Bangkok-25th May-2nd June

After about two months of being away from Dons and Shennu who were staying in Bangkok, I boarded the early morning flight from Mumbai on 25th may. The autoricksaw ride from our place in Mumbai to airport was uneventful though the hot and humid polluted air didn't allow my mind to feel that I was going to our beloved Bangkok. I realised in the evening before going to the airport that the Indian custom authorities has stamped a page indicating that I have moved residence and hence I was not sure of the status of the multiple visa I had from Thailand. I was first tensed to meet the India immigration and then prayed through the journey and heaved a sign of relief when the Thailand custom lady stamped by page and returned my passport. Dons and Shennu were late in coming and he ran towards me moment he saw me. What a thrilling pleasure to meet then after two months.

The known Bangkok road, the taxies made my feel the sadness of having to move residence from Bangkok to Mumbai allover again.

Played all the games Shennu had planned, all indoor and I enjoyed it as bonding time with my son.

The train rde to Sphan Thaksin, the boat ride to Asiatic made me feel sad again. The place, the people, the ambiance all are there, yet soon we will be far away wouldnt be able to go there whenever we wanted. We had the Mochi Icecream, the thai food in the Vietnamese restaurant.

And today, Shrihaan had his graduation party at Hyatt Erawin. We took him there in the morning and then prayed in the Erawin temple, prayed for our good heath, good fortune and so we can live in Bangkok again.

Yellow curry rise, the chicken stake from pier 21 in Terminal 21 was delicious. Its some feeling to experience some of these what we took for granted for three years and now know that its not certain but we are hopeful to gt a chance to experience all these all our life again.

We value every moment here.

Polenchit Fair - 2012

We love Polenchit fair - a day of endless beer, fish & chips, lovely live bands, as much as you wish raffles. It started as get together for the British community and the tradition continue even today, eith enough life force to be sure that it will be there for many years to come. So we went to Shrihaan's school, Bangkok Patana Schol where it was being held like last year. We though miss the fair that used to be held in Shrewsbury School, on the bank of Chaopraya River. The atmoshphere there used to be magical and it was pur bliss to have food, beer while listening to the bands, just to stare lazily at the river, over which the sun would set, languidly.

lasy year in the raffle, Dona got one of her wishes fulfilled. So she and Shrihaan did about 20 egg pick up at the same place this time and still didt get the LCD or iPOD they were eyeing and ended up getting lot of Nestle products. We got our drinks supply for next couple of months now!!

This year, we stategised and pickup  egd from one of the corner and got one night free stay at Royal Varuna Yatch club(http://www.varuna.org/) and free hald day sailing training! This was picked uyp by Shrihaan. So we are super excited to plan our visit their. We loved it for its uniqueness and the fact that in normal course, we wouldnt have the experience. We got to plan the holiday there.

Rain played the spoilt sport and by six in the evening, everybody started to wrap up. We couldnt enjoy the lazy evening this time. We hope we will be here in BAngkok next year to enjoy the fair.

So, it seems we will have few busy months ahead. We are just back from KL-Genting-Langkawi, we have booked out new year stay at Koh Samui, we plan to go to Cambodia in December and now we will be at Royal Varuna yacth club, may be in January, 2013.

Limbo

Lifes in a Limbo.

We are paying the price of living for three years in a serviced apartment by having hardly any friends for Shennu to play with. The fact is when we came, we came for two year and didnt expect to stay longer. Now we have completed three years and likely will stay another six month or so and it breaks our heart with guilt that we have deprived him so much. This place had its advantage mainly from monetary pov which made us decide on this and we didnt have any experience on how limitting a stay here can be. Coming in a short assignment which went on for some more time, we didnt feel the need for a car in Bangkok but it also costed us a lot interms of mobility and knowing the place. Bad decisions which cannt be reversed, such is life.

Shennu got very good feedback in his last class but again Im getting concerned about his writing, his abilities to relate maths to everyday occurances and got very mad at him yesterday. Dona rightly later pointed out how we were at his age and that made me see the things in a different perspective. I guess it is the fear of the unknown and a desire for him to have a beuatiful future is what drives me to drive him which maynt be always right since it rob him of his present sometimes. The fact that we dont have a safety net of friends and relatives to fall back on doesnt help either.

We wanted Robinhood and Shihaan and we know he liked it when now a days we see him play with his old shords and in role plays, he becomes Robin now a days.

We feel so sad that Lucas moved to Singapore and Philip moved to Hungary, they were two of the Shrihaan's closest friends.

We went to the year six induction discussion at his school. What stuck us were  1. most of the parents were much older than us 2. half of them were from local and the other half was whites 3. three old whitemen came with their much yonger oriental wives 4. one mom didnt know that the school 4. Three of the vocal mom's concentrated on why they shouldnt be allowed on facebook and not any queries on the curriculum!

The game of Ludo is our things for bonding now a days and when schools werent there, we sometimes played till 1.30am. These are the memories which creats zeal to live.

We might go back to India and rapidly deteriorating conditions in India worries us a lot. The political system is becoming currupt day by day, there is no sense of shame and sin in social lives anymore, infrastrcuture is crumbling, roads are congested, dirt and decays stares at everyday life everyday, every minute. Shennu is sad and allmost in tears whenever we talk of Mumbai theseday. We hope even if we have to go, we will get a chance to comeout again. It doesnt go with our desire to give hin stability but stability at the cost of stagnation and bad quality of life is not something we seem to be able to settle for.

English in Thaliad is a good business. We saw yesterday, aadvert, 'Welcome to the land of seemingly endless opportunities, Thaliand'!

Not been blogging much which is solely due to the mental fatigue. We know though that we shall overcome this phase a good times will come to us again soon.

Decisions

Standing at another cross roads with not so much apparent choices, got to ponder what are the most important things for which got to make solid compromises

Money & Wealth

Quality of life

His education, school & type education

Better future

Dream

Stability

Security

Self Respect

Short term vs long term

Future is unknown yet what combination of these would provide a better and more secure future is something that is consuming every living moment of the day. Few months left to decide to decide on a set of few from the above and then rest of the life to ponder if ther other conditions and the road to travel could have been more enriching, that is something that wouldnt be known ever.

What is to be done?

Another Songkran

What is Holy week in PH, Tet in VN, Ramadin in Indo and Dewali in India, Songkran is in Thailand. Just occured to me that these high light of the year in different places are associated with different history and not necessarilly always got a religious meaning.

Its new year in Thailand. Also the on set of summer, also onset of harvest sesson (though now year round harvesting would be the norm in all most all places). Its time when everyone working in cities would go to their homes in provinces to spend time with family, pay homages to the elders no more and generally rejuvenate for days to come.

India got Holi which is akin to water festival, only difference is that it is played with coloured water. Yet, I havent heard that is any hit with the tourists. It is becaused like anything else there, it is not regulated and given the level of education and deprivations, it is also associated with dangerous colours and general lawlessness. In Thailand it is played with water and sometimes clay which as got purification benefits, it has remained pure and serene. Some people will play with chilled water yet it is more of fun than anything else. Last year, we took a tuktuk to go around and people three thilled water in it. It was not much fun for Shrihaan since the chilled water really bite specially when the Tuktuk moves at great speed thus allowing the gushing air to shear the soul.

Its allmost 10 days holidays. Hardly anything will get done at work. Schools are closed for two weeks. Hordes of people will visit Thailand to participate in the water festival. Shrihaan has got three water guns from last year still he tries to buy on in the mall. Cannt blame him when there are so many on sale with their different features in multicolour.

This will be our third Songkran. We played in front of Fraser, went to Silom (crushing crowd) and Khao San road (nice with beer and water everywhere) road last couple of years.

We hope to spend many more Songkran in Thailand.

Term 2, Year 5

Term 2 just got over. Now Shrihaan will have a great of couple of weeks after which the last term will commense. We continue to worry that he doesnt get to play with friends at home since we are stay in a seviced apartment. We try to keep him the happy child that he is and he seems to be handling it just fine. We hope so.

We had heard a lot about his current class teacher that he changes his students lives. We were hoping to see those changes in Shrihaan. He seems to be picking up lot of informations and knowledge but the systhesis of these that can turn into an edge is still to see in him. He still is a child who isnt serious about anything, except parhaps premier league in UK. He would be happiest if we could live in UK where he would have gone to cheer his beloved Chelsea and Man City for their every game. He seems to be in the second highest group in reading, literature and maths and we hoped that he would move to the highest level as the year progressed. it didnt happen yet. We feel he is bit lazy and is not yet putting the little extra that can propell him from good to excellent.

Dona has been cajolling him for long to take up music lesson but he wasnt interested. All of a sudden for last several months, he seemed to have taken huge interest in music and we find him humming all the time. He is also  now a good self taught dancer, albeit in the confines of out rooms. He is quite fond of taking down hin pants and do a little wriggle dance!

He is also a facebook addict. He is a tease who makes Dona angry for nothing quite often. He is now geared up to play Songkran but not keen to go to Khao San road.

He has allready seen the Fraser Place in HongKong where we will stay when we visit HongKong in the middle of this month.

Love life, live life with prayers.

Tough times

Didnt feel any urge for posting for a long time. 2010 was bad, lost memories of mother. 2011 will remain as the year was promised so much and nothing was kept. So, was looking ahead to haveing a peaceful and meaningful 2012 which will yield some solid direction to the future.

Yes, 2012 is turning out to be a year where our resilience and perseverance will be tested to no small measures. Dona fell ill and had to go to Kolkata for treatment for about 10 days. We went through breaking days and only with prayer we cam through this period. Shrihaan had school and we stayed back in Bangkok. I decided to work from home to take care of him. It gave a good understanding what Dona does everyday for him and its quite clear that nothing is as simple and effortless as it seems. I also took him to Siam discovery park and it was so amusing that he was trying to scare me realising that I wasnt very comfortable with some of the rides. A son is a true friend. I have prayed a lot those days and it sustained us.

We also had a small flying visit to Shirdi Saibaba. He had told once to one of his deciple that if he wishes, then  his devoutee will be drawn to Shidi as simply as a fly can be pulled with a string. So true. We went there just for a day and it was so fulfilling. We felt his touches all the way. A friend unexpectedly arranged for the car at a well negotiated price and we got a shorter line due to our current status.

Now her mom had a fall and she is bed ridden. We are again praying for her to get well soon. She is Dona's rock and she talks to her everyday. We send some money for her. We think of her all the time.

Her brother seems to be having an affair with a cousin who is more than half his age. He denies it. We read signs that there could be something. He was away working in Madras while his wife was in Delhi. Their cousin also got a job in Madras and went to stay there in a hostle. She is bold, drinks, smokes, fun and will say bold things. He is fun loving, equally adapt at the ways of the world. Things might have worked out their dreams. If I was 17, I will judge and stamp them as immoral. At my age now with so much of experience, I seem to believe that things happen and one shouldnt judge. One should live with the faith, hope and goodness in heart and try do good as such as possible. We arent here to judge and give rulling to others for we dont know why people do what they do.

The promotion still eludes me. I still dont know when we will ger stability. We continue to be torn with thoughts of what we should do. I now believe that we have to trust something, either destiny, karma, fate, God, something. I believe in His guidance and live with prayers and hopes.

In a sea of people, why one feels so lonely!

1st Jan, 2012

We heralded 2012 in Central Wolrd among thousands. I hugged Shrihaan and Dona and it was probably one of the most busy new year even for Betty who is visiting us from Denmark. At 77 with lights on her head, seemed she had a good time.

This will be a very significant year for us. We pray for the things close to our hearts.

We pray for the world too which is increasingly appearing in disarrey with little ideas anywhere on how to get everything back in control.

There were bad dictators and may be people in those countries were suffering but they also guaranteed larger world peace. Now that many of them are gone, the future look increasing uncertain. On second thought if could be better if it only looked uncertain, it actually appear unsettling, the prospects of having religious fanatics with abmitions of living lifes of mediaval ethos doesnt pose a threat to modern world. Hope, some sane leader will emerge in those places though we dont know if and how it could happen.

Economy will see more turmoil in 2012. Austerity and prudent money management is not something most governments and banks are used to any more. Unless the mindset of industries changes, unless humans learn to control greed, this kind of wobbly journey will continue. The smarter humans are those with a nomadic gene in their system who can stop opprtunities and gear towards those opportunities and stabilities.

3 will happen this year.

Hongkong & Cambodia will happen this year.

Health will happen this year.

Progress in education will happen this year.

Car will happen this year.

Friends will happen this year.

Peace will happen this year.

Last weeks

The year is allmost over. Been more of a sedate year after the tumultous 2010 for us, it was a year of healing and regaining some semblance of normalcy and acceptance for what now cannt be changed anymore.

Its a good time to take stock of the days of 2011 gone by.

We have travelled some - Jomtina, Phuket, Koh Chang, HCMC, Hanoi and Halong bay, Kolkata were the places we have been blessed to spend somedays there.

Kolkata is our home and we came back from there with illness which is stillnt cured fully and keep us worried.
Dona's health is a concern.

We were to go back to India but thinking of future, we felt compelled to continue for one more year. Trust it has been a good decision.

We saw a step jump in the level in lessions in his class. The expectations are quite high. We also were pleasantly surprised to have got a note from his class teacher mentioning that he was very happy with his performance. He needed to study more though.

We continue to feel that we should make more friends. Given where we have schoosen to live, it is difficult to meet people. May be we will move to more residential areas next year.

Not much movement in wealth creation. Couldnt focus much on this.

Have lot to be proud of achievements in workfront. Yet, no idea when will achieve the ambition.

Didnt learn anything significantly new this year.

Bangkok Call a Taxi

We had great time with our Honda civic Hundai Tuscan in Manila. We didnt go for a car in Bangkok since for long term wasnt certain and one can go around the city at ease without having a car. However, given how our societies are, as we get into some groups, we feel hanidcapped not having a car and hence I will have to get a driving license soon.

Yesterday we had the Bijoya celebration which was suppossed to go late in night and we werent certain  of getting a taxi back. We used to have a taxi driver who would wait for us but he has been getting more demanding by the day and so he wasnt an option.

Few calls here and there and we discovered the call a cab service. We called 1661 and to our surprise the guy could speak in average English and soon we book a taxi. They would charge just 20bhta extra which is nothing when we are asking the taxi to come late in night.

They called back to confirm and at the appointed time, to our much relief, the taxi did come. It was hassle free and a pleasant and comfortable ride.

Great servise at hardly any extra cost.

A Chinese girl

In the morning, we travelled together. She talked nonstop with her mix thia friend and appeared every bit the haughty, high achiving young lady with tons of attitude. We got introduced and exchanged few polite words, words that leaves no trace in the mind.

We met again in the evening and travelling in Bangkok traffic for more than an hour.

She was very friendly and chatty. She was no big city girl. She hails from a small town near Goungzue and have a boyfrind doing his PhD in USA. They meet every six months. She wants to move in with him but she doesnt like to go to USA. She would prefer to live in Signapore where she works. But she said, in life, one got to do things when there is no choice. In the evening light, she appeared forlorn and melancholic when she said,'it must be difficult to have children, its huge responsibilities'. She appeared tired and worried, her worries revolved around some things on job she needed to accomplish within given timelines which seems difficult. She lived in BEjing for six years and miss lot of friends had there. She wants to go back there, only doesnt know how and when. Her parents would be visiting her soon and her mom, she said, with a sweet smile, is getting her lots of ginger. Her mom would be cooking for her and didnt know what to get, so getting gingers. Her father pushing her to get married. She feels he is getting old and retire soon, so must be wanting her to get married to have grandchildren to play with him to keep him busy. Many of her friends getting married too now a days. She said she grew up lonely being single child but also felt it could be better to have a single child and do the best for him or her. She wants to go back to China and said amaging things are happening there. Average people are becoming rage.

She felt it is diffcult to get married for girls sometimes in China now. If a girl is 20, she wants someone of 30, if she is 30, she wants someone in his 40s but a guy, no matter whats is age, always want a girl of 20. Seems guys everywhere are same!

She would sometimes make eye contact and smile and say, China got lot of problems which arent allowed to be published. There are stories of corruption and someday soon, the control could be gone. She also wondered if Jasmine revolution would reach the shore of China.

She was slim and well dressed.

In a matter of few hours, she appeared every inch the small city girl that she was.

Durga Puja-2011, Bangkok

Growing up in Baruipur and later in Kolkata, Durga Puja is an integral part of our lives. This is the time when we miss Kolkata more than ever. passage of time away from her failed to diminish the nostalgia and pull in the heart to visit and be part of this festival. Now being away, we try to stay connected online http://www.durgapujaonline.com/.

What we do we miss? We miss the shoppi g for the new cloths, everyone discussing with everyone else what would be the plan for the Puja, the joblessness, school holidays, getting up early, having foods galore, visiting the Puja pandals in the evening, looking at all the dressed up chics in all localities, easy atmosphere everywhere. Those were the days when we were young and didnt have to worry about anything. That probably sums up the reason for nostalgia.

Today we will go to Mohana, Dev Mandir (Seo Ciang Chao, Sriripongs Road, in Khao San road) where a small community Puja is held. Since last two years, we have gone to only Bharti's Puja in Silom.

Today is Panchami. NExt five days would be magical. In Bangkok, it is not in the air but very much in our hearts.

We went to Dev Mandir and they had a evening program. There will be programs everyday. Met Rajib who is here in Bangkok for the last five year and now plannig to go to USA to ensure studies of his 15year old son.We wanted to stay longer but Shennu wanted to come back home. We missed the dinner there and made do at home with cup noddles.

Dona appears sad. She must be missing the Parijat Puja. Hope we can be there next year.

A hole in Internet

Shennu had to do a homework on making charts and graphs of the temperatures of the planets. He and his Mama spent more than six hours on the net, researching and finding the these on the net. At 11pm, mother and son appeared distinctly demotivated and frustrated. They had come accorss these data at different sites, some of which would be different or didnt make sense. Inspite of their best efforts, they still couldnt find the maximum and minimum temperature of the venus.

This was very surprising and may be it is a stark indicator of how it is in the cuber world. There are tons and tons of data and informations on anything and everything but there is no way to verify the autheticity of these and one must exercise caution and judgement before trusting any of these.

One should be responsible to have the ability to put anything on net. But that safety net is mssing and we should have this in place as soon as possible.

This is the danger and peril of internet. 

English FM in Bangkok

Since past two years, we couldnt get the English FM. We have been used to FM in Mumbai and Manila and it left a gaping hole in our living experience. We didnt enjoy the Thai FM but not knowing the language use to be a barrier. One would have thought that it would be rampant given the number of foreigners but Thailand seem to get her tourists effortlessly. May be the things it ply just needs word of mouth advertisements, we need not discuss it here what doesnt products need no advertisements.

No longer. Our move to Fraser 2201 helped us get the English FM and it was set in the system as entered. It is FM 95 and its on wholeday.

Anyone not used to living in Thailand wouldnt understand the pleasure of such small joys. Its in our nature not to value things we get regularly and tend to take things for granted and only crave for things not given freely. That tells us that the best strategy for de-addiction is to make things free. How often we revel in the sunshine in tropical countries or seat beside the lake and enjoy the sense of breadthing?

Moving Apartment

I have lived for long in Baruipur where I was born and also in Kolkata where I was raised, its an aside that Im not entirely sure if I was raised or I just grew up there. Then I moved to IISC, Bangalore from whence it became a pattern that I have been shifting apartments atleast every 2-3 years. After IISC, I stayed in Old Madras Road and then moved to Golf Manor which has tiltled since then I hear. Then I moved to Mumbai where stayed few years at Agraysar but in two apartments, then in Anusandhan and then we moved our own place in RNA Heights, all in Andheri(E). Soon, we moved to Manila where we stayed for sometimes in a serviced apartment, then moved to Regency in Salcedo Village and there stayed in two apartments in 3 years. We then moved to Bangkok, stayed for sometimes in Cape House. We took up long term lease in Freaser place and after 2 years, we are extending by another year but moving to anaother apartment. It always involve huge stress and physical effort when we have to move and have to live in chaose for atleast 10 days. Yet, most of the time the decision for us to move was ours. The reason was also mostly our quest for a better place, better view, more sysmetric apartment etc. We have these so the brokers have a steady income?

These indeed gave us good understanding of the rental property market and sometimes we did think of leavaging these understandings to genrate additional income. Sadly like anything else in life, property market is very dynamic and more volatile then most of the things and hence our knowledge obtained few years back doesnt really have much currency in the market.

We do believe the apartments are living entities and it does have impact of our lifes. 6A Agraysar was kindest to us where we lived in contentment with our son whose was a toddler then.

Today, we are in the process of moving to 2201 Fraser place with prayers in our heart. We are in a very difficult situation now and we do hope we will have better days, more positive days, days of abundance and security there. We also do pray that we can continue staying there for a long time. 

803, Fraser Place, Lungsuan Road

This is apartment that we called home for two years now and in another few days we will move to a smaller, yet more symetric 2201. We moved to it on 25th Sept, 2009 after nearly a month at Cape house. It was Khun Ann, whom we since miss, for she seemed to have left for Phuket without leaving anything to reach her, who made the nice deal for us.

Being in Ponderous mood, thought of taking stock of all that has happened while we have lived at apartment 803.

There are much gloom. I lost my mother, something I would forever find it difficult to comprehend or even share beyound the confine of my seared soul. I will always have tearful prayers that her soul find peace.

Dona's mom's health continue to deteriorate in distant Kolkata. A feisty lady but age is catching up with her. It doesnt help her that the current of life could have more flow around her.

I was promised a expat package and that promise was not kept, put us back in the turbulent swirl of the unknown and uncertain days in near future.

We didnt get to make the circle we had in Manila and it took its toll on our well being.

Felt some weariness in the bone. Wonder if it is age or the circumtances.

The world is changing rapidly and unfortunatly now there is much more gloom and chaos than previous many deacdes.

Progress is not defined by advancements in technolgies but it is in the mind of people and human race is certainly regressing. The animals in us is very much alive and more alive now.

It was okey monetarily but not to anywhere what we achieved in Manila.

Its not all gloom.

Have learnt bit more that life is all about living today and valuing what is there now. It is also about finding contentment and doing the best that can be done with the cards dealt with.

Professionally, I seem to have found my calling and have matured like never before,. I have achieved much that has given be lot of pride, satifaction and confidence that is there. I have touched several peoples lives and two of them have matured so much that it would stay with them forever.

Shrihaan too has bloomed. He is  polite, more confident and a keen football player now. His awareness of the world continues to grow. He surprised me that he knows the meaning of levitation that he claimed to have picked up watching a cartoon.

We have travelled a lot. We have seen Thailand a lot. We also had a 11 day trip to Vietnam.

Read some good books as we always do.

Would have liked to pray and meditate lot more.

House hunting in Bangkok

The greed of few in banks like Chasee Manhattan and Sity made the world economy go for a downward spin, making people loose tons of money, pay cut, loss of job, loss of house, loss of security and mental peace. It happend in distant USA but its impact has been brutally felt world over. The number of expats seeing their benefit cut is going up everyday.

This means that they would be on their own to go for lower budget house, should the exorbitant shchooling themselves if they desire and most desire to go back home.

The rental has fallen in Bangkok but unless one can stay like the locals in town houses and away from the centre, its still stiff.

The acceptance is an issue, the acceptance of the fact that move might have to be made away from the serviced apartments, from the luxury of everything being taken care off. One living in Lungsuan and contelplating a move to a nice place in Sathorn shudders at the thought of travel by bus to BTS, then a taxi to reach the place of work and trace back in the evening. It seems impossible to bear. Bangkok is nice and nothing worng parhaps with staying in Sathorn but its an issue to make the move. There are then place in Sukhumvit that the building are too spaceous and the building are old. The entrace is not slick and welcoming, a stale smell of everydayness hang loosely in the air. The roads of Ekamai look downmarket and the thought of the travel everyday cause huge stess. The rentals are still stiff at more than 40k Bhat for a small 2BHK and the kichten still are very small. The builders being locals, seem to operate from the beliieve that the process of cooking at home is a habit on the verge of extinction.

Onnut condos are suppossed to ve cheap and spaceous. Yet, it seems distant and it doesnt help that moving and working in Bangkok for couple of years meant that one has moved around only of few selected place leave him unaware and unaccustomed to the city called Bagkok that they called home.

It means paying 60k to get a place where one wants to live at the cost of serious dent to the pocket. It doesnt seem susntainable and only solace can be found in the phylosophy that one should live in the moment and future would take care off. Never living this phylosphy means one will go through constant turmoil, fear of living without saving and the unknow. Being positive helps and it sooths with promises that better days would emerge, one would be able to generate a second live of earning, one rushes to reactive the online trading acounts in the hope of making that elusive killer deal that would leave the family richer by million.

The conflict of mind continues. Somepeople say you arent living if not uneasy wih the situations but for sure its no damned fun if one is living uneasily day and night, everyday.

We shall overcome. Thats a promise. To us.

Decision time

Has arrived inspite of me dreading it. There is an opprtunity for us to get what we wanted but only partly. Its again a classic situation when to get something, we have to forgo many other things. Its not something so good that we would blindly aspire to take it up.

Mumbai is not an appealing place. The schools are crowded, not many school would have a decent play ground. Getting into a school of choice would be difficult. The multinational environment that we value would be missing there.

Roads are worse, the buildings are nondesriptive. Curruption abounds. Pollution galore. Driving is nightmare. Agression is the name of everyday living.

It would also mean being unsure about the next grade for forseable future.
Next grade is anyways something that cannt be seen in foreseable future.
Many of my peer groups have got it allready.

Yet, given the situation, it can provide the much missed stability and sense of security. Its a known devil.

Having fallen in love with SEA ways of living doesnt make it any easier. Growing up, living here is far easier than in Mumbai.

An ordinary graduate can become a management trainee and have a fast trakced career but in India one need to have a MBA from the best top five places to have a similar career. Do I push our son into such a situation? Will he be able to break the shackle and later be able to settle in Singapore, SEA, Eupore or US?

Is it destiny that decides our fate? To what extent we can influnece? Have always believed in prayer yet at this crucial moment in life, find the conviction lacking. Must try to get it back. Faith and confidence are everything that can decide our destiny.

Should we let of it and accept the uncertainty? Will it pay off? Will I be able to pull it off eventually if I let go off this opprtunity? Will something else come along?

Who can tell?
Sleep with this confusion, get up in the morning, tired with these thoughts in mind.

The surging

sense of not being able to reach the desired destionation is playing havoc with the hormonal balalnce. The events of last one year has been rough and seems to be eating away the core of the life bit by bit. The recession, the death of my mother, the sense of running out of options in the career are gawning at mercilessly.
The recession seems to have made it impossible to get any good opportunities in Europe. Thus the remaining options are very limited and nothing very paetising.

Never have felt the tuck to give up and call it a day so strongly before.

Its taking every bit of nerves to stay on and fight back the sense of dejection thats feeling everyday more confident to rule over the soul.

But life's lessons are all there. Have been into near impossible situations and yet have come out of that. Impossible things have happened in life which I didnt have any power to make happen. Many a times, when on the verge of giving up hope for something, have seen the tide turn and rays of hope and dawn appeared. I didnt have tricks to make any of these possible apart from being hopeful, positive and prayerful.

Or may be these are the tricks which will again seem me through the present crisis which seems to be by far the biggest I have seen or so it seems this momont.

We shall overcome.

PS: After writing this, I was browsing other blogs randomly and found this: http://aheartforgod.blogspot.com/?expref=next-blog

Amaging, isnt? Should there be any doubt left about His presence in our lives?!

Experiences

The young boy was angry at his friend Philip. Whole evening he would just say from time to time and Philip is no longer is his friend and it would be only Lucas and may be Harry who would be his friend. On much prodding, he said that he was angry because Philip ran away from him when Mas asked him to do so. He was angry with Mas too but was much more angry with philip. He also planned what he is going to say and do to Philip.
Nextday, his mom said that she got a call from Philip's mom and she had said that Philip was very worried and said previosu evening at dinner time and had said that his closest friend probably wouldnt keep him as his best friend.
The boy laughed a happy laugh and asked,'what did Philip said again, mama?'
Think friendship is always knowing being wanted and cared for. Hurt and misunderstanding are often the cause for moving apart.
True even when the boy and his Croetian friend is just about 8 and 9 yr old.
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Seems Mas is moving to England and he has told his friend,'why dont you ask you dad to get a job in England?' The boy knows that his dad got a call from a headhunter for a job in UK. He said, 'why dont you take that job? I can then be with Mas?' Innocence is simplicity.
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The man was looking for a medicine in the drawers and after sometimes found a old tube and went on to use it. The boy said,' Please check the expriery dates?' How do the eight year olds know about expiery dates needed for medicines?
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The boy is always late for the scoll bus. He sleeps late and find it difficult to get up in the morning. Couple of days back he was specially late and ran to catch the bus. In the evening, he said seepishly,' the big guy told me, he you are damn late today, you need to sleep early. Why do you sleep late?' Being a leo, he answered' Oh, I watch TV'. Actually he gets late sleeping since he has to finish his homework and do komon. However, he was that day very conscious of going to bed early and next day got up without much prodding. He was obviously not late for the bus. What his parent have been trying to instill as a discipline of sleeping early and getting up early for last several years but never succeed got done by the big guy called Sameer who share the bus with the boy.
If one doesnt learn something needed from parents, he has to learn it from society, sometimes in bit hard way. Society always teaches one what we have to know and learn.