Never Felt

so tormented for a long long time. Unable to decide what I should be doing. Seems like standing in a crossroad and once one road is taken, it would also mean that all other posibilities wouldnt be ever realised. Issue is that not atall clear on what are the possibility we are talking about and more importantly the probablity of these possibilities turning into reality.

Today was suppossed to be the day when I had to decide but itseems can take another few days to make the decision.

One would give moring certainty, the other option would be to reconcile to interesting yet uncertaintime.

Being the ever gambler, finding it difficult to go for the option of boring certainty which however could be right for the life stage Im in but then we live only once and mind doesnt agree readily to it.

A general sense of hopelessness and feeling of being struck also pervades the soul which is increasingly feeling numb. Yet it is something which I cannt succumb to and trying to come out of the blues. Selfmotivation, hope and faith never felt more important.

I had one such year in my life years ago when I could think of doom and if I did and it turned out to be true, then I mightnt be here ruminating about it now. I somehow didnt feel that failure was a possibility and everything turned out much better than what I could have imagined. I need to do the same thing now.

Its easier said than done.

But I need to do that at anycost.