Meaning of living

We got our son within a year of our marriage. I was 34 then. The year was 2002. The month was August. Since then our lives have revolved around him. Given that we there are a small family, we have don't everything together. My life certainly changed for the better with marriage and arrival of our son. It game me meaning. It gave me stability. It game me plethora of memories. He poked me once last year at my growing belly, I felt insulted and lost close to 10kg! That's what he does to me! Gives me meaning and reason to do what I have to do!

He is 16 now. He is doing IB. He is in grade XI. He is 6'2''. He loves playing basketball. He is a drummer. He loves music. He is a gum aficionado! He loves shoes. He takes him mama for hair cut. He will likely go to US or UK or Canada or Singapore for his graduation and higher studies once his school studies are completed.

I cannt sleep at night. There is nothing I regret that I couldn't do and looking forward to doing it. The child who would hold my hand tight everywhere is a teenager today and everyday becoming a bit stronger and readier to start writing his own story. Im proud of the confident, gentle, straightforward, authentic person he is growing up to be! I know I need to be there for him. He is our only son and doesn't have a brother or sister to look after him. I pray that he get a great soulmate who would walk with him as he explores and strive to achieve all that he desires. Yet, I feel already lonely and dread the day when he would be university is a distant land! Empty house staring at my heart. I sometimes start losing meaning and feel empty to be able to keep walking! Start a hobby, make friends, get involved in many things- all these are known but doesn't lend any meaning to get into all these.

Arsenal beat Chelsea today. I support Arsenal. He supports Chelsea. It 12.30am. He goes for a jog.

I tell myself to be strong. To will myself to keep walking strong and with purpose since we need to be there for our son. Its difficult but I have to do it. I seek strength. I seek forbearance! I pray for us to remain together and be happy and strong together.