighbour slowly became a national passtime.

A war happened and one nation became three nations.

She became bitter now and now realised that cannt probably compete from the front. She now took to the phylosophy of bleeding her nation through thousand cuts. Her progress in all field have been pathetic and thats an understatement. She didnt really contribute anything significant to world civilisation. One can say cricket but many of then are accussed of match fixing and selling their souls.

Those used to for illegal activities slowly gain in confidence and turn on the masters since they anyway dont respect the master since they are being for illegal activities anyways. They then turn on their masters. The hunter becomes hunted. This has now happened to her.

She was used by a power house in the coldwar era. In the unipolar war, her use to the super power became little less for sometimes. World events changed and she was needed by the super power again. However, walking for long on the darkalleys have rotten her vains and she no longer had any qualms about her the super power from the back, in effect bite the hand that feeds her. And in that she had made a fatal miscalculation.

Religion is a matter of heart and its great when collectively individualistic. If religion is allowed to interfare human freedom and choices, it looses it sheen to drive harmony and it has happened there.

She had tormented her neighbour with impunity for many decades now. Her neighbours political system is weak and suffer from shamelessness and so she thought it is a successful policy. She gained in confidence and decided to apply the same policy of deceit and cruelty to her benefactor.

She is cornered and she would find it extremely difficult to bluff her way out this time. Her bluff has been called and she will have to pay a deep price. It could be good for her if she decides to follow the path of the right. We arent hopeful about her though.

She got cancer and it requires amputation. She will survive if the amputation is done with honesty,. Her masters unfortunately arent honest either and they will leave a bit of cancer in her for their levearage later.

Thats called survival of the fittest where everything can be defined as state policy.

English FM in Bangkok

2011-09-24T23:33:00.000-07:00

Since past two years, we couldnt get the English FM. We have been used to FM in Mumbai and Manila and it left a gaping hole in our living experience. We didnt enjoy the Thai FM but not knowing the language use to be a barrier. One would have thought that it would be rampant given the number of foreigners but Thailand seem to get her tourists effortlessly. May be the things it ply just needs word of mouth advertisements, we need not discuss it here what doesnt products need no advertisements.

No longer. Our move to Fraser 2201 helped us get the English FM and it was set in the system as entered. It is FM 95 and its on wholeday.

Anyone not used to living in Thailand wouldnt understand the pleasure of such small joys. Its in our nature not to value things we get regularly and tend to take things for granted and only crave for things not given freely. That tells us that the best strategy for de-addiction is to make things free. How often we revel in the sunshine in tropical countries or seat beside the lake and enjoy the sense of breadthing?

Isreal PM Benjamin Netanyahu

2011-09-23T11:28:00.000-07:00

UN assembly is in full swing. Palestinian President Abbas created fluttered last several weeks and much chaos in the tents of President Obama and his cohorts by declaring that he would seek full statehood recognition in UN. Inspite of muuch trying from America, President Abbas went ahead and made his claim. That American dominance is on the decline was demonstrated by President Sarkosky, more known as the husband of Carla Bruni, indirectly provided support to the Palestinian cause.

US surly will veto it and it will have to come back to UN again.

Did President Abbas really throught he would succeed in UN withour making prior deal with Isreal backed by USA? Surely he didnt think that he would succeed. This is shrewd move of a seasoned politician out there to buy a place in the annals of History and seal his time in the palace. This will come at a cost. Once US veto the Palestinian statehood recognition request, violence would follow. There would attack on Isreal interests and that of US too, this will be followed by retribution. One more cycle of vicious cycle will play out in the holy land of Ibrahim. However, Presidnt Abbas has ensured that the key issue of Palestine is thrown back to the global political central stage, a world too occupied with economic woes, allmost forgot for last couple of year, the core issue of the middle east unrest.

It would now be difficult to shove it back under the carpet.

Isreal to us is romantic idea. We admire Isreal for her strength and power to survive surrounded by hostile neighbours. She always extract revenge for any harm done to her children. Isreal is concept which make poeple immigrate to this land, not for monetary gain or improvement in quality of life, but for the mere previlage of living in the promised land, the land of Judas.

Jews have suffered for a long time, yet they have thrived in all fields, be it business or intellectual persuits.

But Isreal is not always right and more often than not, they have been brutal in their dealing with Palestine. They now say that they are ready to make painful compromise inorder to buy peace. No one in middle east believes them. But it may be better to believe them and go back to the negotiation table to give peace one more chance.

The world is now a dangerous place to live and one of the major cause is the Palestine issue. Its not to say world will become peaceful once this issue is resolved since human race will find other reasons to cause unrest but its obvious there will be some period of peace and hence prosperity before humans find another cause to justify creation of unrest and chaos.

I shudder to think what it would feel like to be Palestinian or Isrealli, living everyday in fear and uncertainly, seeing people known succumb to mindless cruelty.

PM Netanyahu has offered to talk to President Abbas now in the UN itself and believe some sort of peace talk will happen. However, unless Hamas, can be pulled in the table as the thrid party, then the peace will remain illusive. Unlikely there will be resolution of this issue anytime soon.

Moving Apartment

2011-09-22T17:14:00.000-07:00

I have lived for long in Baruipur where I was born and also in Kolkata where I was raised, its an aside that Im not entirely sure if I was raised or I just grew up there. Then I moved to IISC, Bangalore from whence it became a pattern that I have been shifting apartments atleast every 2-3 years. After IISC, I stayed in Old Madras Road and then moved to Golf Manor which has tiltled since then I hear. Then I moved to Mumbai where stayed few years at Agraysar but in two apartments, then in Anusandhan and then we moved our own place in RNA Heights, all in Andheri(E). Soon, we moved to Manila where we stayed for sometimes in a serviced apartment, then moved to Regency in Salcedo Village and there stayed in two apartments in 3 years. We then moved to Bangkok, stayed for sometimes in Cape House. We took up long term lease in Freaser place and after 2 years, we are extending by another year but moving to anaother apartment. It always involve huge stress and physical effort when we have to move and have to live in chaose for atleast 10 days. Yet, most of the time the decision for us to move was ours. The reason was also mostly our quest for a better place, better view, more sysmetric apartment etc. We have these so the brokers have a steady income?

These indeed gave us good understanding of the rental property market and sometimes we did think of leavaging these understandings to genrate additional income. Sadly like anything else in life, property market is very dynamic and more volatile then most of the things and hence our knowledge obtained few years back doesnt really have much currency in the market.

We do believe the apartments are living entities and it does have impact of our lifes. 6A Agraysar was kindest to us where we lived in contentment with our son whose was a toddler then.

Today, we are in the process of moving to 2201 Fraser place with prayers in our heart. We are in a very difficult situation now and we do hope we will have better days, more positive days, days of abundance and security there. We also do pray that we can continue staying there for a long time.

Help Prevent Suicide

2011-09-20T06:14:00.000-07:00

Read today a student of a premier Instinute has committed suicide because she was ditched by her boyfriendon facebook. Have also readon regular basis of young and old committing suicide. Remeber a young mother with two cherubic children in Kolkata who used to be our neighbour comitted suicide in 1980s. Have lost a dear friend to it recently.

Why people do it? Porbably who people do it when left with no hope at all. Sometimes, people do it being under huge pressure suddenly to escape a pressing problem but there are many who probably think through it over a long period of time before doing it.

If obvious signs are there, then parhaps it can be prevented by counselling. However, more often than not the signs arent obvious and goes undetected.

Who is at suicide risk? It seems it could be everyone. Sometimes sothing snaps inside one to drive it to decide on this.

Is it right? It is one of the most selfish act a person can commit. The one who does it, escapes, leaving behind a mother, a father, a borther, a sister, a wife, a son, a husband who will never recover from it and will always hold themselves resposible for the rest of the lives. They will everyday in their minds go through the missed signs and same what if analysis and blame themselves for various things they did or didnt do. But their act of suicide, they have the final words that they dont care for anyone and thrust their family into a dark abyss who will live forever in guilt. Its a punishment they given people who loved them and cared for them.

Whose fault it is? Life's tough and everyone lievs everyday facing issues, heartbreak, deceit, promises not kept and finght their indivual battles. Its indeed survival of the fittest and in the process we forget to provide enough anchoring to everyone around us. The consummerism is not helping either and we rush from mall to mall to our old age thesedays.

How to prevent it? We should learn to value every relation, express our love and raise hope in everyone. We should propagate every possible way that faith prevails, adter darnkess, sun shines and no problem is eternal. We should give love, appreciation and show compassion in abundance. Our small humane acts can prevent it from occuring, sometimes even without us knowing.

Jakarta- again

2011-09-12T10:38:00.000-07:00

Have been coming to Jakarta since 2003 and it is one of those places that seem to have got time wrapped. The greyness of the city as one enter from the airport is too obvious inspite of the Benzs and the Silverbirds wizing past at not that great speed, for the traiffic is bad.

Its bit funny that at airport, for visa on arrival, $25 is collected but if one given $100, the change will be given in Rupiah, offcourse not at the most favourable rate know and comes with no receipt. Hence, it would be prudent to carry exactly $25 if one wants a visa on arrival.

Security is tensed everywhere, yet it is lax. The gates are manned by young people, hunger and poverty written on their faces, who are entrusted with the task of keeping the malls and hotels safe. From the cursory work they do, it wouldnt be impossible for anyone determined to breach the secuiry in most of the places.

Hotel Mulya is where I would stay for for the next four days (12-16th Sept). The CJ bar has a good band playing everyday and was no different today. It also has plenty of girls of the night plying their trade. Being a conservative country, it doesnt have it on your face like in Bangkok but somethings are eternal and so one can do pretty much everything one desires here too.

Seneyan Mall is posh. The food court is upmarket. Amoung the 15 different stall, only one sells authentic Indo dishes. It is a sign of the changing taste and desire of urban Jakarta. This is true allmost everywhere too.

The palate of Indonesian food is varried and diverse. The ones that are grilled in leaves with spice marinated fish or meat inside leaves lingering tanginess on the toung. Eating out is as popular as anywhere else in SEA.

We tend to generalise people in any country. The fact remains each human being is unique and that uniqueness can be subdued but not elliminated entirely. Hence, the 37 year old mother of three, doing fabulous business from home earning more than $2000 a month, told that while washing cloths, at the last stage she gets naked since she has washed the cloths she was wearing and this provides ideas to her husband. She also said that she sometimes washes with her husband to which one of the lady around wondered aloud, ' dont wer know what you wash with him!!'. Then we met another 43 year old lady who is using all the products her mother used to use and no advertisement induces her to buy anything knew and she disbelieves all advertisements. It is also evident that people make home and we went to a home to talk to the young mother whose husband was resting since he works nights in a cll centre. There was a air of melancholiness, sadness, a gloom hanging over the house. This inspite of her naughty 2 year old child being around. We will never know the reasons for this but seemed she was bound to a life that was not meant for her and she was trying to do as best as she could made out from her given situation.

Conman's are there everywhere. So we booked a car for airport drop. We still was chagred a lot by the driver of the car who claimed that he didnt work for the hotel! Fat chance that we will recover the money paid to the hotel.

803, Fraser Place, Lungsuan Road

2011-09-10T05:21:00.000-07:00

This is apartment that we called home for two years now and in another few days we will move to a smaller, yet more symetric 2201. We moved to it on 25th Sept, 2009 after nearly a month at Cape house. It was Khun Ann, whom we since miss, for she seemed to have left for Phuket without leaving anything to reach her, who made the nice deal for us.

Being in Ponderous mood, thought of taking stock of all that has happened while we have lived at apartment 803.

There are much gloom. I lost my mother, something I would forever find it difficult to comprehend or even share beyound the confine of my seared soul. I will always have tearful prayers that her soul find peace.

Dona's mom's health continue to deteriorate in distant Kolkata. A feisty lady but age is catching up with her. It doesnt help her that the current of life could have more flow around her.

I was promised a expat package and that promise was not kept, put us back in the turbulent swirl of the unknown and uncertain days in near future.

We didnt get to make the circle we had in Manila and it took its toll on our well being.

Felt some weariness in the bone. Wonder if it is age or the circumtances.

The world is changing rapidly and unfortunatly now there is much more gloom and chaos than previous many deacdes.

Progress is not defined by advancements in technolgies but it is in the mind of people and human race is certainly regressing. The animals in us is very much alive and more alive now.

It was okey monetarily but not to anywhere what we achieved in Manila.

Its not all gloom.

HAve learnt bit more that life is all about living today and valuing what is there now. It is also about finding contentment and doing the best that can be done with the cards dealt with.

Professionally, I seem to have found my calling and have matured like never before,. I have achieved much that has given be lot of pride, satifaction and confidence that is there. I have touched several peoples lives and two of them have matured so much that it would stay with them forever.

Shrihaan too has bloomed. He is polite, more confident and a keen football player now. His awareness of the world continues to grow. He surprised me that he knows the meaning of levitation that he claimed to have picked up watching a cartoon.

We have travelled a lot. We have seen Thailand a lot. We also had a 11 day trip to Vietnam.

Read some good books as we always do.

Would have liked to pray and meditate lot more.

Shennu's story: Space Journey

2011-09-09T21:16:00.000-07:00

Mars has aliens!

It was the night before the rocket launch to the planet Mars. The mission has been planned for almost six years. I was one of the seven to go to Mars for twenty days. It was a spectacular and rare opportunity of a life time. I looked at my watch. The time was nine- thirty. Just twelve hours more and I will be in the vast openness of space. We have been trained for the last two years about this mission and what to do in case of an emergency; we have also been taught how to land in sea or land. Our mission is to try to find life in the empty planet Mars. I am happy my best friend Filip will be on the mission with me. I went to bed and soon I was fast asleep.

The alarm rang at 6AM next morning. It was time to put on all my space gears. Most of it was very thick and carefully padded. I went to the meeting place, from there we took a shuttle to go to the towering colossal big rocket. We all went in and took our positions; I was the navigator with Filip. We were all ready for the countdown. The countdown started 5, 4, 3, 2.1.0. The rocket went into the vast skies as quick as a black little bullet. We got out of Earth and soon we could see a faint red little planet in the distance. It was the red planet Mars. We got closer and close soon we could see it as clear as crystal. We were going to land! There was another countdown. Bang! We had reached MARS! Two of us got off the space ship and on to the land of Mars. We started exploring. I told Filip to go and explore one side of Mars and I would go and explore the opposite side. I soon found out that Filip’s signal was not there anymore. I tried calling him on the walky talky but he didn’t pick up. I decided to take the space buggy and find Filip. I had been searching for two hours and had still got no idea where he could be, suddenly I found an underground tunnel. I took a space bike and explored the tunnel. To my surprise there were slime on the walls of the tunnel. After a while, I could see some light so I turned off the motor bike engine. I took a binocular to see what was there. I saw a slime building and was shocked to see Filip strapped up on the building. The place looked like a slime town. The colour of the slime was yellow and it smelled horrible. The town was a neat and clean place but it did not have much technology. There were no plants because of the stink. I got a glimpse of the creatures which had captured him. The creatures were fat and slow so instead of walking they rolled like a cannon ball and were very tough. They were yellow black and blue. The Aliens looked extremely furious I knew I had to help Filip out from his situation; I had to get Filip out. I packed a knife to cut the rope. I could see a ramp made out of something like metal not too far away. So I furiously sped the bike over the ramp and towards the slime building. Silently I went near Filip.I used the knife to cut the rope. Filip pointed towards the aliens coming to grab us. I put Filip on the bike and came down the ramp. But the aliens caught us! I was scared as they had a mad look on their face. They were trying to say something but we only heard a sound. I took a little language decoder and said, “We come in peace.” I put the device near their mouth and they said,” Who are you and why have you come here? What do you want? Do u want to capture us?” We said, of course not. We do not mean any harm at all and we come from the planet Earth. Then they finally believed us. We requested them if we could take some samples of their slime and rock and they agreed. We also wanted to take a picture ofthem but they denied us. Then we told the leader it was time for us to go and we had a great time, thank you.

When we got out of the tunnel, we saw the crew searching for us. They were worried because they were not being able to contact us. We told them that our mission is successful, we have found Aliens in planet Mars. Then we got into our space ship and blasted down to Earth. I had an adventure of a lifetime!

Alone?

2011-09-05T15:02:00.000-07:00

Since that fateful day when, lost my mother, seem something in me has snapped and lost th groove. Often, a sense of hopelessness and felling of being alone would pervade the soul though there is many reason to be hopeful of the days to come. It mightnt also hel-p that staying in foreign countries deprive us ofthe sense of root and belonging and its a massive fight to keep the depression at bay.

This early morning at Changi airport after a largely sleepless night. Its also gawning that would love to live in a country like this but chances are not that attractive. That too, the root would take a long long time to grow.

Now time to search for Time Attax.

Came back to Bangkok. Had a lovely discounted (promotional lunch!) lunch with Dona at the food court of Big C with Dons. While coming back, had a telecon which resulted in a possible visit to China in next couple of weeks.

The phone calls for jobs are desired but happening now. In my heart, I know that the difference between despair and hope is a phone call. When will it come?

How do we influence a nine year old to take interest and learn guiter and singing? He says that its boring. We are afraid that if he doesnt learn now then may be when he grows up, he would ask us why didnt we force him to love these! Love happens, no one can force.

Yet, one can indeed manipulate love. But how?

Our problems

2011-09-04T07:23:00.000-07:00

Everyone got problems and often apparently trivial problems consume peoples life. Phillips mom is very worried that his 14 year old sister is growing very tall, she is allready tallest in her class. She took her to a doctor which has made the decision that she would have a height of 182 cm. She is afraid that she would be a 6 feet tall girl who have very limited choices of husbands. She and her husband are both tall and its no surprise that her daughter is going to be tall. Who know may be she is happy to have married the guy who is her husband due to limited choices she had and now worries about her daughter having the same fate?!

Harry, all of ten year old gives reason to his mom to worry. Her worry is that he has not changed in height in last several years.

Henry, al of 11, said that he is worried since he is growing only in the horizontal direction.

Who can say who shouldnt worry about these. Afterall, medical science has advanced enought for us not be totally dependent on nature now. Messi afterall got his height thanks to the hormon treatments bankrolled by his club Bercelona FCB. But for this, world would have missed seeing a master at play in the fields.

Mother & son- UK

2011-09-03T21:27:00.000-07:00

He did something out of the common. This middled age guy was walking on the road of revellers in Notting Hill Carnival and saw a guy run with a bloodied gun. He streched his leg to make the guy fall. He didnt succeed in making the assailant fall but he has landed himself nicely into a soup it seem.

For he is in UK living on dole and got the right to it by claiming assylum from persecution from Soviet Army since he had taken part in fight of Chechnya. Nothing worng and no problem there. Till his 94 year old mother came forward and said what should be left unsaid that she didnt know he has taken part in Checnya war ever.
Now he will be investigated and in probability it would be true that he made up a nice story to earn a life in UK sustained by generous state dole.

Why his mother had to do it? We all know mothers do huge sacrifices for their children to have a decent life, for their children to achieve their dream. Why then this mother came forward to tell the world that his son could have lied to get into UK and risk him loose the life time security. It could be that she didnt understand the repurcations she simpletonish statement and honesty for her son in distant land. There could another explation that she would asked him to take her to UK and he maynt have done it and this was her way of getting back to him.

We maynt ever know. Growing up, one looses to see goodness in everything. In reality, there is no goodness in everything. Thats life. We cannt escape this reality.

House hunting in Bangkok

2011-09-02T18:49:00.000-07:00

The greed of few in banks like Chasee Manhattan and Sity made the world economy go for a downward spin, making people loose tons of money, pay cut, loss of job, loss of house, loss of security and mental peace. It happend in distant USA but its impact has been brutally felt world over. The number of expats seeing their benefit cut is going up everyday.

This means that they would be on their own to go for lower budget house, should the exorbitant shchooling themselves if they desire and most desire to go back home.

The rental has fallen in Bangkok but unless one can stay like the locals in town houses and away from the centre, its still stiff.

The acceptance is an issue, the acceptance of the fact that move might have to be made away from the serviced apartments, from the luxury of everything being taken care off. One living in Lungsuan and contelplating a move to a nice place in Sathorn shudders at the thought of travel by bus to BTS, then a taxi to reach the place of work and trace back in the evening. It seems impossible to bear. Bangkok is nice and nothing worng parhaps with staying in Sathorn but its an issue to make the move. There are then place in Sukhumvit that the building are too spaceous and the building are old. The entrace is not slick and welcoming, a stale smell of everydayness hang loosely in the air. The roads of Ekamai look downmarket and the thought of the travel everyday cause huge stess. The rentals are still stiff at more than 40k Bhat for a small 2BHK and the kichten still are very small. The builders being locals, seem to operate from the beliieve that the process of cooking at home is a habit on the verge of extinction.

Onnut condos are suppossed to ve cheap and spaceous. Yet, it seems distant and it doesnt help that moving and working in Bangkok for couple of years meant that one has moved around only of few selected place leave him unaware and unaccustomed to the city called Bagkok that they called home.

It means paying 60k to get a place where one wants to live at the cost of serious dent to the pocket. It doesnt seem susntainable and only solace can be found in the phylosophy that one should live in the moment and future would take care off. Never living this phylosphy means one will go through constant turmoil, fear of living without saving and the unknow. Being positive helps and it sooths with promises that better days would emerge, one would be able to generate a second live of earning, one rushes to reactive the online trading acounts in the hope of making that elusive killer deal that would leave the family richer by million.

The conflict of mind continues. Somepeople say you arent living if not uneasy wih the situations but for sure its no damned fun if one is living uneasily day and night, everyday.

We shall overcome. Thats a promise. To us.

Birthday Celebration

2011-08-27T20:50:00.000-07:00

Shrihaan turned 9 this 18th August. We will have a party today at Major bowl, Thonglor. There is a dearth of choices on this in Bangkok or so it seems. 16 of his friends are invited and all of them are confirmed to come. He is quite excited. He was reluctant to celebrate initially since being the youngest in class, he had told his friends that he is allready 10 and now it was a major embrassment for him to let them know that he is just turning 9! He came around and so we organised it. It was easy and lot of fun doing these parties in Manila and all those memories coming rushing to us.

He is excited also because some of his friends had asked their travelling dad's to get Match Attax for him which he is crazy about.

Soccer Mad our Boy

2011-08-27T08:18:00.000-07:00

I grew up playing football in Baruipur under sun, when it rained, throughout the year. In school have fond memories of fights faught over our favourite teams. A win for East Bengal would bring happiness galore and a loss would mean deep sadness. Arrival of television meant that we got to see the quality of the different world football palying teams and the competition of Indian team lost meaning over a period of time.

Yet, it would to pain me somewhere that Shrihaan wasnt interested in football when we were in Manila and I thought it is something I would have to accept. Then we moved to Bangkok and Shrihaan got admitted to Bangkok Patana School. One fine day, I realised he has got obsessed with football! Not only he started playing, he very soon became very conversant of the European Championship and now he is an avid collector of MatchAttax. Its such a pleasure to play PS soccer games and wonderful to see him being so fond of Chelsea. It was a boon that Chelsea played an exhibition game in Bangkok against TPL and we went to watch it live. These are memories both the father and son would cherish for a long time.

I now want to watch a Worldcup final or important game live together someday, somewhere. To bad, the next one is in Quwait and guess we will have to wait for the one after that to plan to be there physically.

10 years with mother of my son

2011-08-27T02:09:00.000-07:00

We have now completed 10th year of togetherness. Its has been rough, it hasnt been easy, it has it fair share of ups and downs, the dependenace has gone up and above everything else, we have our son, the most beautiful experience ever, something we would love to live again and again. I have seen my life improve over the years, got more serenity, peace and most importantly some grounding and reason to live, hope, dream. At the lowest moments, she would be there like a wall, that much I now know.

The first phase of my life is practicaly over with very few linkages remaining intact barring few friends with whom have sporadic contacts. However, most important linkage remains strong that is my faith in devinity, it helped me remain sane.

We celebrated it in Vietnam. A 11 days trip to HoChi Minh city, Hanoi and Halong Bay. One of our best holidays. Shennu wasnt not excited to go but he was very reluctant to come back to Bangkok as well at the end. So, we all love the trip and felt we should have taken more days off to visit beautiful places like Sapa, the Dunes and some other places.

Now we are into very difficult phase of life. All my working life, I have got decent scope for savings by managing the budget, however, a potential phase is looking at our phase when we maynt have much savings but can have a good quality of life and more importantly, a very good education for Shennu. On the otherhad, we might have a choice of a life with decent education, good saving but average quality of life. The choice is not obvious and we are leaving it to Him to decide and guide us so we can take the right path that will keep us good.

Man proposes, God disapproves!

2011-08-24T21:31:00.000-07:00

There month back, we felt our prayers were answered and dream came true. The possibilities were so good that our decision was easy.

Then one by one all the promises came to nothing and now 80% of the promises have vanished in thin air. We are back to the world of uncertainties. Every waking moment we are aware that we have to work on several different swcenarios to ensure we can still manage the worst probable scenario down the line.

We are draen back to the alter. They say we live when we are burdened with challenges. Well, may be that is true but no fun for sure.

We pray in our soul every moment of the day.

Koh Chang

2011-05-21T01:00:00.000-07:00

South east Asia is littered with beaches, highlands that are breathtakingly picturisque, mystical and surreal. Yet, to us Koh Chang would always remain as one of the top five in our list of beuatiful places we have seen so far in whole of south East Asia.

Koh Chang doesnt have the profile of a Boracay or Phuket or Bali and it doesnt have the pretence measuring up to those places in their sheer decadence & commercialisation.

The beach soccer with Shrihaan was fun. I used to feel bad that he was earlier he wasnt much interested in Soccer but being a student a British School, his interest in soccer is ignited much to my appporval and happiness.

Its a very small island on the North East of Andaman Sea, bordering Laos and Cambodia.

We took a van from Bangkok and it took us around 7hrs to reach the pier. Seems it would have been a better idea to take a bus either from Airport or Victory monument which would have taken us around 5hrs to reach.

We were famished by the time we reached the Pier and a small kiosk was doing great business at selling a small sandwich at Bt 50. The added attraction for us was the foossball while waiting for launch to tak us to Koh Change island.

The launch is bit unique in that it transposted us in our van along with many other cars. Its just about 30 minutes to reach the Island.

The road is very steep and curvy at several places and was found to be dificult even to expeirnece dirvers and is prone to accidents. One needs to be careful there.

KC Grand is on the white sand beach and parhaps the best property there. Rooms were spacious, clean and inviting,

The beach was long and the breadth was just enough to have a good game of football. However, when water recedes, one have to walk for may be around 5minsute to reach the water. The sea water was warm, alluring and one could walk for around 10meters in knee deep water.

We saw the best sunset of our lives there. The sheer play of colours, the shades, the diversity and changes in the colours every minute was like one in a life time experience.

There were several sea food restaurant in the beach and few had display of fire. The beer was chilled, the food was typically thai, warm, full of aroma and flavour.

Nextday morning, was equally beautiful. We saw the sunrise and the play of the morning sun with the sand and the sea. We found water to have left its mark on the sand which we havent seen in many of the beaches we have done over the years.

We had gone there for one night, a clear mistake. On second throught, it was a mistake worth making since it ensured that we will have to go there again since we didnt have enough. Its also said that no two sunset is similar in Koh Chang and want to see it to be able to vouch for it.

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=2034415868721&set=a.2034379707817.2127525.1493927806&type=1&theater

Crossroad

2011-04-30T07:05:00.000-07:00

Life's ways are beyound one's imagination and understanding. It always throw surprises.

It seemed like we had to decide to opt for going back to the place we have been trying for so many months but our heart was not really there. It was a defensive move which we accepted.

Then lot of changes happened and another opprtunity opened up.

We all like the second option and more and more we are getting biased towards it.

The former had a apparent positive of offering a chance to settle to a place and get some continuity. But bein g gypsies at heart, seems we might not opt for it.

With prayers at our heart, we will spend the next few days deciding our next decision.

Absurdity

2011-04-23T06:17:00.000-07:00

Back in 2006, moving to a different role amist lot of angst, I came accorss him. He was the typical middle class guy with lot of confidence and an all knowing air. He helped me with whatever he could in my trasition and next three years he would work closelyu with me. I went to the new role where there were hostilities from couple of other collegues but he was one constant support I could bank on. Overtime, he would be visiting our home in Manila, his family too would come to Manila for visits and we would do trips like Subic and Tagaytay. He dotted on his young son who was may be three year old then.

He would help more like a brother wehneve we would need some her in Mumbai. He had saved me lot of anxiety and money with work related to banks. It was there in his approach that wouldnt hesitate to seek help from him.

He also was very protective about one of his subordinates. He had even changed her looks. It was so absurd to think of him as a romantic or being a stud, that it never occured to us that there couldnt anything between then.

Life is mystical because so things beyound our comprehension do happen with regularity and their relationship exploded in office. It was not nice, he got censored. His bosses savied his work. He intended todivorce to mary his unlikely sweetheart but it didnt materialised and she wasted little time in getting married with somebody else few months back. I got that invitation letter too.

Off and on I would talk to him but more and more it would become clear that he was not keen to talk. Manytimes, he would promise to call back that would never happen.

Met him couple of months back and he was in his usual beheviour which was confident, assured, without any remorse.

Which is why the message that I got yesterday didn make sense.Which is why I had difficulty sleeping last time and was getting into a depression and general sense of hopelessness.

Even if he surprives, the recovery, both physical and emotional, would be extremely slow. Our prayers with hima nd his family.

Cha-Am, Thailand this weekend

2011-04-10T08:41:00.000-07:00

Had a evening out and drink on firday night. Came back bit late and was going to bed around 12.30am when she wanted me to book a hotel in Cha-am for the weekend. I was so sleepy that all I could do was to promise to do it 10minutes and waste no time in sleeping off.

Nextday, saturday I get up around 9am with still some tiredness left in the body and was told to book the hotel Marriot Courtyeard at Cha-Am. Still blinking realised that if I did the booking then we have to leave in couple of hours to be on the way to Cha-Am.

Noticing the steely determination in her, I wasted no time and did the fastest hotel booking of my life.

It helped that Dona had done the research.

So, we left for Century minibus station (Victory Monument) and took a Minibus from there. The ride was usual ride that one can expect in Thailand. Great roads lined with various trees and fields plowed for rise and other vegetable.

The view from our room in Marriot Counryeard got forever etched in our mind at the first gaze itself. The vast expansive sea stared at us calmly, majestically.

The beach was not very friendly to the bare feet and sand was very coarse. Besides, there are lot of jelly fish, known to be poisonous, around on the beach. But the swiming pool allmost on the beach quickly became the place to hangaround like everyone else.

The Kids game room was an unique experience in how pampering can be defined. Shrihaan got addicted to the place in time.

The Momo cafe on the beach had a barbeque buffet dinner and wonderfully they charged us one person less.

Our one day stay got over in no time. Shrihaan cried bitterly and wanted to stay there probably for many more days. We will go back there if we stay in Thailand for sometimes for sure.

3rd April, 2011

2011-04-02T23:50:00.000-07:00

Its a historic day for winning the Cricket World cup for the second time today, that too after long 28 years.

It was in 1983 for the first time and it was seen as a flash in the pan by many. It was also helped by the weather in Lords those days which helped the Indian seemers claim many a scalps. India wasnt the favorite to win the game and ven in the final, many including myself didnt believe that India could win. Thats because India scored just 183 and with that kind of score, one couldnt expect to win against West Indies. I used to live in Kolkata then and distinctly remeber that glorious life.

But India did.

This time, India was tested against most of the good team and they had to beat Pakistan to enter the final. The game in the final was kind of boring. Srilanka scored a decent 274 and India showed signs of history repeating itself when they lost two quick winckets. However, this Indian team is different and they steadied the score and went on to win the match. Dhoni proved the possible sign of a different emerging India who is ambitious, confident and relish being the limelight when he scored a massive six to seal the game.

And India did it with a stamp of authority, confidence and nonchalence.

Yes, India can earn its right under the sun in coming years.

The moment is very pure for the country. We hope that politicians will take cue from this moment and steer the country that would be free from nepotism, curruption and anything unholy.

Felt bad for Sachin that he couldnt score the ton that the nation hoped he would make but he cried when India won and everyone was delighted for him too. There are very few famous people who is spotless and Sachin is one of those rare solid guys. He indeed galvanised the team to make the win possible.

Shrihaan, being eight, having grown up out of India since he was just four year old, missed the significance of the match and was asking us why we had to stay up late to watch the game when we could always watch the results later. He always found it boring a game where one player bowls and another player tries to hit the ball with a bat. If we go back in India, am sure he would come to learn and love this game for this is the national passtime and one wouldnt have anything to talk about if he is not conversant in this game.

India deserves this. Let India march on to greater glory.

A word of appreciation for the site but for which we wouldnt have been able to watch every moment of the game stting far in Bangkok and enjoy every moment of the game. We watched apnatvlive.com for sometimes which got blocked at the interval and after some quick search we found Masticricket.com which was even better. And both these were discovered by Dona, she is good wih these stuff indeed.

We missed being in Mumbai.

Crowdsourcing

2011-04-02T06:28:00.000-07:00

Open innovations and crowdsourcing are fast becoming a means for creating of break though products and some of these products are being made by people from different countries.

Quirky is a startup by a 22 year old guy who allready have several products launched.

http://www.quirky.com/?r=b382c7c7e2200130a00921dcf429573f

To keep alive, believe more and more people who are armchair inventor would join these to make it one of the few sure ways or uniting the brains around the world.

Vulnerability of our lives

2011-03-29T08:29:00.000-07:00

The act of living is just an act of faith.

The weather played havoc in Japan and it brought out this fact very starkly.

We were lulled into beliving that risks can be managed with proper risk management and the message was delivered very forecfully that in life, there are still many things that are beyound our comprehension.

We thought the nuclear power would be the answer to the need for world's energy security and that was one of the reason why enough attention wasnt being placed on developing the reneable energy. We are not so sure now if world would have to live with the constant risk of another Fukushima disaster somewhere else. The Areva shared I was accumulating with the thought the secure future has come down significantly.

The weather is changing though it is not clear if it is due to global warmings or due just to the unprectable nature of the environment of the earth. We hate to belive but seems that there would always remain many thing s unknown to us and more we know, more certain it seems that we would never know everything.

Japan is advanced in many ways. There are chaotic countries like India who has embraced nuclear energy and god only know, what shortcuts have been taken in those plants thanks to the rampant curruptions that pervades every vains of her society.

Its a previlage and a miracle that we are living and we must attempt to make each moment as fulfilling as possible.

Its a reminder.

She is married now

2011-03-19T05:42:00.000-07:00

She was 18 and daughter of his firiends sister. She had the look of a child and lacked confidence. She wrote well but always seemed to lost and unable to connect to the world around her. Her pain, loneness, utter lack fo direction was touch but repeatative. He soon realised that he couldnt help her much.

She lost her father and her family felt into very tough time. With a younger bother to educate, she and her mother struggled to manage the days.

She graduated and got into a job. Her poems still had the melancholic edge howling to the chill in her life.

It didnt make sense why she was still that vulnerable.

She had her boyfriend since she was barely a child. He got his edge from government policies and progressed well. He works in one of the best conpany, had got many interests and full of confidence and faith the goodness of life.

They worried if he would move far in the newer vistas that were owening up in his life.

He had a good heart and married her.

He holidayed with her and his mother. It was picture of a happy upwardly mobile family.

A young wife doesnt take mother in laws that easily but given her personality, she could still find happiness in the comfort of having someone to take the decisions. There will be times when she would find it difficult and her soul would want to revolt but she would find good counsel in her heart and in her man.

It was nice meeting her in her new life.

Decision made

2011-03-14T20:53:00.000-07:00

Have been agonising over last several weeks and was trying to see the future. There suddenly were two choices and both were something we have wanted. This is probably the first time I have taken a decision to leave the place the work with the sense that I wanted to have both these for more time and a dinstinct sense of incolpleteness. The risk apetite is decided by the experience and now my mind is deciding something agaist my heart. Im being forced to be ruthlessly pragmatic and take a path which I believe will have astabilising effect on our lifes, whether the quality of life would be, I dont know. However, Im vindicated again that prayers ae answered and could nt have expected to have better choices at this point in time. In a way, it is about life coming full circle, back then I chose something against something else and after several year Im choosing the later agaist the former. It is walking aways from somthing we deeply value and feel thankful too but at this stage in life, Im not comfortable to accept the uncertainty related risks that comes with it.

Growing up in Baruipur and studying in Tirthpati institute, I never dreamt the big gambles and bigger dcision that I will have to make. I have taken risks betting on future to unfold in some way only to realise that there were events to happen which were much beyound my comprehension or everyone's imagination but these events also brought some opprtunities with it.
2011 is all set to become a year when we will build our life. We will go back to our apartment with the full knwolegde that we will latr again will have to try to buy something bigger again. The school is something we worry a lot and pray a lot and it would take all the networking we are capable of to secure the one we desire.

Most critically have to rebuild the career. Its deeply unnerving when inspite of best effort and demonstrated results, the desired recognising go begging and somebody else gets it. That is also life and we have to accept so we have still make the dreams come true.

The stability was never at more premium in my current state of mind. It gives a chance to build something call roots and home for our son, have the library we always wanted, have people around to meet in the weekends, make plans with the savings, a bit less complicated and bit less unclear state of being.

It doesnt mean that our gypsy days are over but it could also be a phase of the inof the gypsy life and the journey would continue. We will live and work in other places at other times.

We wish ourselves all the best.

Choice to make

2011-03-03T00:30:00.000-08:00

Why so often we have to stand in the cross road and choose a path from options which are not outright better than others ? So we have to debate in our mind the pros and cons of the choices we have? These choices that we have to make also seem to be getting bigger and more meaningful than the previous ones?
Do we risk the uncertainty and take on a higher challenge? Do we go for stability and walk away from a challenge and also get into something that could be risky?
Why do we miss the carefree days as we get older?
Is it more useful to have one door open to future or it is called freedom to have to choose one from many of the doors and walk into something that would nudge us to rue the many other possibilities that could have been ours?
How do we know whom to trust?
Why is it so difficult to walk from it all?
Why it seems some people get it all easy and other have to walk uphill to achieve or worse just get the promise of achieving something?
So very grateful to have atleast a choice which seems great and we might be good for next few years which we value and appreiate.

Mumbai (8-11th Feb, 2011)

2011-02-13T01:49:00.000-08:00

Mumbai hit me on face as soon as we came out of the flight onto the long walk to Immigration. The old airport has remained old. Outside, dugged out roads everywhere. Its some epxerience to see and feel how developmental work on building flyovers, mono rails, connectors in allready very congested and fragile infrastructure is being tried to be cranked up for tommrrow. Once my friend asked, 'where does all those come from in the Indian cities?' Indeed, the exteriors of the hotels like Leela and Intercon stand as testinomy to that reality. Inside the hotels though it is a different make reality. Nowhere I have gone I have found confluence of such contrast as I can find in Mumbai and mnay other Indian cities.

A big hotel would be manned by well groomed girls in their front desk. However, not very uncoomon to find not so friendly young men doing the job in the front desk in even hotels like Intercon and Marriot in Mumbai. Does it say something about anything?

Intercon the Lalit. I realised when watching the hotel channel that the The Lalit is no other than Lalit Suri. I saw firsthand an effort on how legands are born. In the documentary, Lalit epitomised subtle power, fair play, giving to society. I remeber newpapers from yesteryears he being involved in many of the controversies! Well, hostory is what histories make it to be!

Had a long walk the first evening around dugged Andheri(E) insearch of a place to buy food. I missed the 7/11s and couldnt buy anything from those environments.

Realised how much I have missed the pav bhajis and Chole Baturas after hogging them everyday these days. But cannt fail to realise again how different and unhealthy Indian food is as compared food in Asia pacific where now we have spent more then four years of our life. Will the soil and air and the sky over Thailand and Philippines remember us that we were there, lived, breathed, dreamt, felt vulnerable, felt happy and dealt with uncertainty? Bit of those places and memories of our days in these place would forever be etched in our mind and we will be what we would be future influenced by our living in these places.

The Olive was full and had people waiting even at 11pm on a thrusday night. The young crowd was no different from what could be seems in Leeds or Manila. There is a different Mumbai hidden inside the Mumbai that one sees everyday and the trick is to land oneself in that inner Mumbai though no one can escape the Mumbai that thrust itself to everyone there.

Some improvement in traffic management was obvious. By that it is meant that expected to have more traffic congesion but it was mot much worse than what I had seen before.

Whats is it that sometimes while chanting in Iskon Temple in Juhu that tear drops comes down naturally? Is it the anfuish deepdown that gets a outlet or a sign of submissiion in his feet. Being near the Radha Krishna, the shower of the holy water was experienced first time. Later in the Clipper lounge in the airport would meet Partha Banerjee by chance who would assure that he would be able to help for admission in any school in Mumbai. However, the uncertainty would continue since Sewri could be the Minburi of Mumbai. Planning seems to be becoming something to give up trying.

Things move amidst chaos in Mumbai banks. Modernisation seems to require lot more discipline and it becomes that much more difficult if one stays outside India. The cheque books are sent now by mails and take more than three days where as earlier it would just take 30minutes to get it from any of the branches. Yet, I got it still this time.

Stale air of food at different stages of being cooked pervaded the air around RNA Heights. Do one get used to it while living in the same place everyday?

The posh malls of yesteryears now seem to have become the haunts of masses and more elite malls have cme up somewhere else. The march of time seem to promise to make them haunts of masses sometimes down the line too.

The meaning of anything could be different depending on the relevant perspective and lenses being used to gauge it. So Mumbai was different this time than in the past when we were merely on holiday there.

Egypt These days

2011-02-02T19:13:00.000-08:00

I dont know much about Egypt but for what we have read about it in school history book and later over the years bits and pieces in new papers more in the context of turmoils in middle east and the tension around Isreal. But everyone knows Egypt as the land of sun, the cradle of civilisation an the mystical pyramids standing, guarding inside the secrets of bygone days.

Events of last week has thrust it in our concious. From far, it seems to be a spontenous march of people asking for change. They seems to have legitimate grivance about Hosni Mubarak for he has ruled over the lation for thirty year and there maynt be much for Egypt to showcase as progress or achievements. However, he has given the country and to some extent the region a sense of stability which is never to be undervalued. It seem to have been undervalued by the masses asking for change.

Any dictatorial regeimes survive on suppresion of opsitions and do wrongs to prolong their tenure. Hosni Mubarkar seem to have been no exception.

But Egyptian people asking for change should have tried taking lessions from around the their region. Tunesia seems to have done the regeime change successfully in shorttem but there are countries like Iran and Iraq qhich find themselves to have got into anarchie or deep abyss fo turmoil, uncertainty and social conflict. Even Tunesia would come face to face of what actually is the result of their mass movement against their ruller in the election slasted later. Indications are there that they could be up for somthing like what Iran got after their revolution to get rid of Shah.

A mass revolution would be ready when there would a credible leader available to fill the vacuum. Philippines's people power was succefful since the widow of a charismatic leader was available as a symbolic force around which people crystalised and she also rose up to the challenge to lead the nation. However, people got a change they wanted but the country didnt change much for the better over last decades since Ramos was banished.

Iran got rid of Shah. Shah was progressive, open and led it in a secular fashion. But forces engineered his ouster and the new order increasingly alienated people and world at large. Theseday, Iran is only in news for its belligerance and utter disregard to try to have a peaceful coexsitance with the world. Its quest for nuclear power should be leggitamate but sometimes nations need to raise itself bit beyound selfish urges for great goods. However, it is phylosophically true but cannt remember any examples of any nation doing it in recent past. However, people do it daily somewhere in their small mundame acts of living.

The scientist was living abroad, he doesnt have mass support or any tangible achievments. He sees his change and land in Cairo to fulfil his desire to head Egypt. The oppsiton musmil brother leaders whose names are no where to seen prove themselves to be able to take mature decision and decide to use the face of it exiled scientist as the one who would leade Egypt. To what, there is no talk. They would know it for sure that they can turn the scientist a puppet and tool to emberke on scocial reengineering.

Change for the sake of change is seldom known to lead to any tangible benefit.

In a nutshell, seems the current regime is the best bet Egypt. Specially now that their displeasure is known and now they should be in a slightly better position to expect some better concessions and deals from Hosni Mubarkar and his cohorts.

This is just a common man's perspective. Barak Obama seem to have concluded that Hosni Mubarkars days are numbered and they are busy jockeying themselves towards the Muslim bortherhood who they believe would be the leading Egypt next. US is not known to be prudent and they could be digging a hole for themselves if Army leans towards Hosni Mubarkar and he survives. Treachery is not tolerated by anyone who has proven to be capable of leading a country like Egypt for 30 years.

So, the world is now guaranteed to have more turmoils in middle east. The level of water in Niles would continue to rise, not from global warmings but from the tear drops of the broken mummies, vandalised for no fault of theirs.

Phuket (18-21st Jan)

2011-01-30T00:14:00.000-08:00

Getting the leave for the holiday in Phuket was into rough weather due to some visitors expected but eventualy was secured. These days the bookings made on budget airlines and hotels are allmost guaranteed not to be returned if the visit didnt materialise and since these are planned months ahead, the risk would always be there that for some reasons, the visit could get cancelled.

We were going to keep our date with Phuket during 18-21st Jan.

We packed our breakfast from Fraser place early monring and headed for airport. It was decided that we would go to Makasan to take the sky train to airport. We left in two taxies and Dona and myself were on the same taxi and had our mobiles. On the other taxies, Shennu was with his cousins and his uncles. We reached Makasan and they couldnt found anywhere. After sometimes, we got a call from his uncle sating they were taken to another station. While taking the phone got cut and couldnt reach again. He had said they would take the train to airport in five minutes and so we decided to wait in the station with the hope of getting togther with them. The train came and out came he, waving at us, We all rushed inside the train. Thus started our adventures in Phuket.

The air Aisa flight was on time and took us to Phuket. We booked to day trips from one of the travel agencies in the airport and after much hagglings and joking around sealed the deal. The jounrey from airport to our hotel reminded us of Palawan. Later, we would come to the conclusion that Phuket was a perfect blend of our beloved Boracay and Palawan.

The hotel wasnt on the beach and we didnt feel happy about it since it was booked. At the given price, it was quite good. We all slept off and thus wasted our first day in Phuket. The dinner was in the hotel.

We had quick breakfast next day and got picked up for our jouney to the Pier. We were going to Phi Phi Island. The road to the pier was long through the winding roads through the town. The twon had the disntinct feel of a small toursit place, it could be anywhere like Kodaikanal or Mossuirie. We were taken to the launch which was very full with people of many nationalities, except parhaps Thais. We were provided light entertainment for a young british guys who was getting drunk very very very soon.

We were taken to the money bay for snorkling. Shennu surprised us by effortlessly getting down and swiming around seeing the delightful corals and the multicouloured fishes. We didnt bring any towels from the hotels, so on return went to the deck to get sun dried. Its not normal for Asians to sun bath but I seems to have the fetish of getting darkened from exposure to sun. I quite like the brown skin that anyone who spends time of the beaches seem to poessess. The lunch was on the Phi Phi Island and if we could replan the visit, probably we would spend a night there. The white sand, the blue sea with knee deep water for miles, the swaying coconut trees, the utter silence was very inviting. As if time had stood still there even though one had to pay 10 Bhat to use the toilet.

The plan was to go to the Patong beach as soon as we came back to the hotel. A mere 10minutes walk from the hotel, we loved the beach at first glance. We were into the water quickly and since didnt have a ball, played throw ball for sometimes with an empty beer can. It wasnt safe, not right but lot of fun. Shrihaan showned he was as good as anyone in this game. We joined th some guys for a round of beach soccer afterwards.

We had a plan to go to to James Bond Island next day. The boat ride was not that long and the place was beautiful. The lunch at the water houses had a different earthy touch to it. The walk down the Soi Bangla was an alltother different experience. The place was pulsating with music, colour and commerce.

All through the bottle of black label was coming further down.

Dona desparately wanted to do some water sports. We went early next day for jet ski. The sea had a different colour in the early morning and we were enchanted. I fulfilled by desire to jog on the beach. For someone who doesnt how to swim, any water sport is not that inviting. Yet, enjoyed the jet ski.

Dona he her sister along with Dinks and Abhijay had massage. The car was waiting to take us to the aiprort for our journey back to Babgkok.

Alone

2011-01-15T07:19:00.000-08:00

She left her native country when when she was 28 and spent next three years in England. She impressed with her work but distanced people with her charme or lack of it. She had lot of life of her but these got channelised into building a career. She would flaunt her individuality by wearing dress of her native country that was not atall fit for a cold winter night in Mancester when cold artic wind kept people indoor. She maintained her chaste consertive image and didnt any controversy in her life.

She moved to Bangkok last year with a promotion. She still maintained her conservative way of life for sometimes. She would join his family to occasional small outings. But she wasnt careful about what she would talk and had lot of pride for she was managing her career well and alone. In her not so properous country, not many girls of her do and achieve what she had done. He distanced himself from her. She went wild and tried talking ill of him to her wife. She made peace by removing both of them from her facebook.

Few Months passed. They barely had much to say to each other even when everyday they would travel in a shared transportation.

She removed some of her conservative mores and came back strongly to him. Her body language said she was attracted to him. It became increasingly clear that she was bit desparate to marry and felt time was running out. She was winning to marry someone either 5year older or younger and later is not generally readily acceptable. She would have few guys about whom she would try to find out if they would be interested about her. Unknown to her, one of them was gay and another had targets galore.

Her attempt at finding her soul mate on matrimony sites only resulted in some much below her profile approaching her. It seems some never responded backed after she shared her photo. This when she was atleast decent looking.

Surving alone in different countries had made her strong and being anchored on religion, she was strong. This had also created confusion and plethora of options and thoughts on her mind that prevent her to choose any of the slightly suboptimal possibilities that would help her to reach her goal.

She is 32. She is strong, moored on corporate culture and have a mind and seldom afraid to share a piece of her mind when she felt required.

HEr mother lives in her native country and seems not have much connections with her relatives. Her brother funded and trained in a foreign country now was planning to go find his place under the sun in the same country where she studied.

What her future holds?

Schoolling

2011-01-09T07:01:00.000-08:00

Our days are like in school everyday. Only thing is no one prepares on how and when the critical learnings would come. More importantly, sometimes those learnings can hardly be used. It can neither be given to someone since often one need to learn though experience.

Few weeks back in one of the large gathering he said openly what everyone says in private. Everyone had a good laugh including the people to whom it was directed. Today, he came to me and said that he has been reprimanded for saying what he said. He lamented that we were urged to be open yet didnt appreciate when he was open.

Told him that that is life unfortunately. One got to be bit diplomatic, bit political to navigate one day at a time to accumulate enough goodwill to move ahead.

Is it right? Maynt be but then that is life.

About four months back we had booked tickets to Phuket but am told last friday that I would have business in Bangkok for which I could be required. So I wouldnt be able to go. I could still go but then there would be a price attached to it. Will I go? Nope. Thats life.

Like in a game of cards, we all get different cards and no one listens no matter how much we complain. We have to make strategy with what is given and do as best as we can. Its extremely difficult and we need sometimes to gather all the innerwill that we have got just to manage to remain sane.

He told he had a girl friend when he was just eight year old and they were a could till they were in University. He said he didnt know what happen afterwards. He but have married someone beautiful. Also probably strong since she travels international when would be travelling on business. Unlikly they can afford it but then still they do it. It doesnt occur to them to save for the sake of they beautiful two year old daughter. But then does it make sense not to do what heart wants for the sake of future that could be two decades away? I thing it is right, they thing it doesnt matter. That is life.

The ability to laugh and being postive are probably the important gifts we can give to our youngs.

New Year 2011

2011-01-03T02:32:00.000-08:00

31st Dec, 2011

We get up early (for a holiday) around 6 am and get ready rather lazily. We leave home by 8.30 by the train to airport. We found that the bus was available at 10.30 that would take us to Jometien Beach. The nonstop bus ride was quiote pleasant peppered with seaweed flavoured chips. We reach the last bus stop and on enquery, the driver agreed to drop us at our hotel for a consideration of 40 Bhat. We would later learnt it requires money flow in the turbulent phase to get what one wants in there.

The door of our room was opened and the the sea was staring at us. Such a lovely view that we immidiately loved it.

We got ready quickly for a bite and beach.

We found a lovely restaurant on a hotel opposite to the beach. We later realised that the regular staff including the chefs of that hotel must have been on holidays. Still, the view from where we sat was lovely.

We went back to the hotel in the evening to get ready for the night out. The dinner at the sea breeze restaurant was great. Shrihaan proably became of one of the few bengalees who had banger and mashed potato for dinner there.

Meanwhile, the lanterns were all over the sea. We wandered to the beach and realsed our own lantern. The firecrackers were lightening up the sky.

We welcomed 2011 from our hotel balcony. The fireworks done at Furama hotel was spektacular and made our stay worthwhile there. We slept rather late. Dona resolved to get up early to see the sunrise.

1st Jan, 2011

Still sleeping, realised Shrihaan went to remov e the cartains, said,'Mama, sunset over' and came back to sleep some more on the bed. He was definitely tired and sleepy. We later joked about it and laughed.

It was glorious morning. The glistening sea, the slight nip in the air, the warmth of the morning sun, swaying palms, the coolness in the atmosphere and hope and prayer and faith in the mind made it a wonderful time there.

I chanted and meditated a little in the morning in the balcony.

Breakfast at Furama was good. Shrihaan got his pasta and so we were satsified. Spent the wholeday at the beach. We went out in the evening. We found a bus that took us to Pattaya. Shrihaan was very tired and had a good sleep on the bus. We didnt get down at Pattaya so had a lovely roundtrip there. The dinner at Jometien beach was again nice. Shrihaan again found and liked his Pasta.

He is eight year old, he has lived 4 years in India, there years in Philippines and slightly more than a year in Thailand. He claims he is Kiwi, influenced by his cousins living in NZ. He likes Pasta and any food Italian.

We walked back to the hotel close to 1 am. It was a long walked and I felt guilty since it was tough walking that long for Shrihaan and Dona. I had to massage Shrihaan to get him back to good mood on our return. However, we realised that he was too sensitive on his lower portion of the body and was not alatt ameanble to traditional Thai massage that I think I have learned from experience.

2nd Jan, 2011

We got up and thought it must have been past 9am but found out that it was only 7am. We thus gained sometimes to laze in the balcony. We decided to be in the beach in the morning and later to check out. Dona wanted to go Silver lake to see the vineyard but we didnt have that much time and the taxi fare was on rather the higher side. We instead took a van to Pattaya and wandered around a bit. It was maddeningly crowded and very festive atomosphere pervaded there. We found Central and went to the top floor. The view was panoramic and we found a ocenfront table at AW to indulge in some fast food.

We caught the six pm bus back to the airport. we, specially Shrihaan was very sad leaving Pattaya, Jometien beach. We wondered why cannt we stay there forever.

Jometien Beach

2010-12-27T22:57:00.000-08:00

Thats where we will be during 31Dec-2nd Jan. We didnt plan anything till the last minute since we have a holiday planned in Phuket in middle of sept.
However, the pressure of holiday session was on Prinx and she succumbed to it as she most often done.
We were keen on Malaysia but then the visa takes few days, so got postponed to sometimes later in first half of 2011.
We were keen on Koh Samui but flights were too expensive. We went to checkout the trains but tickets werent available. However, we had lovely time at the Black canyon coffee shop at the station.
Closer home, finally got the bookings at a beach hotel in Jometien beach.
Holidays got to be planned ahead but the uncertainties of the job I have now doesnt allow me to do that. Hope we find stability soon so as to revel in mundane normality which seems to be sucha premium to us.
Time to think of the resultions for the 2011 and at my heart I know, need all the stregths of my soul to make the resolutions happen for the very sanity and existance.

Life Goes on, a movie by Sangeeta Dutta is a movie we wantched and loved couple of days

Prayers

2010-12-27T08:49:00.000-08:00

are something he have to try to do every living moment of the days. It hasnt been an easy life for him ever since he left his semiurban birthplace where he used to live with his mother and grandmother, to live with his uncle and aunt in the city. Those are the happy days when every weekend he would be waiting to listen to the whistle of the train that would signal that his father would be home, soon. Sometimes, his father would come in the next train. Meanwhile, he along with his Ma and grandma would worry and pray for his father safety.

Life's not been easy. He hadnt been able to walk the strainght path in life for various reasons, foremost must be the unknowns in his genes.

But what 2010 would dishout, nothing prepared him for it. He blames himself for it and takes responsibilities and is punished by the invisible fate. The lucidity, the santity, the ordinariness-all the knowns are showing sings of becoming not known anymore. Will he go mad? Will he do something that would undo what has been painstakingly built over so many years? Why did she do what she did if she nurtured and prayered for him for so long? What doesnt mean, how to interpret it, how to resolve it, how to fight the demons, how to have peace? Its a struggle even his familiar refuge is unwilling to assist him. The drugs provide temporary relief. It feels terrible when the light of the day is not there even at the day time.

He must not succumb to the negetive thoughts. He musters every tiny bit of the positive enery to fight back, to hold on to the things he values in life. He craved for a life beautiful, life full of meaning and richness, life bit mystical, life full of spiritualism, beauty and music.

There is no choice. He resolves to fightback and pray for survival. Tonight, he finds comfort in the antidepressant drug, one of the few miracles afforded to the tortured souls on earth.

Its poetic, also romantic when people say that measure of a man is his ability to stand up when he is knocked down. This is true probably whenthe knock one gets is something common, not very rare. Sometimes, when knocked down, even prayers seems inefective in helping recover. It requires more than a miracle for one to stand up again or atleast have the hope for the same.

And wait for dawn of 2011.

Our Yr4 son

2010-12-17T19:03:00.000-08:00

The parent teacher meeting on 7th Dec was quite satisfying and interesting. Last year Shennu had got 4Es but this time he got about 14 which is 25% of the total scores. We found the things where he need to concentrate according to his teacher are exactly the same ones which we have been trying to make him improve, so came largely as no surprise. What was surprising was that when we mentioned to Mr. Hockey that he need to write better, he defended him saying that ' actually, his writing is technically correct, look at this', and showed us one of his writing. We said later that indeed he seemed to have made lot of progress on writing in this grade from he was at the end of yr 3.

And we felt so proud that he got his pen licence yesterday, he was infact given first. Apart from him, only three other girls in his class got it. We didnt expect for him to get it so early and wer felt like now he is getting more and more confident to achieve things that matters.
He is also learing decimals in Kumon and his teacher there said that he is very quick to pick up things and understands concept, where he needs to focus is doing things properly all the time.

2010 coming to an end and we are happy for it. It has been a tumultous year for me personally which had singed some recesses of my heart permanently. It continue to be huge challenge to come back to the semblance of normacy.

But for what happened in my personal life, it was a satisfying year otherwise.

2010-10-23T23:21:00.000-07:00

Just completing a week in Shanghai without access to Facebook or ability to blog. Did I feel miserable? That led me to think what it was easy to live without these two additions when millions of people struggle to give out additions like smoking or drinking? Is it that body is more powerful than soul so far addictions are concerned? Do we live with body or mind? Isnt it easy to live without a mind but not possible to live without a body?

Been mailing Shrihaan and its wonderful to get his mails with news like he has created his facebook profile and have become fan of Ferarri group. That, at 8 is something I wouldn’t have believed otherwise.

Previously, I didn’t like Shaghai probably because always I had come in winter. Those, rainy, clod wet days didn’t appeal to my tropical soul. Thesedays shaghai was comfortably cold at 21-22oC, with not much chill in the air and plety of warm but shy sun. This time, loved Shaghai. It probably also helped that she was also there during the last five days.

Put few Chinese guys and girls, couple of Indian guys, few southeast Asians, few beautiful Australians, a turkish woman and one Frenchman working in US married to a south Indian and ask them to explore self with help from a oldish English guy and his old but still bimbish assistant and it is something worth filming to creat sometimes hilarious, sometimes insightful, always happy, always enjoyable days.

It was revealing that in a park, English western music is played and women of all ages learn dancing from guys paid by the hour. The lateness of the night, the lack of light, the soothing music, moving disinterested shadows creat a surreal atmosphere when even being alone in a crowd, one can feel being part of the entire act of lving experience.

One day at dinner, pigeon was served and she informed it is equivalent to nice keychains. After several glances here and there for understanding to emerge, she said it was equivalent to nice chikens and we should have to to have lot of energy!

Nextday, someone mentioned it had nine times cholesterol compared to chiken.

Something that could be explored but I had no intention in dining on pigeons so it wouldn’t have mattered.

Someone told the frenchman that the food was not that good and the frenchman replied, 'we arent here for gastromonical delight'. He responded,'yes, but my soul has to be happy'. On that the frenchman, smiled and said,' Oh, you sound like a frenchman'.

One evening out with a frenchman and a turkish woman, we reach bund which didnt impress us, probably because the lack of serenity there. When the boat, arrives, people run to grab a seat. However, the shear variaties and architechtural audacity and elelgance that sorrund it was tentimony to the fact that China means business and it's aiming for no second spot under the sun. We dine at Frech element, the menu made to appeal to a broad clientale with western, mid eastern and chinese offerings. What does the frechman orders? Salad, bread and soup! The food habit seems to have stunted sense of alliance to motherland for them.

People of each country has some distint traits though the human lives are more or less same everywhere so far aspirations, dreams, desires, fear, greed are same largely. Its surprising since the values are not always the same. Yet the human history of common peoples lives in is fairly homogeneous.

Durga Puja in Bangkok

2010-10-14T16:38:00.001-07:00

Bengalees residing in any corner on this earth would feel sad and nostalgic about Kolkata and bengal around this time of the year when the Durga puja is celebrated with passion, devotion and a sense of bliss like nowhere else.

The state would practically shut down these four days and everyone, have and have nots would be transported to a magical world.

It is celebrated by Bharti in Bangkok. The venue is Indo thai chamber of commerce in Silom. Being there yesterday night, offering prayers, talking in bengali with newly introduced people like we know them for years, eating the sinful fries, watching the dance perfomed by children so young that they faltered with a smile of innocence made us feel like we were at home.

If we were in Kolkata, the dinner would have been Biriyani or rolls. Being away and moving around like urban gypsies, we had dinner on rovoli, spaghatti carbonara and a steak. Living and fusion expressed in everyday mundane occourances.

Its holiday for Shrihaan and such a pity that I would be travelling most part of it.

Our adult mind thinks that we should give him lot of exposure, make him experience different things so we travel, go to different restaurants. Yet, we realise all he wants is stay at home, watch his cartoons, play with cars and lego and have good food from the restaurant at our place, delivered home hot.

Manila comes in our thoughts in many different times in many different context. Shrihaan suddenly said he misses the 'white candies' used to get from Red Ribbon in Manila. Need to travel to Manila sometimes to soon to bring back bits of taste of Manila back to Bangkok.

Humanity

2010-10-11T08:32:00.000-07:00

Very disturbing news emanates regularly from Afganistan about the sickening loss of lives of aid workers at the hand of Godless people who kill in the name of God.

While on the trademill today evening, I swtiched on the BBC and the news was about the latest such episode. My Vietnamese friend on the next trademill, smiles and say, ' every one knows, its so dangerous there, why does they go?'

Yes, why does they go? Do they believe that they have special protection while they see many to perish? Why dont their friends and relatives prevent them from going their? These are selfless at of goodness in a foreignland the signficant of which is beyound the ruthless people with no future.

At one level it seems like studpidity. But beyound it, these are people who are flagbearers of humanity. Knowing the obviou danger, they dont hesitate to risk their lives so as not to abandon the distressed people in far off lands to their doomed fate. They are the people who makes the difference to the human history and they are the people who through their supreme sacrifice keeps the fire of faith nurtured.

Is there God? I believe yet many a times the believe falters. Many of our wishes comes true and we see signs of His omnipotent presence yet there is no explanation of seemingly victory of evil over good, the evil acts that goes unpunished, the faithful that pays.

Yet, people through their sacrifices declare that the humanity on earth still have future and life is something worth celebrating.

But at some level their act are selfish too for the people left behind would pay throughout their lives thinking if only they could prevent them from going to those dangerous places. That is a terrible feeling that eats into the bones slowly but inevitably.

Prayers for Mercy.

Sons and Fathers

2010-10-08T10:26:00.000-07:00

How many years ago that was? When I couldnt help go to her place to thank her after reading the book she lent me? The book called Sons and Fathers which was one of the few books which I had to finish in one seating? That was when I was just entering the twenties!

Why am I think about it now that the clock says 12.26am and most of the Bangkok is deciding to call it a day and live to fight another day later today?

Our eight year old son has gone for his first sleepover at Mas's place. Last several days he was alternatively excited and sad about this sleep over.

We are used to have him with us in whatever we do. We have sometimes felt bit constrained thinking of the many things we cannt do given that we dont have anyone else at home to take care of him. However, we didnt feel like do any of those things we felt we were missing today. Since the house feels very quite and we keep wondering what he must be doing now with Filip and Mas? Wondering what games can they play when an Indian, a crotian and a thai boy decide to do a stayover? Got a call from him and he said he was loving playing with the puppies. He has been asking for a puppy for a long time now and am sure he would be full of it next several day till something else catches our eight year old's attention. What will that be?

We are but products of the conditioning we get from society and our faith and believe are also largely a result of that. I know for sure at their age, nationality haldly have any meaning to Shrihaan, Filip or Mas.

I also remember the bitter lonely man who came to briefly talk to me years ago. I was seated with Shrihaan who must have been 3 year old and was playing with him. The old man came to me and said, ' You love him so much, will he tak care of you when you become old?'. I realised that he must have been treated badly by his sons and politely didnt talk to him much. Life is such a experience that it forms and unforms many of our notions, believes and understandings and nothing can be judged in black and white. Worse, there is no answer to many of the queries that troubles our souls.

Interviewing a Bimbo

2010-10-01T22:25:00.000-07:00

is no fun at all. Since, it lead to an inner conflict of what the man inside would want but the morality inside would resist!
She was given our reference by her friend who also slyly told me, 'my friend is beuatiful'. Alas, that's not a prerequisit or even an advantage for a technical role.
She sent her resume that night. She had studied in Netherlands. Ability to speak English being a huge positive in Bangkok, I called her for interview.
She came, indeed very good looking and very elegantly dressed.
It went like this:
M: Please introduce yourself
S (grinning): Im Ae (nick name) from upcountry, I studied environmental science in Netherlands (I looked on), thats all
M: What is your favourite subject?
S: Water treatment
M: Ok, please explain what is BOD and COD
S(with a large grin): Oh, it was such a long time ago, dont remeber..
M (Bit puzzled): When did you graduate, this year, right?
S(with a big smile): Yeah, yeah, thats right
M: So didnt you want a job in Holland? How was it?
S: Oh, I loved it, it was so less crowded and beaituful, I wanted a job there but if one doesnt talk local language, its difficult to get a job there. So I come to Bangkok to look for job, my parents want me to work
M: Ok, please define viscosity
S(with a puzzled smile): What's that? I never thought I would be asked technical questions, so I didnt prepare
I feel torn inside increasingly.
M: So whats your salary expectation?
S: Hmm...18000 dollar....err Bhat
M: Ok, why 18 and not 20?
S: Hmm...since I dont have experience, may be 20 is ok....
M: Ok, do you know what is PH? What is the scale?
S: Hmm...its max 10 I think...
I increasingly feel dejected that cannt get her to work for us. With a big sigh, had to let her go!

Never Felt

2010-09-28T08:32:00.001-07:00

so tormented for a long long time. Unable to decide what I should be doing. Seems like standing in a crossroad and once one road is taken, it would also mean that all other posibilities wouldnt be ever realised. Issue is that not atall clear on what are the possibility we are talking about and more importantly the probablity of these possibilities turning into reality.

Today was suppossed to be the day when I had to decide but itseems can take another few days to make the decision.

One would give moring certainty, the other option would be to reconcile to interesting yet uncertaintime.

Being the ever gambler, finding it difficult to go for the option of boring certainty which however could be right for the life stage Im in but then we live only once and mind doesnt agree readily to it.

A general sense of hopelessness and feeling of being struck also pervades the soul which is increasingly feeling numb. Yet it is something which I cannt succumb to and trying to come out of the blues. Selfmotivation, hope and faith never felt more important.

I had one such year in my life years ago when I could think of doom and if I did and it turned out to be true, then I mightnt be here ruminating about it now. I somehow didnt feel that failure was a possibility and everything turned out much better than what I could have imagined. I need to do the same thing now.

Its easier said than done.

But I need to do that at anycost.

Walking around Lumpini Park

2010-09-25T02:17:00.000-07:00

yesterday night didnt help bring more clarity to what I should do. Why is it that in life mostly with me, always have to make a trade off and never get anything which make the decision taking forgone conclusion? Walked and prayed two round in the park yet the confusion relmains. Dont know if should play it safe or take risk and hope for the best. Sometimes it appears that it would be better to go back to something known to have a easy life which could be stable as well yet its difficult to let of what Im doing currently and the promises it might hold for future. Going for the opprtunity would mean compromising the the future growth yet the future growth otherwise isnt assured either. The enentuality of nonaction now is also not clear. It doesnt help that I dont have anyone whom I can confide and seek councel. In life on one needs some elders who have lot of experience to guide but I have also seen that at the moment of real needs, out of nowhere a friend, a guide appears to help sail through the rough patch. These days its quite difficult to find one whom one trust intutively and people are increasing learning to have a mask which is no longer skin deep.

what should I be doning? Got to decide by tuesday. Sucks.

Decision time

2010-09-23T07:13:00.000-07:00

Has arrived inspite of me dreading it. There is an opprtunity for us to get what we wanted but only partly. Its again a classic situation when to get something, we have to forgo many other things. Its not something so good that we would blindly aspire to take it up.

Mumbai is not an appealing place. The schools are crowded, not many school would have a decent play ground. Getting into a school of choice would be difficult. The multinational environment that we value would be missing there.

Roads are worse, the buildings are nondesriptive. Curruption abounds. Pollution galore. Driving is nightmare. Agression is the name of everyday living.

It would also mean being unsure about the next grade for forseable future.
Next grade is anyways something that cannt be seen in foreseable future.
Many of my peer groups have got it allready.

Yet, given the situation, it can provide the much missed stability and sense of security. Its a known devil.

Having fallen in love with SEA ways of living doesnt make it any easier. Growing up, living here is far easier than in Mumbai.

An ordinary graduate can become a management trainee and have a fast trakced career but in India one need to have a MBA from the best top five places to have a similar career. Do I push our son into such a situation? Will he be able to break the shackle and later be able to settle in Singapore, SEA, Eupore or US?

Is it destiny that decides our fate? To what extent we can influnece? Have always believed in prayer yet at this crucial moment in life, find the conviction lacking. Must try to get it back. Faith and confidence are everything that can decide our destiny.

Should we let of it and accept the uncertainty? Will it pay off? Will I be able to pull it off eventually if I let go off this opprtunity? Will something else come along?

Who can tell?
Sleep with this confusion, get up in the morning, tired with these thoughts in mind.

The surging

2010-09-19T06:21:00.000-07:00

sense of not being able to reach the desired destionation is playing havoc with the hormonal balalnce. The events of last one year has been rough and seems to be eating away the core of the life bit by bit. The recession, the death of my mother, the sense of running out of options in the career are gawning at mercilessly.
The recession seems to have made it impossible to get any good opportunities in Europe. Thus the remaining options are very limited and nothing very paetising.

Never have felt the tuck to give up and call it a day so strongly before.

Its taking every bit of nerves to stay on and fight back the sense of dejection thats feeling everyday more confident to rule over the soul.

But life's lessons are all there. Have been into near impossible situations and yet have come out of that. Impossible things have happened in life which I didnt have any power to make happen. Many a times, when on the verge of giving up hope for something, have seen the tide turn and rays of hope and dawn appeared. I didnt have tricks to make any of these possible apart from being hopeful, positive and prayerful.

Or may be these are the tricks which will again seem me through the present crisis which seems to be by far the biggest I have seen or so it seems this momont.

We shall overcome.

PS: After writing this, I was browsing other blogs randomly and found this: http://aheartforgod.blogspot.com/?expref=next-blog

Amaging, isnt? Should there be any doubt left about His presence in our lives?!

Corssroad

2010-09-14T20:12:00.001-07:00

We sit now classically at the crossroad. Have never felt more confused in life. So far only twice in my life I has very confused. Once back in stodent days at IISC bangalore, to decide on the project to do, I walked till 3am in the monring in the soccer field to make the decision. The decision was to take the more difficult road and it did help to have taken that decision. The other time it was more tumultous but the decision that was taken in retrospect was the obvious and easy one for a Asian guy.

Being rootless last four year, living the modern gypsy life been enormous fun. However, unstability and being on the move give rise to the nagging doubt on to what extent it would eb good for our boy and when we have decide to get mack to the settled normal life. In my gut, I feel we could do this for few more years but then it give rise also to insecurity if we would be able to pull it off when needed few years down the line or if it would make everything much more difficult. It is increasingly also apparent that it take time and lot of effort to understand a new country, its people, its moral fabric, its educational system and still it is much more difficult to understand the issues which one only understand being at a place for long time.

In Singpore, they do a segration at primary schoool based on merit and in effect ones destination is lrgely sealed at that early stage. Being a let bloomer who spent his young years being on the bad books of the teachers and only pulling it off at later stage, it doesnt give lot of comfort.

The education system is great in UK but then One reads about hundreds of student who wouldnt get a college seat this year and either have to take a year break or go for vocational colleges. Not very comforting reading to say the least.

All these have taken its tool and feel an inner urge to decide and be somewhere where we can be stable for next decade or so. Yet, feel it in my guts and find it difficult to acept that might have to compromise the career to achieve this.

Thats is difficult to accept.

Some opportunities are coming up and coming up fast and furious. If I let go of these, there is no guarantee that these would come again in future but some of these options look also suboptimal.
What Should I do?
Seems another night long walk, this time on the streets of Bangkok would happen soon.

Experiences

2010-09-10T09:26:00.000-07:00

The young boy was angry at his friend Philip. Whole evening he would just say from time to time and Philip is no longer is his friend and it would be only Lucas and may be Harry who would be his friend. On much prodding, he said that he was angry because Philip ran away from him when Mas asked him to do so. He was angry with Mas too but was much more angry with philip. He also planned what he is going to say and do to Philip.
Nextday, his mom said that she got a call from Philip's mom and she had said that Philip was very worried and said previosu evening at dinner time and had said that his closest friend probably wouldnt keep him as his best friend.
The boy laughed a happy laugh and asked,'what did Philip said again, mama?'
Think friendship is always knowing being wanted and cared for. Hurt and misunderstanding are often the cause for moving apart.
True even when the boy and his Croetian friend is just about 8 and 9 yr old.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Seems Mas is moving to England and he has told his friend,'why dont you ask you dad to get a job in England?' The boy knows that his dad got a call from a headhunter for a job in UK. He said, 'why dont you take that job? I can then be with Mas?' Innocence is simplicity.
------------------------------------------------------
The man was looking for a medicine in the drawers and after sometimes found a old tube and went on to use it. The boy said,' Please check the expriery dates?' How do the eight year olds know about expiery dates needed for medicines?
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The boy is always late for the scoll bus. He sleeps late and find it difficult to get up in the morning. Couple of days back he was specially late and ran to catch the bus. In the evening, he said seepishly,' the big guy told me, he you are damn late today, you need to sleep early. Why do you sleep late?' Being a leo, he answered' Oh, I watch TV'. Actually he gets late sleeping since he has to finish his homework and do komon. However, he was that day very conscious of going to bed early and next day got up without much prodding. He was obviously not late for the bus. What his parent have been trying to instill as a discipline of sleeping early and getting up early for last several years but never succeed got done by the big guy called Sameer who share the bus with the boy.
If one doesnt learn something needed from parents, he has to learn it from society, sometimes in bit hard way. Society always teaches one what we have to know and learn.

Expect to be surprised

2010-08-27T11:02:00.000-07:00

The first impression about him was that he tended to act bit extra smart, unneccessarily. He would try to show off and had a air of one who knows it all. Overtime, his inner simplicity, his very middle class grooming, typical thoughts one associate with mediocre upbrings, the goodness, helpfulness became aparent. He would divulge things gleaned from corporate gossiping and also help much beyound what one could expect from a collegue.
Being protective towards his subordinate was another aspect of his personality. It appeared to be normal and nothing worng about it. He openly took credit for changing her look and appearance from a something nondescriptive to something acceptable, allmost being attractive.
He was married with kids and given his personality no one would have expected him to walk beyound the narrow and straight line that the simple people walk. He was fond of his son.
There was no reason to think anything other than this over a period of three four years.
Fasttracked to 2010, a friend of his disclosed that he has fallen in love with his suboridinate and wasd ready to divorce his wife to marry her. Shocking would be an understatment. But then who says that in life anything is as it appears.
Any pride in being able to read people is nothing more than something wating to be shattered.
Honesty is afterall nothing but either lack of courage or opprtunity.

Writing skills

2010-08-22T08:20:00.000-07:00

What occupies my mind now a days is how to teach a boy to love writing and love writing well. Suddenly, it seems to be insurmountable job which I feel clueless how to achieve. My mind goes back to my yonger years when I didnt have much love for anything related to studies, leave alone writing. That changed when I grew up and though I dont have solid gramtical foundation, I feel I get by writing ok. That has happened since I seem to have develop a 'sense of what's write gramatically' by reading many many books written by many many different authors. Shrihaan doesnt seem to be my interested in reading at this stage either, Im not sure how many eight year old love reading and writing either. However, being a parent and it being something not to do with myself, I feel sooner he develops writing skill and love reading, better it would prepare him for a beautiful life.

The question remains how do I achieve that.

I have spoken to teachers and they say that he should read a lot, that would help him write with the right strcuture. But how do I make him love reading? There are few authors he love reading but he more interested in talking to me about his friends and computer games and what he wants as reward for achieve something (can be as innocuous as doing two Kumon worksheets!)

Reading at bed is something I too need to have discipline to make him do it.

I look back at my past and I remember to memorise things, I used to read and write. This greatly help it to commit things like mechanism etc to the memory and chances of mistakes also comes down.

I tried that with Shrihaann with bit modifications. I asked him to read something and just write about it. However, it became a challenge for me to find something that he would love to read and then write. Also, improving his style is another challenge.

Next we thought he should be writing about things he does in his daily activities. We would ask him to write about places we visit, games he plays and some simple topics.

We did whole of the summer vacation though not that regularly since we didnt want to deprive him the joy of playing and having fun during summer vacations. We find he has improved somewhat. There is more facts and varieties in his writing now. We are proud of his vocabulary. I infact cannt often beat him in word games but before we wouldnt find him using any of the beautiful words he knows. He would tell he doesnt use wow words since he was scared of making spelling mistakes. We encouraged him to use wow words even if the spelling would be wrong. Now sometimes we do find him using some good words.

He has wirtten a room was 'enormously small' and while I was checking he himself asked me is it was bit funny!

It seems to be wrong drawn process that requires lot of committment from us which sometimes we fail to live up to. Need more decipline.

Turning 8, our boy!

2010-08-15T02:33:00.000-07:00

Shrihaan will be eight this 18th August. He is still so very undecided what to ask for his birthday gift.

Many nights he spent dreaming about PS2 since his close friend has got it. The he came to know his friend is in fact asking his mom to buy him PSP which Shrihaan has got. He thus got little confused even after doing innumerable internet search that convinced him that PS2 is a better choice. We didn't get any new games since we left Manila about a year back and hence he must be bored playing the same games. Its such a great experience and joy discussing with him everyday before going to bed what should be his gift.

A trip to MBK to checkout the games is thus in order today. We went and bought a memory card full of games! Wonderful to see his face lightup, am sure next few days he would be inseparable from his PSP.

He also wants a lego.

He is always the youngest boy in the class. So much so that he school reopens on 18th August which is his birthday. He has given his friends the impression that he is 9year old and thus forbid Dona to take any cakes or anything to his class on that day!

We will invite his close friends Fillip (Born in NZ of Croetian parents), Florian (German-Chinese, a nice musically inclined boy who will be going to Germany soon) and Ariaman and Aushman( they moved to Bangkok recently from New Delhi).

Since moving from Manila to Bangkok, Shrihaan didn't have much friends apart from his close friends and we used to rue it dearly. However, Ariaman and Anushman moved in to our building at the beginning of his summer vacation and they had a wonderfultime together. They were Godsend for him. They moved to their permanent place today and presumably all the boys 9and their parents) are quite sad.

Still we are undecided what we should gift Shrihaan for his birthday. We know thought that we would do everything to make him happy and smile.

PS: I will be missing his birthday on 18th August since I will be travelling to Jakarta during 17-19th August. Got to make it up when I come back.

Sanity

2010-08-14T06:16:00.000-07:00

He seemed to have entered a very dangerous phase of his life. The basic assumptions, the moorings seem to have got undone. The roots which seemed to have been there suddenly seem to have got washed away with the terrible thing that happened. Sometimes he wonder whethere he is going mad? He doesnt recognise the awakened monster inside him. He didnt know such vile and evil thoughts could have come from within him. The sudden directionlessness, the sudden anger at anything and everything, the sudden loss of value and wanting to craft a beautiful future seems unnerving indeed. He reads many stories of people who when lost their mooring and committed terrible things which sometimes doesnt seem that horrible to him and that scares him a lot. He seem to be loosing his refuge. The refuge he got at childhood in Kali temple at Kalighat and at a later stage in life at Iskcon temple seem to be receding slowly beyound his reach. While feeling that being washed away in a terrent, he tries desparately to hold on to Hanuman Chalisha.

The particular upbrining also didnt instill any sense of normal values and adherance to people that one can expect in any normal family.

He knows whats done is done and he has to do everything possible to make today as beautiful as he can and ensure tommrrow remains sane and wholesome.

He know though that he cannt afford to loose it at anycost.

He cannt afford to succumb to this. He resolves to fight it to get back the life he had known as normal and sane.

Tiger on a feeding bottle

2010-08-13T07:16:00.000-07:00

Where do you get to see a tiger being fed by a monk with a feeding bottle? Where do u see a grown up tiger provoked to chase to reach the place faster so he can be chained yet remain content? Where a tiger's head can be placed on the lap of 5-6yr smiling girl for her to be photographed? Where a group of people would pay 500Bhat just to go and see the spectacle of donesticated tigers?

Tiger Temple, Kanchanaburi. A two hour drive from Bangkok.

The home of famous bridge over river Kaew. The walk down the bridge didnt however evoke anymemories of fierce battle which was faught there. Its a little dangerous briegde over the river where on this day of leisure, many many people were taking lazy walk.

The war museum stands testimony to the history.

We took a car to go there. May be we will take the train next time which might give us a flavour of the different thailand.

Jim Thompson

2010-07-31T04:21:00.000-07:00

Every life has a story to tell yet mostly those stories go untold. There are mysteries around and mostly these goes unsolved, untold, unresolved.

Disappearance of Jim Thompson is one such story. Only difference is that it spun a small scale industry on which many people earn their bread in Bangkok. No glossy book on Thialand gets published unless it has a very clolourful description of Jim Thompson house and stories of his markeeting the Thai silk to rich and famous accorss Atlantic.

Decades gone since his disapperance but even on some sunday news paper there would be stories and his life, deed and final disappearance.

Seems he used to live alone in his house in Bangkok but on the day of his disapprance he was holidaying with his lady companion in Mylaysia.

Many people fall in love with many cities yet very few figureout how to live in their beloved city. His did it through silk, making a rich business out of it.

The restaurant is good but expensive. The visit didnt leave any lingering throught ot nostalgia or questions for that matter.

Just one more activity that got ticked off, been there, dont it sort of way.

The heart flutters, searching for semblance of stability, solidity and continuity.

Asarnha Bucha Day

2010-07-26T05:12:00.000-07:00

Today is a avery auspicious day in the Land of smilling Budha. This is the day when Lord Budha delivered his first sermon in a deer park in Benaras. This might be celebrated in pockets in India but this is celebrated at a national level in Thailand.

We went to Wat Trimit near China Town to offer our prayer. There is something special in the temples in Thialand.

A little girl, might be aged two was bowing with flowers in her hand while her feets were jiggling in a playful manner. The nation learns to bow to God, authority and elders probably from early age.

In China town saw a Chinese temple. Extremely colourful and full of different charaters. Still dont understand what they worship being atheist as a nation.

The struggle to master the art of forgetfulness continues with some success.

One month

2010-07-22T11:05:00.000-07:00

She is gone a month back now. A days didnt pass when he, his being didnt howl searching for a reason and logic for you to have gone. He is asking many questions and silence always answers back. The art of forgetting been never more required. The time passed in blurr in everyday mundan business of living. He dont think it would ever be easier to accept and not feel etranlly guilty and responsible for what happened to her.
He had thought sometimes back how he would cope when she is gone and he thought he would be able to manage. He didnt know then how it would happen that would rattle his very mooring.
Going to sleep and waking up with the same thought on her. The silence was never more empty and uncompromising to him.
He never thought there could be something that could take him away from his chanting and faith in Him & Her. It is allmost happening now and its a huge struggle for him to keep the faith and pray for sanity.

You

2010-07-18T09:09:00.001-07:00

He still misses her. The late evening sms's. The shy smile. The forced ignoring. The waiting. The easy ways of working. The messages that God heals and God is there that hinges us to reality and something ebyound the everyday reality. The sms's has as expected comedown to allmost nothing. The memories stays, the memories pain, the memories make the yearning to get back you. The old woudn that never healed craves for somethings that never happened, the thoughts that were full of pontials yet never happened. You came to Bangkok many times yet never met, will never meet. Meeting means meeting alone. Being forever the good girl of the family means me to always having to remeber you as someone I wanted in my life but its something never to happen. But I do believe in impossibles happening in life. So the waiting would continue.

Suffering

2010-07-18T02:46:00.001-07:00

It feels aweful to be scared for having a good moment. One moment, he is lost in the beautiful moment and having fun and the next the memeries and guilt floods and incapacitates him and a fear engulf his bones. Any suffering is painful but all his life he has thought that suffering anf joy comes a discreet and different times. He didnt know he would live the days when a joyous moment, a moment of reckless laughter would invite the veil of suffering to be removed so it has a vantage point in his soul. He doesnt understand what teaching could be there in it for him? He is shaken that the life he has know seemed to be at risk now and the unknown send s chill and shiver down his bones. What is it and why is it that he faces this? Anyone's life his full of acts that are not just and pure and his wasnt any worse. The why is it that he and some other peoples are cursed with something so selfish, so devastating that its so difficult to recover from it and makes everything appear meaningless?

He searches for something, a straw to hand on to that will make the warmth of sun, the breeze back in his life and he wouldnt be scared to exerience and celebrate living. He doesnt have any answer to his prayers from his weeking soul.

It has happened to other people and some of them has succumbed to it. He resolves and stregthen his mind that he has reasons and responsibilities to comeout from the depth of the lightless abyss he has fallen into.

Somewhere out there there is a teacher and there is mercy waiting for him.

Hate Travels and stays!

2010-07-18T02:09:00.001-07:00

Couple of years ago, they were in Amsterdam for week. One evening, we went to the city to see what any one who goes to Amsterdam wants to see. Went to a cafe to have a coffe and weed. Not being sure about the last train timing, asked the guys seating beside when was the last train and he sniggered that he didnt work on the raiways. The that guy said something to the babe selling coffee and both launghed a little.

He supported Spain with whole of his heart and what joy sunshined his soul when they scored and denied the dutches days of celebration. The dutches also showed how unprofessional and ungentlemanly they could be when they prayed rough and dirty and he knew they world get some red cards that day. When it happened, he rejoiced.

So you live to creat good memories and dont misbehave with stragers. Life equilibriates things ina strange way and you should always try to live the way life feels justified in rewarding you.

22nd, June, 2010

2010-07-18T01:56:00.000-07:00

Was sleeping when a the ringing of phone wake him up. The clock said 11.50. Someone from distant land informed him demise of his mother and details were sketchy. Several calls to three cousin brothers didtn help. He called his borther and what he heard would scar his for life. A scar that's unlikely to heal or diappear in a hurry, if ever. The art of forgetfulness was never more cherished by him. Now he could get it momentarily thanks to medical miracles buts thats too for few hours. The routined mundane life in its everydayness that he was living seemed at risk of becoming history. The discipline, the expectedness, the things to look for were all in shamble. All his life, something beyound his comprehension has kept him walking the staright and narrow road which suddenly seemed like arteries. What to life for? How to keep sanity? How to again pretend that he hasnt erred and there is no way to earn forgiveness and peace? The small sins, the small plesures of life seems like something poisionous beyound comprehensive. Prayers so dear to him doesnt come naturally anymore. The faith was the lifeline of his life is at risk of becoming nothing to hing himself anymore. The soulessness of everything is all encompassing. He is scared to like or love anything else he is punished for it. He wants it all back and want it all to remain in peace and sanity. The thoughts come, its as if there is some nudging but he knows he could but he wouldnt. The sudden vacuum is unbearable. He tries to punge himself more into work, more into sleep, into anything that would help him not to remeber.

Bangkok happenings!

2010-05-30T07:31:00.000-07:00

Being barely nine month old in Bangkok, its hard to pretend that I would understand its society, the tensions, the undercorrents, the hopes and aspirations that has defined the harse reality of last several weeks in Bangkok. The Bangkok that we knew as holidaying paradise, the trainquil land of excesses is changed forever.
It all started with a air of vestivity and good natured gest. So much so, that I would walk around those rally site in search of suvenirs.
I did that too on 10th April and terrible things happened that night. The whole atoshphere and colour of the thing changed and it dawned on us how dangerous it could be there.
Staying in Langsuan road, we found roads at the both end (Rajaprasong and Lumpini Park) getting closed with heaps of tire and assorted flamable material.
We decided to try to move to another place and we got help in doing that.
I was in Manila on 14th night and was having dinner in North park when I called Dona and she said soe leader has been shot. I allmost ran down to New world hotel to go online and realised that more chaos was expected in Bangkok. I worried if it would be safe to come back to Bangkok, specially when I was to fly to Singapore on 16th again.
While coming back to Northgate from airport, saw huge black collumns of smoke little father away.
It was scary, it was mind numbing experience. Every living hours were spent on checking it out online and watching TV. Soon realised how media can let down people by the balan coverage by CNN. Media is suppossed to be honest and have huge responsibility towards the society but then who says that for prostitution, one has to walk the road! Switched to Aljazeerza. Discovered Thaivisa.com. The battered primeminister, who was becoming an example of comical inefficiency slowly showed decisiveness and managed to bring back a semblance of normality. The subsequent occurances again proved that laws and rules have to be implemented shiftly, decisively and imparitally. If not, Bangkok will happen.
It appears to me that people of Thailand are far better off than in many Asian countries and rich-poor devide is not as mind numbing as in many of ther Asian countries. The land is fertile, good infrastucture has resulted in a society where at least the bare basics are guarateed. Again, everyday life is relatively free from the interferance from government, hence democracy is not all that bad like in many countries. One thing that is clear is that to run this kind of things for close to two months require lot of money and money it had. The shear audacity, the shear scope of the things that happen indicated powerful men behind it with intelligent, schemeing minds which could be better applied for common good.

Movies

2010-05-30T07:25:00.000-07:00

There are movies that lifts the mind beyound the mountain of banalities sourronding our daily lives and both Mama Mia and Alaska did that to us yesterday.

When Dona was borrowing the Mama Mia from the BPS library, the librarian asked her, 'have you seen this movie? My God, she slept with three guys, all at the same time!!'

Resolving to start a voyage of world movies.
Whats your recommedned movies?

Bangkok - One side of the story

2010-05-23T01:24:00.001-07:00

Got these in the mails and worth capturing at the backdrop of the unrest in Bangkok

Dear Everyone,

Before all else, I would like to apologize if by sending this email toyou I may have breached your privacy and political views. If it is –I am truly sorry. You may choose to delete it without reading anyfurther.You may have recently learned from the international media such as CNNor BBC, etc., about the situation in Thailand and more specificallythe situation in Bangkok. We have also seen those reports especiallythe ones on CNN and BBC, and are so disappointed by the inaccuraciesand gross oversight that they have displayed in reporting on thesituation. They have totally misrepresented the news to the extentthat we are starting to wonder whether in fact they are as unbiased asthey claim to be or rather that they should wish to choose an anglefrom which to report so as to gain the most exposure and sentimentamong their viewers and thereby achieve their desired economic gainswhilst totally disregarding responsible journalism.Yesterday, one of my friends, Reungvit Nandhabiwat, wrote a short noteon this thought which I think very accurately expressly ourdisappointment and frustration at those foreign press/media.I am writing to you today to implore you to please read through theshort note. Should the contents not be controversial to your ownvalues and views, and if you are a believer of truth and believefurther in the reporting of truth and responsible journalism, thenplease, would you be so kind as to help me forward it to a news agencyor news house or TV station or radio station in your internationalcommunity so that the fact can be heard and that the Government ofThailand headed by Prime Minister Abhisit Vejjajiva is fairly andtruthfully represented in the news to the eyes of the internationalcommunity.Lastly, if this email should not be in accordance with your personalvalues and views, please – by all means – do delete it. I apologizeagain for this intrusion into your privacy to ask for your help.

Very Best Regards,
Jiravich Nathalang - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The Case Against the International Media’s Report on ThailandThis is going to be a long note, but I want my overseas friends tounderstand what has been happening here in Thailand. You would onlysee the soldiers' shooting scenes or injured people being carried awayon international TV channels for 30 seconds, but never got to knowabout the background. The truth is, the Thai government has been tooaccommodating by withholding the use of force since the rally started2 months ago (with the exception of 10th April event, when thesoldiers were ordered to move in without live weapons and subsequentlygot slaughtered by unknown gunmen shooting from the 'Red Shirt'protesters).The majority of us support the government in dealing with theterrorists hidden amongst the protesters. It held talks with therally leaders and offered peace solutions to them 10 days ago. ThePrime Minister publicly urged the protesters to disperse for fear ofviolence created by the terrorists. But the plan wasn't accepted.So, it's time to block food and water supplies entering the center ofthe protest. If the protesters were peaceful, they wouldn't rush outto throw rocks, firecrackers and even bombs at the soldiers' barricade-- thus, causing the soldiers to defend themselves by firing rubberbullets and live rounds.It has been very frustrating for the law-abiding citizen of Bangkok --we even voiced our dissatisfaction at the government for its failureto uphold the laws. The situation was like Bangkok was being held forransom. A lot of businesses got affected because it's right in themiddle of the major commercial area.Again, think what your government would do if there were a large groupof protesters blocking all traffic at Orchard Road in Singapore; TimesSquare in NYC; Ginza in Tokyo; or Knightsbridge in London for twomonths. They set up barricades to search through personal belongingsof everyone travelling through the area. Also think what it would doif those protesters invaded a nearby hospital, causing doctors &nurses to evacuate patients -- some of whom are newborn babies inincubators and those in ICU -- to other hospitals. And most importantof all, think what it would do if the protesters were found to havelarge stockpile of M79 grenades, M16 & AK47 assault rifles.Do you think your government would be as tolerant as the Thai government?

Reungvit NandhabiwatBusiness owner, Bangkok, Thailand15 May 2010

2010!

2010-01-05T09:08:00.000-08:00

What a year that was 2009 with huge changes in our lives! Its 2010 now and knowing enough, I didnt feel like making specific resolutions yet I feel more resolved in my guts to chase the things which are important.

A new year is like a reminder of our mortality, may be this feeling itself is a sign of ageing.

None of our thoughts and resolves are anything but transient. A year back, we didnt feel that we would want to come back to Mumbai or Kolkata but now as we completed our yearly holidays Kolkata and Mumbai, we cannt wait to come back.

Its nothing but people who keeps us rooted to a place, provided we have that choice. Out good friends from Manila now being there in Kolkata, made all the difference in our qualitative experience in Kolkata. The new year party at the DKS club is soemthing I would like to go back again and again. Some qualitative improvement on the road conditions and drop in pollution also played a role. The people(atleast some of them like anywhere else I guess) of Kolkata we met are
were welcome as we clubed in DKS during those last days of 2009!

Sitting in Kolkata malls with chai, Manila and BKK seems like distant memories. Is it the physical distance that influence the depth of our memories?

No one is independent and recession is playing havoc with everyone, may be directly or indirectly. Thus, some expats are coming back to India depardising the prospects of some of the collegues still working in India.

Shrihaan love the bengali sweet 'Rossogolla' which is what bengalee's are largly associated with and wanted more' Rossomolla'! Cannt blame him, never spent much time in Kolkata and got the name 'slightly' wrong!

2009 was quite eventful. We moved to Bangkok, three of us went through the joy and pang of settling and figuring out a new place sans friends. People who we thought would help let us down but help came from unexpected quaters. Met the monetary target we set ourselves when we left Mumbai in 2006 but realised its never a set target and now we work with another new target. Shrihaan gave us a sense of moments of joy and confidence when he did very well in his interview in BPS and got into the top groups in both maths and English in his class. I survived three months without a team and now things can only improve.

We confidently look at 2010 and believe its going to be a great year. We too pray that all sadness and sorrow disappear from the face of the earth and everyone get to celebrate life.

Learning to Cycle!

2009-12-06T05:44:00.001-08:00

Ancient city on the outskirt of Bangkok have many spectacular architechtures from all over Thailand and we used the long weekend to visit it today. The scenic, lazy, rural setting and not entirely on your face kind of commercialised atomoshphere made it worthwhile to have a day trip admiring and marvelling at Grandpalace, floating market, various temples of Budha, ancient ruins.

But those were not the highlight of the day.

Shrihaan is a great addict of cars and he is allready onto his fourth cycle. However, the latest one doesnt have the side wheels and thus so far he has been able to cycle.

In the ancient city, we could take bycles and I took one to cycle around which was lot of fun since I was cycleing after a decade or so. He naturally followed and I helped him holding the cycle to have him a round. I was moving back to my cycle when I turned and saew him cycleing on his own. Such a wonderful scene and another great milestone. He still struggled to take turn but he was just thrilled. He may be one of the very very few person who have learnt to cycle on the grass cover field by the side of the lake (over which the rainbow briwdge stand majestic) inside the Ancient city.

Watching him take small steps towards confidence, maturity, knowledge, I remeber what my father wouldn have done for me. Mostly, I dont remeber each of the small things he might have instilled in me so that someday I would be ready to face the world. I only realised what it means to have an unbrella over head when I lost him and broke off with my uncle who nurtured me (albeit at a very high emotional payment). Somethings need to be resolved inside me if only I knew how. Meditation helps in bringing peacefulness but its probably not yet deep enough to remove the many scares in the deep recess of my heart. Im always so worried not to do anything which will make Shrihaan think the way I do.

We also found Watson, the friendly taxi driver who waited for us today and we are sure he will be there in most of our day trips from now on. He is smart, he has found the right spot in Bangkok which is to wait near Fraser and do mostly day trips. One dont mind paying something extra on holiday, afterall. A small price to pay to have a waiting taxi after a tiring day, holidaying.

Diplomacy

2009-12-05T10:05:00.000-08:00

Its really an amaging experience to listen my seven year old luuk chai answer like a seasoned diplomatic adult to his class teacher.

He came back home few days back very upset and livid and complained that he wouldnt like to go to school again and also started doing a tally of misdeeds of his class teacher with the intention that when the tally reaches ten, he would go to police. He was so disturbed that Dona called me in Jakarta and we decided to write to his class teacher so that the issue could get resolved. Its never easy to write to his teacher complaining about himself treating his student badly. However, few mail exchanges resulted in his teacher explaining why he did what he did and said sorry to Shrihaan.

Nextday we went for the parent teacher meeting. He called Shrihaan also to sit along with us. I felt its not right to discuss his stregth and weaknesses infront of him and so suggested if he could leave. His teacher said, he would like to ask him few questions and then he could leave and play in the play ground.

Mr. AP: Tell me two things you like about the school.

Shrihaan: Hard court and the playground

Mr. AP: Now, tell me two things that you dont like about the school.

Shrihaan: Not sure!!

Mr. AP: Tell me two subjects you want are strong at.

Shrihaan: Maths and spelling

Mr. AP: Tell me two subjects you want to do better

Shrihaan: Science and writing

Later, on being quizzed, he confided that he didnt know what to say, so mentioned sceince.

He handled the interview infront of us with his teach who is known to have a no-noncence and serious attitude with apolbm. It was enormously surprising to me and I felt so very proud of you, Shrihaan.

This pressure!

2009-11-14T08:06:00.000-08:00

Moving to a new role without having a team is something I wouldnot have imagined how it would be even few months back.

But this has been my reality last couple of months and its something thats forcing me to brings out everything that I have inside me to just cope, just tide over.

It beats me why people from other groups couldnt moved to my group allready. We have to establish this group but the other groups are established, moving few frome ach group wouldnt have hurt them that much but would have helped me a lot. But that wasnt done.

Day after day, I work every waking hours of the day, including weekends.

Hopefully, will get few guys by end of the year but still it would take months to be in the same position I was in my previous role.

It takes time but that is something no one would be willing to give. I keep reminding myself to stay calm, sta focused and stay positive that this too will pass and better days would emerge.

I need to recurit a manager, where do I find him?

Its a huge sacrifice, havent gone anywhere on holidays so far and its unlikely that we will find time soon to do it. Havent even thought of getting a car since wouldnt be able to invest time in going around getting a car and then getting the licence in Krung Thep.

I fear burnout.

Often, wonder if its worth it. But then I have to pull up the scok and remind myself millionth time that I have mastered different jobs before and will do so this time too.

I feel bad for Shrihaan. He doesnt deserve the pain he is going through having to adjust to the new school. Wonder if I made a mistake in deciding on this school, may be should have opted for BSM.

We pray for all of us and our friends.
-----------
Myself: Shrihaan, sleep. You just sleep 8 to 10 hours.
Shrihaan: Oh, I just need to sleep for 2 hrs, 8 to 10? No problem!

You gigle your khak khak giggle!
---------------------------------------
Myself: Shrihaan, keep the lego, no more today.
Shrihaan: I know why you dont want me to play with it, if I finish, I will ask for one more. So you want me to be slow in making it.

Naughty, naghty my boy.
------------------------------------------------

Spirits-I bow to thee!

2009-11-10T09:16:00.000-08:00

Thailand seems to be the land of believers, specially if one travels to some of the holy places in the interiors of this beautiful nation on move.

Naka. Protector. Naka lives on. Naka grant goodwill and windfall. Naka protects. In faith, we propsper.

Some people can see Naka.

Every corner, there are spirit houses, we bow as we pass by. We dont touch the doorsteps since spirits stay there. There are good spirits. We keep all spirits happy.

Believers. Peaceful. Not subjugated.

Temples galore in every streetcorner. We bow. We become more respectful. There is beauty in the way of worshipping. The flower, the incense sticks, the lit candle, the bowing, the prayers.

First Field Trip

2009-11-06T18:48:00.000-08:00

You have turned seven this 18th august, 2009.

We have moved to Bangkok on 31st August.

You, like us, mourned this move and we were also looking forward to it for it opens up vistas of million new experiences. We stealed ourselves and prayed that with time, we will settle and enjoy.

For the first time, few days back, you told you liked your school in Bangkok. It meant so much to us.

We prayed that you get many friends quickly. You have few now atleast, last saturday, we were so happy that whole day you spent with Florian, his brother and his friend.

We see signs of things your school is imbibing in you. We are happy when you say, 'thats lame!'

From facination on cars in Manila, you have got facination for Lego now in Bangkok. Its costlier but we are happy.

You can spell now 'smear and scorch' which probably I struggled to spell when I in seven or eight grade.

Now this January, 2010, you will go for a field trip from your school. You, who have slept never alone. You, who still needs help in drying yourself after bath and thing I will not say lest it embrasses you!

It gives us goosebump. How will we stay for 3days and 2 night when you go for your field trip? Will you be able manage alone? Will you eat properly? Will you be able to sleep alone? What will you do if in night you want to get us and look for us? Will you drink enough water? will you be enjoying everything its meant to be? What will you do if you feel cold at night?

This will make you more independent and I dont like that though I know its good for you, my dear son. Thats the dellema all fathers suffer from and have to learn to come to the right decision.

How will I face the quiteness at home without you? Will we still keep the cartoon chanels on just to keep it familiar? How will we sleep without your warmth in the bed? Should we also checkin to the resort you will be paying? We arent allowed that we arent even allowed to alllow you to carry your mobile!

Mama asked you to practice sleeping alone. Your response, 'those who have brothers or sister, sleep alone, I will sleep with you.' It have a warm glow to our faces and heart.

We rejoice at every sign of your developments and we love the way you are. We love all the funny crazy things you do which makes us smile even after manydays when we think of it.

We know you will be taken care off. Yet, we cannt just believe that you are now grwon up enough to go to a field trip!

2 You

2009-11-06T07:58:00.000-08:00

You are here.

I met you yesterday.

Came back with a sense of hollowness.

It was good but lacked meaning or deapth. Didnt have any epxectations, still, expectation are there.

You will not meet me without someone being around.

You know how I feel about you.

You are much stronger.

You like to keep simple and indeed its more peaceful.

I have always chased the highes and been ready to pay for the low. Tranquility is not something I cheased, probably wrongly.

Its not right but its not a forced feeling either.

I want to hold your hand and stare in your eyes, touch your lips, gateway to your heart.

Call me please, just once. Please.

Ladyboys!

2009-11-03T10:30:00.000-08:00

Thailand is ill famous for ladyboys.

Its ingrained in the fabrics of society and I wouldnt have known that if we didnt go for the local cultural shows.

To me, it appeared vulgur. Guys dress as girls, gyrating shamelessly, suggestively to the much giggle an catcalls from guys and girls around. Saw it in performance after performance. Dont know when all these started and why it continues to mean something even today in the society.

The tour guys is one such guy who would tease guys unabshed, much to the amusment of everyone.

Havent seen it anywhere else so far.

Later, in one of the rooms, there was gambling with cards. Small bets, small losses, smaller gains. Being hedged in general, I ended up neutral.

Not rich guys, play bigger than they should, bigger than what they earn.

Things that happen is often more than what one can imagine.

A day in Laos

2009-10-30T20:05:00.000-07:00

29th Oct, Thats the day I spent in Laos.

Just one hr of bus ride from Udonthani, we went to the friendship bridge and after brief pause at the immigration, we were in Laos.

Vinetian city is inhabitated by only 600k people and I didnt see any building taller than 3 storied ones. It has the look and feel of no big urban place like Bangkok or Mumbai, it look semiurban, will lush green outdoor and large sleepy, peaceful feel to the city.

Beerlao seens to be its claim to fame and the beer bought by my Vietnamese friend was indeed nice, watery, with touch of bitter afterfeel but a relatively strong to give a high at just the 2nd can.

Its rular ecomony with a emerging mining industry. One can use Lao, Thai and Us curency at ease.

Their temples stand testimony to the havoc Siam war had on the many Budha scuptures, many stand still today, broken physically at many places. The Lao guide, very pointedly refered to the injust Siam war and what it did to his country, taking away statues of Budha, destroying all but one temple in Lao. Later, my Thai friends told me that its hard to hear what one doesnt want to hear and the Siam was first attacked by Lao and not the otherway round.

I realised one more time that there is seldom one history, there is always the two sides of any stories and mostly the actual fact remain silent, lost in justifying our past. We have this habit of owningup to everything that ourforepather committed.

Its democracy with one party. The guide informed. The country got freedom in 1975. Only symbol of frech colonian past is the Paris Tower, waiting to be plastered again for the next airport project to comeup. The last time it got plastered was with cement diverted from the airport project.

Landlocked, surrounded by Cambodia, Vietnam, Thailand.

Food not distinct from Thai food but the tastes are somewhat different, to me blander compared to thai food.

Didnt see many people on the road, muchless girls. They were pretty in the restauran we had our lunch on the bank of Mekong city.

Every year, after Buddhist lent, a fire ball can be seen coming up from the river, no one knows the science behind it.

It seems few years back, some people in white robe came to offer prayer at the bank of the river, once it was done, one man spoke up. His voice was different now. He said, he was the Naka and would live there. Since then, the fire ball seems to becomeing bit weaker everyyear.

A day, we went to few Buddhist temples, offered prayers, flowers, candles and incense to Idol of Buddha.

They asked if I was a Buddhist, I said,'no, but I believe in Him and so offer prayers to Him,'

This saturday

2009-10-24T01:26:00.000-07:00

What is a ideal saturday? Well, there can be many definitions but after a long time, we are having a great day today.

Had the fraser breakfast in the morning, palyed pool where all of us are showing great sign of improvements.

Then some tennis.

Thereafter gym and swimming.

Had noodle.

Next we will go to Bollywood Extravaganza at Siam Paragon. Possibly dinner at one of the many great restaurants.

How can we continue to live this way? Need some great investment ideas so can make millions quickly.

Praying.

Adoption.

2009-10-21T08:57:00.000-07:00

Its a ritual now to play pool with Shrihaan in the evening since we moved to Fraser Place.

We have been seeing this European couple during breakfast and evening moving around with two distinctly Asian looking kids.

Shrihaan's skate was broken since we moved from Manila since one of the screw was missing. Today we managed to get a replacement for the same and fixed it. So, we went to the tennis court for him to practice and then we went to play pool. The european guy and his boy was there playing. We got talking and he shared that he has adopted the boy five year back and now came to adopt the daughter. He is german settled in Brussle.

That got us talkiing after we came back home. We have wondered many times about adopting a girl from Philippines. We asked Shrihaan for his view and he went wild (with a laugh offcourse) when we told him that she would sleep with us and she would call me dad! He vehemently demanded to rent a boy so he can fight with him.

Later, he asked if we can adopt a white girl. Dont know what he understood when I explained why children from mostly Asia can be adopted and not whites in general.

Oftentime, we touch things on the surface and hesitate to go deep fearing to unearth things unplesant, not nice.

We wish the german couple with two thai children all the best in thier lives.

Keep the Faith

2009-10-19T19:02:00.000-07:00

This is amaging something that happened to Khun Anne, the effervecent lady who was helping us settle in the land of smiling Buddha.

Her parents were visiting her from Phuket and they have gone to a restaurant. The bill came to 836bhat and theycribbed that city food was too costly. Nextday they again went their for dinner and the bill again came to 836 Bhat.

Khun Anne told them its surprising and she should buy a lotto with that number. Her mom made fun of her and she didnt buy it.

Few days later, she was checking the lotto results and the a huge sum went to the ticket with 836!

Riches were so close to her yet didnt happen.

Lifes like that. Opprtunities come to us in many form and shape and oftentime, we miss it because we dont recognise it.

You may call it irony of fate as well.
This raise the question also why our creator is so playful with us? What is the teaching that life wants us to get from such missed opportunity when in the firstplace its so ambiguous that we dont even recognise sometimes as an opportunity!!

This however also indicate that things can improved and miracles are a moment away. This keeps everyone living life with anticipations.

Jakarta- 11-15th Oct, 09

2009-10-18T01:39:00.000-07:00

Stayed at Mulia hotel for the first time. Foreigners dont stay at Hilton or Marriot any more. Yet its so predictable and obvious that people stay at hotels like Mulia with prayers at their lips.

Indonesia is unlike any muslim countires yet that is being threatened and fanatics are working hard to take it back to stone age. Hope they dont succeed.

Zakir has allready gone for prayers for counple of times by 3pm. Asked Effendi if he was done. He said, 'Im not an muslim'

MS: Then what are you?

Ef: Im Christian

MS: Oh, really, whats the percentage of Christians here? Your name doesnt sound like that of a Christian?

Ef: It would be less than 10%. I was not born Chiristian. My parents are Buddhist, my mom is of chinese origin. I went to a Christian school and liked the teaching of Chirsts. My teacher asked me one day if I would like to get baptised and I said yes. My parents were allriht with it. Infact my mom asks me to go to Church on sunday. Good people they are, my parent'. He said is a smile.

He is 24 yr old and agrees that finding a Christian wife would be tough for him but he knows that he would marry one if she is only Chrishtian.
Thats Indonesia to me.

Titlis, a fourth year student, our translator is also Indonesia to me. With covered head and twinlking eyes, she plans to travel to Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam with nine of her friends this Dec. She earns her pocket money doing translations and plan to have little drinking party in the evening. She says her father being an artist is easy with her. She points to her friend and says that she got strict parents and giggled.

Later, I checked out her blogs and poems of hope, dream and peace.

Dewali & longing

2009-10-17T03:44:00.000-07:00

Today is Dewali. Festival of light. We worship Ma Kali who have blessed me since my childhood. My minf goes back to when I muct have been 6 or 7 year old and used to live in Baruipur with my mother and grand mother. My father used to live in Kolkata but on this occasion would come to Baruipur. There will be Kali Puja in the house of one of my grand father's friend, we used to call him Halder dadu.

We will go in the evening and the Puja will be in the late evening. In the evening, there will be brusting of fire crackers. I would observe the Puja and come back late night.

That was the ritual for Kali Puja even after I was snatched to my uncles place in Kolkata.

In Kolkata, we used to live in Sadananda Road, near Kali temple in Kalighat. So, often I would go there for a darshan and I believe I survived many tarbulence due to Her abundant blessing.

Its a pity, there seems to no Kali Puja in Bangkok where wecould go to offer our prayer. Seems Kali Ma is worshipped in small groups in Bangkok. May be we will get to know more people next year and thus would get involved in Kali Puja .

I bought a jasmine tree and a yellow rose plant yesterday from the SCB park plaza.

Bueaty peagent & noble prize

2009-10-15T08:31:00.000-07:00

No one ever doubted that beauty peagent and noble prize are there to achieve monetary and political targets, its more about messageing than what matters within the ambit of possibilities, thats been how it was so far. Till, out of the blue Barack Obama became a nobel prize winner few days back. Im sure even Barack Obama wouldnt have know even that he was nominated.

Motivation remains not so clear to the lay men. Europe is offcourse dependent on America for stability and as an antidote to the lonliness it otherwise suffers from. Its influence is Asia is next to nothing and hence the dependence on America is at the very core of their any interaction with any countires outside Europe.

Barack Obama has promised much, talk even more but havent delivered anything. If atall, the world is slightly more chaotic now, no one know the depth of fragilities of the economies and theres still not any change on how ruthless we are to the environment.

Yet, he is recognised for his work. Its an endrosement to the fact that thoughts and words can be equated to delivered promise since at our heart, we all know that inspite of may be his honest intentions, Barack Obama wouldnt achieve anything more concreat than what Bush achieved, he wouldnt be able to make the world any safer than it was when Bush presided over several wars to keep the ammunition industry in healthy shape. Presidents are but the face that are controlled by moneybags.

Being the ever optimist, I still wish him to win his battles and make the world bit better.

Stop loss

2009-10-15T08:19:00.000-07:00

Stop.Loss

The movie that took me to the inner weariness of the players life in the batlle field.

Living in Bangkok or Manila, wars in Afganistan or Iraq seems distant. Being in India, where everyone in big cities live in mortar fear of Pakistan playing deadly mischief anytime, anywhere, it doesn’t seem that distant. Met an old friends, who with a resigned smile on his face said,’ on one side monsoon is playing havoc, on the otherhand, there’s these terrorists, what do we do?’

The wars will change the soldiers forever. Survival means being able to kill the ones who come to kill them. Survival being primal basic instint, would overpower any sense of morality or values. It’s the horde mentality that rules. How does one live afterwards, knowing being responsible for killing and disrupting manylives or not being able to protect a dear friend, a mate?

Did God creat us to face this kind of tumultuous issues and comeout winners? If that be the case, then surely God has got very high expectations from her children.

Staying at Marriot last few days, I face fear everyday. I ask the one who was frisking me,’don’t you guys have gun?’ He said, ‘what for?’, then he lowered his voice and says, ‘don’t worry, we now know what to do.’ I see people with sharp looks walking around here and there, the sharpness says certain things in no uncertain terms. I pitied the guys on the main entrance doing their job in a mundane routine ways, probably knowing fully well that in case of any trouble, they are likely to be the first ones to face it. It’s the desparetion of earning a living that forcesthese people to take these risks to earn the paltry salary which is all that is there for their families to survive and dream. Hope sustains us and I hope for the best for all of them.

Terrorism is a business venture . For selling TV, we develop a winning concept. For the terrorist, the concept is dominiation of ones religion. For soaps and skin creams, people buying the concept (read TVC), pays money to buy it. For the terrorism, plople buying the concept, pays with their morality, lives. For selling soaps, we define the target consumers. Same way terrorist business venture, they define the target groups of recruits as marginalised, hopeless people whose only dream now is to get something after death.

There are plenty of business that have been killed by rival groups. The moment we acknowdge that terrorism is a business venture, it would be relatively easy to develop a long term plan to eliminate these venture. This being a strong venture, it would take time, resources to do it but it can be done. However, it takes commitment from politicians and determined arms forces to do it. However, it will also mean going beyond ones vested intest to deal with it. History tells us, its almost impossible to ask say America to sacrifice their arm industry or territorial ambitions of Russia or China.

Hence, next best option is to develop stregths to deliver vengeance swiftly if one dare to have evil throughts in a particular land. Again, that would mean determination and strong will that a country like India lacks completely.

Only Isreal has shown it in recent history. But people is Isreal still are peaceless in a place they call home.

Allmost a month in Bangkok- post 1

2009-09-24T09:01:00.000-07:00

We move to Bangkok about a month back on 30th Sept. We came with very mixed feelings since we had fallen in love with Manila with all thats there.

Shrihaan gave a the first high in here. We went to Bangkok Patana School and he had to take a test. We were bit worried since he was mostly out of touch first being busy with his seventh birthday and later with many farewell parties!! I was specially apprehensive since I was feeling miserable that I had to uproot him from a very well settled life with many friends, many activities and comfort.

Someone from office came and took him for the test with a teacher. After about a hour, the tacher came back with a smile and said he did very well. We were so happy and we knew he will get his first mobile soon. He bought that yesterday from Central World at Chilom, close to where we are staying at Capehouse and still close to where we will be staying at Fraser place.

We felt very bad looking at the painful trasition he is still going though. He loved his school in Manila and loves nothing about the new place. Yet time heals and his dislike is slowly getting tempered with bits and pieces of liking. We really hope that he falls in love with this school too. We worried a lot if our choice of the school was right. The teaching material he gets at home however tells us that he would probably get far better education here than what he would have got in Manila. Besides, he doesnt have to go to Kumon here.

I got busy with loads of work and Dona and Shrihaan are allmost on there on to explore and settle in this new place. It helps that Lumpini park is close by where we found Isckon Devoutees chating and many iguana's moving from lake to pond and around.

We here birds chirping here. We didnt see too many birds in Manila, dont know why though.

Meanwhile I got good company from a vietnamese and another Thia friend. Friends are what makes it a home in a new city I guess.

Its a big challenge for us not to put on weight here. We love the food and the shear varieties.

We however cannt help compareing everything with Manila and hence when we went to a beach, in my mind I said this is nothing compared to the whitesand beaches in Manila, as if we were really from there.

Dona had her birthday on 18th, Dinner at Cafe Nine was bueatiful.

Anything new I eat yet? Yes, blood clotted into a cake and cooked in a green curry sauce. For the first time only I guess.

Gritting my teeth, I live now. A test on perseverance, hope, prayer and faith.

My Birthday

2009-06-22T22:51:00.000-07:00

Today is my birthday.

Dona and Gulu got gifts and made special. Gulu played the guiter when signing Happy Birthday today morning.

Few people called and wished, some sent mails.

Standing on the crossroad, I remain focused and pensive.

Still searchinf for clarity.

I have learned to control anxiety and remain peaceful.

I just foundout that my heart might be four year yonger than my age, some apparent good news.

Tonight, we will go out for a movie.

Notes to myself

2009-06-13T22:39:00.000-07:00

Every minutes on this life is an act of faith. Yet, we chase everything with the endureing hope for security and certainty.

Life often nulls us into beliving in certainty and security.

We dont have this in our lives now. Dona, Shenna and myself are numbed with a look at future we dont know for sure.

Im struggling to cling to the job we have.

We came to Manila as expat and got a great lives. We knew that this couldnt be the live forever but prayed for its continuation.

Three years, we had that life.

Its allmost certain that we will enter into a difficult phase of our lives soon, may be in two three months. We still hope that the pall of gloom and uncertainty will disappear soon like a nightmare and we will return to my job back in India. We pray for it.

We maynt be able to go back to india to the job I left there. In which case, we might find a job in bangkok.

We hope that compnay pays atleast for the house and school. In that case, we will only miss the good savings we were making last three years. Still, we look forward to it. Bangkok is the land of Buddha and we wish to meditate and find solace, peace and happiness there.

We remain very worried thinking about longterm education for Shenna. We pray to ShriKrishna and with his grace, everything should turn out allright. We pray to MaKali for the same as well.

Another scenario is living as foreigner in Bangkok with a local salary. With this scenario in mind, we are trying to figure out how life could be there. Search for bangkok, one will find plethora of info on nighlifes but hardly anything can be found on lives of common people there.

Trying to get a hand of cost of living there. Thus far, it seems like this:

Rent - 2000o Bath/month for a condo of 600-900 sq ft in a good locality
Food/groceries - 15000 Bath/month
Travel - 5000 Bath/month
Nighout - 4000 Bath/month

Hence, we should be able to get by with 50k Bath/Month with one or two holidays thrown in every 3-4months. Yearly, thus we should spend 600k Bath for our sustainance.

School: 300000 Bath/yr.

So, we are looking at 900k /yr for our lives there. Not sure what will be my salary there, but should be able to manage with not much savings.

Praying for lives to brightenup again.

To Dy GM Sir

2009-05-25T22:20:00.000-07:00

The experience of past few days, the tears at ISKON temple, the unexpected thoughtfulness of my chinese boss, the ensensitivity of our Indian HR, all made me relook at my life and one bqad relation I have is with my bother. I wanted to reconnect again, not too sure what I expect out of it. So I wrote to him today. Not sure if he will respond or if at all he will give it a thought, will know if few days when I talk to my Ma.

To Dy GM Sir

Hello Sir, Hope all is well at your end.....

onelife to live, it is not worth having the rag as pet, raag pushey ki ba luv! Everything is worth trying a second or third time....share blood, share experience, shared pain, shared laughter...all these makes life a bit better.

Please dont bother responding if you dont have a olive branch or atleast a white hanky....o:)

And please dont see any motives behind this mail, theres none except to have a try to have a good relation in the family, we dont have much of that.

And in case you wonder who gave me your email id, dont worry too much, I just googled you.

As years passes and one ages, new insights emerge and lot we do can be linked to experience in our growing up years.

I apologies for all the wrong I have done, sincerely. One makes mistakes, one learns, one suffers as payment.

Cheers From Manila

PS: 28/5/09.

No, I didnt get any response. Frozen heart, unbending. Atleast I tried.

Cost of living in Manila

2009-05-25T08:51:00.000-07:00

I do this as a tribute to Manila which is our home for last three years allmost. Manila is the city where our three year old todder slowly becoming the boy that he is now. Salcedo village in Manila is the island where we have extremely nice Indian friends and community that we didnt have evn in India. Community sans the bitter struggle.

If we doesnt have care for money then its pointless to talk of money. Hence, I would just mention my sense of what someone concience of money would like to spend to live a good life.

Salcedo village is the place to stay. An office area, yet have all the trappings of a perfectly peaceful residential area. These are condo's Im talking about. 1BR rent would be 20k-35k Peso where 2BRK can be have at 50-65k.

St Augustine school in Dasmarina's village is recommened, extremely good quality of education at 75k Peso/yr.

Since we do grocery and vegetables ar SM mall and other malls in Makati area, we spend 3-
3.5kPeso every week. If one is willing to go to wet market, this can comedown somewhat.

A decent meal would cost 100-150Peso at KFC, Mc Donalds. Other restaurant, it would be 200-600peso. Varieties galore.

A just massage would cost 300-1000Peso.

One hour badminton course rental is 75Peso.

bad haircut would be 75Peso, good haitcut would be 180-500Peso.

Medicines are very very expensive. One can ask friends back in India to buy the medicines of themselves, we do.

Electricity is costly, easily 5k/month. Water would cost 1k Peso. maid would cost 5k Peso - all in per month basis.

A decent living would cost around 75k.

More questions? Just drop a mail please.

Hand of fate

2009-05-25T08:40:00.000-07:00

Three years back
fate conspired
too many complications
took us a far away island.

Beatiful life there, friends
travel to white sand beaches
exploring the deep sea secret
Time flew fast.

The plan back then
was well throught out
There were assumptions
which changed while away in the island.

Plans are but transient
we are the children of fate
destiny decides for us
unknown to us, dripped in faith.

The place we felt behind
called us back with a smile
tempted, we wanted to respond
only to be betrayed.

Seed of hope is in hopelessness
faith and devine interventions
bitter cries in temple
washed away touches of guilt.

So called friends advised
hiding their glee
suboptimal suggestions
they would never follow.

A choice emerged
out of the heartfelt prayer
faith that turns tide
live to live another day.

She

2009-05-24T09:45:00.000-07:00

She is no gypsy girl
to take me twril around
On a moonsoon afternoon
she would rather not promise
zillion of possibilities.

She is the mother to my son
His rock, my rock
Solid like words cannt capture
committed, hopeful, strenth giving.

She wouldnt question like burning ember
If I havent measured up
like a decision taken is not be questioned
ever again, to expose the wounds of doubt
unkept, unrealised promises.

If it makes me happy
liberty is mine to experience
not to be spyed
like slithering snail lost
in transit in the woods.

Vain, is my weakness
to look for addiction
in lanes narrow and serpentine
the bliss is at home
overlooked, taken for granted
value in something sin.

Heart quivering, future
untold, not guaranteed
steely resolve, backbone straightened
hope in heart, we walk
to the dawn.

You dont do it

2009-05-21T16:21:00.000-07:00

One of my person, Reginee is resigning. Previously she had a boss with whom she didnt gel and hence she wasnt going anywhere. Having seen her work, we moved her about two yearrs back to our group. she flourished with all the opportunities givem to her. She beack the envy and aspiration for other in my team.

Now she is leaving and is giving a months notice following the company policy. She was doing a critical role and its known recruitment in Manila will take at least two month. Have requested her before for making sure that she has some overlap with her replacement. But she didnt take heed.

Will we not manage? We will. Will we stuggle, yes somewhat.

As a trusted professional, you dont do it. You ensure that the transition is smooth and the things you helped develop and build is still taken careoff.

She is moving to Dubai. She will need a job there and we have our offcie there. Will I try for a job for her. I might. Will I do it from my heart?
What do you think?

Outreach programme for Charater building

2009-05-13T21:27:00.000-07:00

We have a quaterly outreach programme run by our company and I try to go for it every alternate ones.

Yesterday, we went to build homes for underprivillaged families in the innerpart of Manila. Our group was assigned to make the floor which involved:

1. Mixing the sand, cement, the stone chips

2. Mixing all these with water

3. Make the floor

I started with lot of enthusiam and soon found myself panting. I like allmost everyone else, took frequent breaks, had chilled water. I even had a short spell inside the airconditioned bus before resumeing again.

We could finish the assigned task only because we had couple of regular mason helping us out.

My mind went back to the time when we were making our house long ago and used to crib about how slow the guys were working and how tghey deliberately progressed slowly to milk us out of our money.

Thus, yesterday experience was humbling. I realised how difficult the work is, everyday, under the sun wholeday with meagre payments and a future which doesnt look any brighter.

I felt so fortunate having a different professional work in an office environment. I simply felt blessed.

We need to thus do regular community service since it provide enormous self satisfaction for whatever little we do selflessly and not only that it make us realise different lives people live and be less judgemental having some insights from the work we do albeit for a short while. It makes the world a little better place to live.

It must be part of every society to have mandatory community services.

Building confidence in Children

2009-05-11T02:24:00.000-07:00

Shenna will turn seven this august. He is eagerly looking forward to it and planning for the gifts he wants.

We adore him. He is soft, careing, smart, does his Kumon, great in drawing, have varied interests, ask many questions, makes friends easily. Very playful, very lovable. Loves pulling Dona's leg and partners with me in that.

Yesterday, on Mother's day, he promised Dona three pans, large, medium and small. Also, she was offered a steamer as alternative!

But often we feel worried. When he was young, he used to just follow other kids. If they jumped, he would also jump and we could not see him lead, be him own person.

We were blessed with a marvelous teacher, Ms. Nat last year in his ECLC. We discussed it with her and this has stopped by the end of the year.

However, we dont see the urge to play for the ball, chasing it, grabbing it, goign for it, be it in soccer or basketball. He loves to play but mostly we find him busy chatting or being pedestrians. Linked to this, we find him wanting to win in the field like any kids his age would do or the way I was when I was his age.

He is very careful and I think scared to play tough. We are now thinking very actively how to help him develop the passion and thrust for winning in the field so that he can enjoy all the games and develop as a well rounded personality in his life.

We have see he does wonderful stuff if he tries. However, the trying doesnt come naturally to him. Left to himself, he would just do whatever he feel like and then get busy with cartoons, games, friends. However, if we can convince him then we have seen he can go ahead and perform.

We have to develop a plan to help him become a tougher guy.

ISKON, MANILA

2009-05-05T02:58:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday was a extremely happy day for us. We went to the ISKON temple in Manila for the first time. We have always wanted to go there since we arrived in Manila but didnt know the exact location. It turned out to be close to where we stay in Makati.

From outside, its a small temple inside a house and doesnt have the pomp and majestic aura of ISKON temple of Mumbai or Bangalore. But as we enter and went infront of ShriRadhaKrishna, we were transported to another world and it was such a fantastic experience. Felt very athome in Manila there.

Seems there is also a small ISKON temple in Laguna and Cebu, someday hope to go there.

Felt bit bad for the young Monk from Brindabhan who said with a smile that he is suffocating! Understandable since Manila is very different from Brindabhan without the many temples and his fellow devoutees.

We felt glad also to know that theres plan to have a proper temple in Manila in about five years time.

Donations are wellcome.

Heartache in Manila

2009-05-02T05:59:00.000-07:00

Living in a foreign country is fun only when one makes becomes a part of a circle of people of similar interests and leaning.

Making friends and loosing them becomes a part of life when we live in a foreign city we learn to call home for sometimes.

One cannt be too tough in deciding whom to be friends with anymore.

We become close for reasons like having children of similar age, having likeing for movies or travel. Its really a search for a single common thread that can bind us together rather than that search for something beggier, more meaningful and lasting.

a common mistake some people make given that these relations are allmost invariably not lasting and ends with a move from the city is that they forget to honour it with essential human dignity like courtsey, makeing sure the gift being given is worthwhile.

Thus, some one makes a comment like give whatever suits your budget, she is anyway going, how does it matter if she like it or not. Thats about giving a farewell gift.

Thus we also hear take whatever you want to a potluck party, how does it matter what people thinks, anyways, who is going be your friends for the life.

These are fatal mistakes.

No one know the future and all we have is this moment to live and find glory in our act of living. a moment wasted is thus very costly. The impressions we make , the joys we give, the lives we touch even for shortwhile all goes on the enrich the world, however in their small ways it may be.

We give what we get. If we give miserly to others, they will also give miserly, thus creating a chain. So, give in abundance to enrich our earth.

A month or so back one family with whom we have spent lot of times, left manila to go back to Kolkata. Our son was friends with their son and used to call him potty master since whenever we have gone out for lunch or dinner, he would need to go for potty!

They were hugh mouthed people, A & B. whatever, they talk would be costly and demonstrate or hint at their oppulance. They would ask for favours without any shame. They would also take care of us when we go to their home. They will always provide something to talk behind their back and fodder for snigger and gossip. Yet, they belonged. We hated them and loved them, happy that they are gone and sad that they are gone.

Such is life as expats.