Nov 05 postings-recovered

Journey from one to two

I now feel the urge to relive the journey we made together with our son SG on his way to become a two year old toddler. We used to look at child walking and wonder when and how our son will learn to walk. I remeber I watched a child talk fluently and wondering to myself how SG will reach that stage. When he was around a year and two month old, I got a call from Dona one day afternooon shouting out with joy that she had helped him walk for the first time. We spent that evening watching in wonder at his tenntative walks and trying to soften his frequent fall. He didnt know how to come down from the bed and as soon he would get up, he would shout so that one of us would bring him to where all the action was. There were lot of evenings when I would take him to our beautiful terrace in the evening and show him the starts and the moon. He would wonderstruck watching the car zooming in both direction in the Andheri flyover and I would keep telling him names and colours of diffferent cars on the flyover. May be this was the reason why he became so obsesses with cars as he grew older. Its amaging how all boys love cars and guns and girls love dolls and cookware. This seems to be eternal and inspite of laptops, DVDs and internet, these might never change. Words from his mouth soon followed in ones and twos and he would gesticulate a lot and ensure that we got his message and met his desires.It feels so wonderful too hear one child calling him. He would be interested in spending more time outdoors and Tannubai was employed to take him around. He would eagerly wait to go downstair with his cycle and would come back with stones and leaves and offcoure he would be dirty, quite often and would get a massage and a bath subsequently from Tannubai. Gradually, he became great friends with Atharva. He would talk in Bengalee and Atharva would respond in Marathi, yet the communication seemed to be always lucid and they would spend hours together. We were infact worried that it would be a trouble for him to learn talking as we used to talk sometimes in Bengali, sometimes in English and Tannibai would talk in marathi. He must have faced quite a bit of confusion but we never got to know about it.

We used to be always scared of what he would put inside his mouth. The shock and the memory of that day is still vivid in my mind when he had put a wodden block inside his mouth and I could take it out. He was howling and thanks to DG's level headedness and God's grace, she managed to take it out.

Or that day in office when I got a call fron her saying that he most probably had drank some collins (a liquid detergent). We didnt have a car those days. I rushed to the cabin of one of my collegue and he drove us to the hospital. He was under observation for few days subsequently. Or the day we went to a mall on 24th December and he got a wistle as gift. Aftersometime, we found that he had dissemble it and a small part was missing. We spent half an hour looking for it and falied. Nextday, we went to a doctor and he was Xrayed and nothing was found, still next couple of days his Ma DG had very close look at his potty, as per doctor's advise. It was living with dread those days.

He got his first hair cut after he completed 18 months. By that time, he had quite long hairs and we would tie it up. He was so cute looking with a pony tail and miss it. Im sure he would get this look back when he would be in his early twenties. We all do. It was a occasion I used to dread and we strggled to complete it. A barbar came home and midway, he refused to let him cut his hair anyfurther. With quite a bit of antics, we managed to convice him to go the whole hog. He used to be very puzzled thereafter about lack of hair in his and place his hand over his head infront of the mirror repeated. He was the cutest boy around with a cleam shaven look.

All along, he was extremly attached to me and he is probably the first person for whom I have dome something selflessly and felt good doing something out of love. Life hadnt been easy to me ever and to protect myself, I have built a wall around me where no one had entry. He is the first person who has entered there effortlessly.

We bought his first tri-cycle when he was close to two and he took sometime to learn to paddle him. Once he leart, he would always be on the cycle.His second birthday was fun for all. He cut the cake and played with friends and collected gifts. He was waiting for his brithday for the first time. He would go to parties where he would see kids cutting cakes and he would want to do the same and get gifts. He had learnt to correlate event and its related activities.

Posted Monday, November 28, 2005

No string attached!

Every winter in December Neel used to go to his home in subarban Calcuttaon his anuual leave. He used to be based in Hydrabad then. He was 27 year old then in 1997 when in such a visit he noticed that a new family has moved in to the ground floor of the floor opposite to his house. Being at an age when his interest in girls, was at peak and he was hardly the one who would be too discriminating about the marital status of the girl so far as admiring them was concerned. He was the ogle king in his circle of friends.One day in dinner table, he got to know that this family was a very interesting one. The boy, around 12 year old, was the the ladi’es son from a previous marriage. She was now living together with a man allready married to someone else.Her days seemed interesting. She spent couple of hours in the day dancing and exercising infront of the morrior. Neel soon got addicted to the activity of following her life. She would take a bath twice a day and the windows would never be close.He also noticed one morning that that the guy in her house joined her in her bed and the curtain was drawn. This image in his mind would haunt him later.One day in the morning their eye’s met. Both of them moved their eye’s quickly away. Neel knew now the lady was surprised and curious when he noticed she was looking toward his house now and then. It became a game for them. He once caught her staring toward the window of his room.That day evening, the light of her bed room was on and Neel saw her standing in her balcony and gesturing something to him. It was very desparate act as her partner and son was inside. He gestured back that she should come out of her flat. She did. She gave him her phone number. He called next day when she was alone.They talked endlessly and fixed up a renzeavous next day.Sitting close, shoulder touching, Neel found her to be old initially and was repenting this meeting. Somewhere, she took off out spectacle and smiled brilliantly. He died. The flirtations between them was electrifying and soon their hands were over each other.Her story is at its confusing best. He had got married at fourteen to a doctor. He was 20 year older than her. They had eloped. Had a son at 17. He suspected her to have a affair with his nephew and separated.She acted in a moving but details were very fuzzy. She had done some modelling and had done lot of shows.She told him somewhere that she had slept with a famous Indian crickter, denied it next day and confirmed it again later. She was immoral by the standard of the prevailing socital norms.They would exchange gestures from each others house sitting amidst other people at their home and never got caught. It was perversion at its best or may be worst.He was being forced to marry a girl chosen by her parents. He told that to the girl’s parents and they cancelled the engagement.Once in a restaurant she waged a bet with him on if he can ask the waitress they to come out with him. As he called her, she accepted defeat and aske him what he wanted as prize. He wanted her to come to Hydrabad where he was based then and she agreed. She told him later that she didn’t expect him to ask for something cheap.Holidays over, she droped him to the airport. It was surprising that cops didn’t stop them on the taxi and it got converted into a moving bed during that one hour of journey.Being a utterly practical guy, she never again expected to meet her. But one monsoon morning, she called and told him, ‘ Im drinking beer and missing you desparately’.Nextday he got a letter from her. She had described how late at night the moon rays would copulate with the window panes of her bedroom.Few days later, she told him that she woulc come to his place with a friend of hers for three week. Neel used to stay alone this was the first time a girl was coming to stay with him. His mind was occupied with the obvious thoughts and he wasn’t sure what would happen when she would come to stay.The day of arrival arrived and he picked them up from the station. At home, they chatted for a long time till her friend left them alone. That night was magical but he couldn’t sustain for long. She teased him without hurting him and he promised things would change.Her friend, a divorcee with a grownup daughter couldn’t tolerate their closeness and left for her relatives place. Her friend told him that she was a girl of questionable morality. He was very disturbed. She begged him to make love to him but he stayed away. In reality, he repented that he didn’t have a protection. They talked and she convinced him that she was not what was being made out to be and the magic was back. The hours passed in a blurr.They teased each other, talked of their dreams, shared the hurts, drank, soaped each other and made love, all many times. They would sleep for couple of hours every night. Staring at the stars together, they would talk of dream of a life together. She agreed that they will have a daughter tohether and for some time they emotionally played with her. In his mind though, there was no thoughts of spending rest of his life with her. He was enjoying the phase of drifting along in life.He told her that she had nursed a monk when he was ill and how others misunderstood them and he was driven out of his monastry.She had told him that she was 31 year old but age given in her train ticket was 35, he noticed. He confronted her and she said this things happen.She went back to Kolkata but came back to visit him again a month back. This time she bought a young guy with her who was subservient to her. He would do all the household work and they would romance every moment of the day. She would make him exercise and she would dance for him and would feel its effect on him with her palm and declared that it would be her inspiration to dance for the rest of her life.She would cook for him and make the things he was fond off. He asked her if she had undergone abortion ever and her answer was in the affirmative.All the days spent together in each others embrace made him fall in love with her and she want marriage. He contemplated it and at these moments, the tought of all her previous guys over her would go over his orental mind and he was in great agony. He couldn’t reconcile to the fact that she had a history and the things he was experiencing with her for the first time was not her first experience. She was a woman who had lived her life and he was just beginning his life.Initially, he wanted her for her experiences. He wanted her but not her experiences, now. This within a span of two month.

Much later, he got a mail from Ranjan who wished to talk to him beforing marrying her. He didn’t respond.

Posted Sunday, November 27, 2005

She is happy

A week back, Manjunath, a very unassuming, simple, god fearing, moralistic guy in his mid-theirties bought a flat in Lokhandawala.

He is my collegue. He had some parameters and this place met all. It must have been the fifth flat he had seen and he selaed the deal. We were also looking for a flat to but and we must have seen around 30 flats so far but nothing we saw, we felt like buying. So this sunday I wished to discuss it with him and I called him in the intercom. His wife picked up the phone.Myself: Hi Poorni, can I talk to Manjunath?

P: Arrey, he has just left for Madras.

M: Oh, when is he back? Why did you allow him to leave you on a weekend?

P: Ah, he has his parents and friends in Madras, he had to meet them all and tell them the big news that we have bought a flat.M: Yeah, we also saw the place and we were remebering you, the flats are very nice there.

P: Oh, you went there? I havent seen it yet.

In disbieve, I asked again, ' you havent seen the flat yet?'

P: No, I couldnt go yet.Manjunath had gone to the sales office of the builder with a broker. He booked his flat the first time he went there. There was no ambiguity in his mind about whether his wife and son would like it. And Poorni was happy that they had bought a flat and had no regret in that she was yet to have a look at the flat where she would spend her days to come.Three cheers to Feminism.The important thing in life is to be happy and the matrix for happiness for different person is different. We make mistake the moment we try to apply our metrix to understand someone else. Bigger mistake is to force it on somebody else.

Posted by Saturday, November 26, 2005

An arranged marriage

The year was 1985. One friday evening, Sheila aunty came to our home and she was very excited. She declared that she had found a extremely good alliance for her daughter Chand. Chand was beautiful but they were trying for quite sometime to find a good match for her. Her husband was quite orthodox and hence, job, caste, the apparance of the guys father-everything was to meet his standard and it was not easy. Hecne aunti'es joy was justified. We all were invited and marrriage was fixed on a sunday, 2 weeks later.On that sunday, at around 5pm we got a frantic call from Shila aunties sister, Deepu, who was also very close to us. She was hysteric and informed us that Chand has disappeared sometimes around 4pm.We were stunned and didnt go to the reception. We suspeccted the obvious, that she had gone away with her boyfriend. We didnt know if she had a boy friend till then.We came to know about the details later. She indeed had a boyufriend and she had told her parents about him. He was from a good family and had a good job. But he was from a different caste. And anyway she was not to have a love marriage so long her father was alive.So, inspite of her disaggreement, she was shown to few prospecting grooms and one of them wished to marry her. her boyfriend went and told this guys family that he was having a affair with Chand and so they shouldnt proceed with the marriage. These people ttold him,'it's allright, you can come to our house once she becomes our daughter in law and have tea'.One the day of the marriage, Chande again tried convincing her parents and failed. She didnt have any other option that to leave her house.That evening, the prospective groom came with his people to her house to marry her.She married her boyfriend very next day, in Kalighat in front of Ma Kali.She never again could enter the house of her father where she had spent 27 years of her house.The Indian society is surprisingly funny. We wish our sons and daughters to be happy but assume we know what would make them happy. We expect them to puppets to our the whim and fancy.
posted Friday, November 25, 2005

Power of meditation

Dear confused, lost, harrased friends,

Life is difficult for most of us. Life is all about making choices and most of the times the choices at hand are fuzzy and a complex problem in dicision making.Also dissatisfaction at our lot, specially during teenage years and around middle age, plays havoc with our psyche. The saadest thing is, help is there at hand, all the time but we dont know about it. Worse, we know about it but dont use it.The power of meditation. I have seen in my life that to realise anything you wish, however out of reach it may appear to be, all one has to do is meditate. I have seen huge benefit in doing four things.1. Just write as many time as you can, on as many occasions as you can about it in a positive manner. You will get it.2. This method requires more decipline. You seat quitely at one place, with closed eyes. And concentrate on you one leg, see the tiredness flowing out of it slowly. Then imaggine, see a yellow, golden warm flowing though it. Experience the warrmth.Repeat it with you other leg.Repeat it with your hands, torse. Take your time. Just relax.Then concentrate on your brain. See all the confusion, the weight there is flowing out. Experience a warm, calmness decending on your brain.See the warm glow and warmth allover your being.Then imagine you are there with pelople closest to you at the best place you can imagine. I imagine Im going with my wife, son, a daughter (whom I desire, she is yet to be born, but she will arrive in our life someday, somehow) to the beach from our hotel room in Goa.Experience each of the small details. Experience the experience that your walking through the sand, son and daughter laughing, running. We go to the sea, the water embrace our feets. I feel the sand running away around my feet with the recedeing water, we lie down in the deck, sip coconut water, play volleyball. . You enjoy, dream, think of all the things you love to do.Then you suddenly see a white screen at a distance. Curious, you slowly walk towards it. And as you arrrive, see all the things you desire to happen, happening on that screen, as many things as you want to happen. Once done, again experience your walk back the place where you started. Slowly be aware of your surrounding and open your eyes. You are done. Do it as often as you can and see the your life transform.3. As you walk through the walkway, send silent prayer for the anyone passing by. A silent prayer for someone unknown can bring fullness to your life.4. Give to charity, as often as you can. It doesnt matter how much you give, what matters is that you are giving.

Give and you will receive, multiplied manytimes.With a prayer for you,A soul yet to be reformed

posted by Thursday, November 24, 2005

Pleasure or work?

A new trainee joined our factory in the southern part of India. The general manager, an affable man and extremely friendly of around 50 year of age, was responsible for his grooming.It was a custom to rag all the trainees. That day in the canteen the GM asked the trainee, ' tell me if sex is pleasure or work. See, it can be pleasure for someone young yet for someone old or incapable it can be work, what do you say?'The trainee responded, ' Sir, its definitely pleasure'.GM: Why do you say so?Trainee: If it was work, you would have asked me to do it. But you dont.The trainee went on to become the chairman of that company. That's my assumption.

Posted by Wednesday, November 23, 2005

A father fails

He was my private tutor who changed my life.He used to be the private tutor to my elder brother. A middle aged, very affable gentleman who was the head master of a local school in south Calcutta. My brother, four year older to me, was a good student. I was more interested in games and fun in general. He was not willing initially to teach me. But my foster parents. But he was allmost forced to take me under his wing.He was passionate about the famed habit of Bengalis of passing time by discussing anything under the sun. So he would be there in our house for more than three hours but most of that time would have been spent on reading the paper or discussing the left politics prevent in Bengal those days. He was a good teacher but I don’t remember him for this quality. He turned me around in another way using a very simple yet sure shot method. Since I was not studious, I would be harassed and would be given a very tough time everyday at home by my foster father. He was a self-made person who had huge grudge against the world in general and relative in particular. Now I understand that he must have been very insecure inside but those days I was too young to rationalise his behavior. He would make me cry everyday during dinner. He would deprive me every joy of living. I wasn’t allowed to play with the local boys as he thought they used to smoke. I was infact smoking everyday those days. He was very cynical and the amount of criticism he used to dish me out was too much for me at that age to shoulder. My teacher interfered in; it was a non-invasive interference. He started praising me and seeing greatness in everything I used to do. He would admire my writings, he would admire the way I would solve a problem and he would predict great future for me. He would go over board and compare me with the greats like Vivekananda. Swami Vivekananda was a very famous monk who started the Remkrishna mission in Calcutta first and around the world later. He showed so much trust in me that slowly I started believing in myself and I didn’t want to prove him wrong. I started concentrating in my studies and started to feel good about myself for the first time in life.But he failed with his son. He was very proud of his son and would give in to his son’s every desire. He would get manipulated by his son. He would tell us that he had shaved enough for his son’s to last in his life, in effect his son wouldn’t have to do any work in his life for survival. This I guess is a sure way to cripple a son. His son grew up flunking in examinations, got married at 24 without a regular job. I don’t know what he does these days.My teacher was such a perceptive man. He realised what was killing me and gave the antidote in terms of raining praise on me. He succeeded as teacher; he did the same thing with his son and failed as a father. May be because of this the saying that love is blind get credence.

Posted by Tuesday, November 22, 2005

One year old

Today, our son SG's didu (grandma) was helping him wear the jeans trouser and she seemed to have applied some force to which he remarked, 'looks like you will break my leg now!'.Sometimes later she told him,' I heard while going to the school in the bus, u play with dust and dirty leaves, is that correct?' He replied,' who told you so?'. She, ' how does it matter, you tell me if thats corrrect?' He told, ' no, I want to know who told you that'.He is now just over three old.

My mind goes back to the day's on his to completion of one year on this earth. I dont remember the day he turned for the first time. DG told me so over phone and I was just relieved to know one more milestone on his progress is met. Again his smile is etched on my mind when for the first time he played hide and seek with me lying on the bed. We were around him and he was lieing and playing with us. He was around 10 month old. Suddenly he pulled over the bed cover over his face and looked at me from a corner. He was all smile. We immidiately took some snaps.His first birthday was remarkable. It is told that first birthday of a child is actually a celebration just for the mother. He turned one on 18th August, 2003. Previous night after he went to bed, we decked up the house. At 12 sharp, we couldnt control ourself, we wake him up, cuddled him and wished him happy birthday and took him around. He got wildly excited looking at all the decorations. Afterwards he couldnt just sleep. Every hour or so, he will just standup and point towards all the decoration. I spent that night pulling him down and making him sleep, till the next time he would stand up.There were phone calls galore that day to wish him. His uncle from Delhi surprised us by droping at our place. We were bit unhappy that his didu, mashi, dada & didi werent around that day. Thankfully his Amituncle wasnt travelling and was present. Couple of years later, SG will become quite pally with him.

We have called some people over. We planned to cut the cake at 8 sharp. Shrihhan went off to sleep propmtly at 8pm. We had to wait for quite sometime to for him to wake up to do the honour.The food was great and everyone had a good time. We were off course very tired at the end of that day, tired but extremely happy.

Posted by Sunday, November 20, 2005

An indomitable spirit

I moved to Mumbai five years back from Bangalore.

I was a bachelor and dreaded living alone without a domestic help. One of my friend in Mumbai who used to live in the same building where I took accomodation had promised to help. Thus one fine morning the ubiquitious domestic help, the bai, came to my place. A very frail looking old lady with most of her teeths missing. However, make no mistake, she was the ultimate salesperson and diddnt have an iota of self doubt. She told me: Everyone here wants to work for them, but Im very selective. Unlike the other bais, I dot steal and have returned so many thing to the families I work. I have their keys with me'. She said I could pay her whatever I choose. But also told me the living standard in Mumbai is high and others actually pay her a premium over what other get, for she is desired.She became a part of my life.She was the untimate manager and knew how to do perception management. She wouldnt srub the floor everyday as became obvious to me on many occasions, but she would boil the mild in the morning for me to drink before going to office and make my bed so that I could sleep comfortably.Often my friends will comeover to stay with me. They would invariably be lectured on how she took care of me. She would know even their names.She was very humane and caring. I had huge pain in my teeth and she got a medicine for me. I didnt use it for to me she was not veyr clean.She had a child within her, still alive inspite of the very hard life she had lived. There was a mango tree in our compound and from the third foolow flat of ours, we were trying to pluck one. She saw, she smiled, she left. Next moment we saw her climbing the tree and she came back with few raw mango, so delicious to every virgin girl in this part of the world.All she needed for survival was appreciation and blind, unadulterated praise. She would open a talk and indulge in self promotion unabeshedly.I got married few years later and she advised me how to handle a new bride and she took some time to accept her.She used to work at four housholds in the campus and each of us got to know about happenings in the life of the rest of the families through her.Her help was unconditional when our son was born. She was excited and helped us with the nuggets of wisdom gleaned from the roadside residence she had.Her son was a drunkard, married with a child. She would abuse him regularly for not taking care of his family. She had tricked the girl to marry him. She had lied that he had a regular job where his regular job was to get drunk. She was earning to support this family. Since she knew all the families she worked for had children who went to good school and tuition, she also made sure that her grandchild went to a engilish medium school and had tuition. This costed her good sum of money but she did it with no complain. This kid, growing up in the not so greta envirronment of streetside makeshift houses in Mumbai, failed in exam. But she persisted.I never knew where from she got the energy for going through the drugery of the montonous and physically gruelling work she used to do. It must have been her faith in destiny and will power to see a better tommorrow that energies her.

Posted by Friday, November 18, 2005

An indecent proposition

Shyam was supposed to be an average student in one of the premier college in Calcutta. Average, because his score's, response to any situation to the outside world was average by the normal standard. However, he came first in that's year's University examination and scored far ahead of the girl who used to come first always. It was a surprise to all, even to him. He started getting attnetion from everyone. One of the professor told that she knew he could come first. He believed some unknown power that resulted from his prayers helped him achieve what was much beyound him.He however was not the studies type and had healthy interest in girls.Ruma was one of the hot babes in his class who used to be a thing of admiration to many of the guys whose father used to have deep pocket. She was clearly out of his reach.For few days, day after day he noticed, that during class she would just state at him and when he would look, he would very slowly turn around but just for few minutes.The invitation was clear. He was game for it and it was fun playing this game.Exchange of notes and movies happened in due course. They became a pair.Sandeep, the forntrunner so far in the race to have her attnetion confessed one day that now that Shyam was there, he didnt have a chance to reach her heart.The romance was fun. The aimless walk down the rever Ganges, the long hours of nethingness in coffe house, walk down Esplanade in rain, sharing the small unbrella were that was reality now.Months passed. He had to now decide and concentrate on one of the forthcoming professional course.He proposed to her. Her answer was' let me see your results in the forthcoming final exam'. The topic got changed to movies and one of the overnight trips they were planning with someother friends.Final exam over, they went for that vacation to one of the best place around Calcutta. Mukutmanippur is just few hours from Clacutta and still virgin those days. The memory of those two nights spent there got etched in his memory.It was clear in his mind that she would move away from him if his results were not to be good. His mind was made. At the end his result was good.He married Rita there years later.

posted by Thursday, November 17, 2005

Hurt, first time in life

Manab Roy, 32 year old, had a conference in Conoor, the queen of tea estate towns deep in Tamilnadu, India. It was 24th Dec and he was away from his family. The day was largly boring like happens in lot of the conferences. It was cold, he was alone. A fire in the fire place and a glass rum was keeping him company. He was not sad but somwwhat pensive and his mind went back to his growing years in a far away town near Kolkata, West Bengal.A incident that occoured many many moons away passed through his mind. He was four. . His brother, four year older to him but allready in hostel was visiting home. His brother was just into collecting stamp and as happens to younger brothers he was also wanting to collect stamps.His grandpa also had a collection of stamps. Both of them were with him that dec morning and he was showing them his collection. His grandpa gave two stamps to his brother and he cried out that he was wanted few. His grandpa whom he loved dearly lovingly told him not to cry and gave me a stamp. He was extremely happy for it was his first stamp.Later that day his brother was admiring his growing collection and Manab showed off his newlt aquired stamp, he told it was just a picture and not a stamp. He asked why drandpa would pass off as stamp and answer was obviously to make him stop crying. Manab was shattered. It was the first deception he faced. He couldnt believe his grandpa who was his world would lie to him.It happened many years ago and now he realise that it was a innocent deception all elders resort to. But the hurt, the disbelieve, the feeling of being let down at that point of time was too much for him to handle.He has a son now and he promised to himself that he will never lie to him. Its another matter that it becomes difficult to keep this kind of self promise in day to day life. He was acutely aware of it.

A disease called Terrorism

Dave and Atin were struck inside the office that moonsoon evening in Mumbai with not too much to do. They were having tea and fried checken and whiling away their time infront of the television. They were waiting for the rain to stop.

There was news flash that a car bomb exploded in a hotel in Cairo and Dave wondered aloud what is gained by such senseless act where no one seem to gain anything and families are ruined.Atin kept quite and commented:Being deeply disturbed about the senseless loss of life due to Terrorism, I was pondering about how it could be eradicated from the face of earth for quite sometimes. The conclusion I arrived, cynically, was that it will always be there to haunt normalcy in common man’s life somewhere on this earth.Its like asking will ever life be just and answer is an emphatic No.Why?1. Historically, freedom for many countries were achieved by using force. What was freedom fighting to the country under rule, was terrorism to the occupier. It was justifiable from the point of the country under rule and history has celebrated it. Physical occupation can be understood. But emotional, pshycologically and economical oppression needs also be recognised on the same line as physical occupation of a nation.Shortermism and manipulation of nations by powerful nation (S) are a reality and people understand it. One resorts to force and killing when one doesn’t see any other routes to get out of certain situation.Will western shorttermism end? Might be. But some nation who is powerful at oen point of time will invariably indulge in it to secure its unique position and so shorttermism per se will always be there. It will give rise to harter in peoples mind and some of them, being full of pride will opt for the ultimate sacrifice. It is not justifiable but it is reality. If one hold grudge against the policy of gorvenrment of a particular nation, that nation per se and not the government becomes a villain. The powerful countries, being drunk in self importance and sense of utter raw power doesn’t recognise it. Reality of last few years are trying to teach it to every one.2. The child who loose his father in bomb blast will avenge his father’s death leading someone else to loose his father, brother. So the cycle of revenge is never ending.3. Life is unjust and the voice of sanity is alway subdued. The unjust, the greedy, the fools will always have power at some point in the life of a nation on this earth and so some people will aways be alienated from the majority.4. There will always be fools who can be brainwashed into beliving anything and they will be puppets in the hand of vested dark forces.5. Will we ever stop fighting over money, power, women? It started at the onset of our journey and will be there till we are there.6. There will always be a fanatic who will take it on to him to correct a historic wrong in his mind and become a messiah. Even their mothers and fathers will not recognise them in time.Dave said:being fatalistic is death and Im finding hard to accept your conclusions. While talking this the outline of a possible solution just about crystallised in my mind.By now it had stoped raining. It was 10pm and they had go to their faraway homes.Dave further added:It needs to be incubated for somemore time and I will shortly try to comeout with a blue print to eradicate this diesease from the this world.

Posted by Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Fatherhood- our baby is born

Its been in my mind to record each and every memorabable incident that happened as our son grew up from the moment he was conceived. I have been meaning to do it and before I realised we celebrated his third birthday on 18th August' 05. Yeah, its been over three years now when blessing of a son has been the leading light in our life.My mind goes back to Dec 01. We went to Lonavala with some friends. It was all about late nights, long trek through winding roads. We also made a trip to a temple at the peak of a mountain about 2000ft high. We walked up to the temple together.The 31st Dec that followed was more eventful. We drank and danced till 1am at Club Matoshree, andheri(E), Mumbai. She loves to dance and that new year eve was magical, complete with changing lights and a disc jockey belting out high decible rythmic songs.Around 2nd week of Dec, she complained of dizziness and was asked to do a pregnancy test. We didnt believe that pregnancy could be a possibility. We went in the evening to collect the results. It was positive. We couldnt believe and went through the cryptic results repeatedly. Out of the clinic, there was a flower selled on the corner of the street. I gifted a bunch of dafodils to her.The evenings and nights that followed was a blrub of random and exhaustive google search, we were trying to find out each and every nugget of information available about progress of pregnancy.

Both of us has been the youngest of the family and youngest one in the famility never really grows up.To us pregnancy and child birth always happened to others. The reality took long time to sink in.What followed was weeks of regular visit to our gynacologist. We found a great doctor who looked sexless, he was so caring, soft and effortless. Life became somewhat regimented and days passed in wonderment.We were living in Mumbai, alone together.The first sonograph at the end of three month was a revelation. The high activity of the whirlwind which was our son was probably indication of the boy he would become, later. Dont remeber the first time we could hear his heart beat. It was simply amaging and we took long to time realise it was indeed a life throbing inside her, that of our child. Sex detection in India is banned and honestly we couldnt careless.I guess in around 5-6th month fo the pregnancy we started play with our child. I would hear funny sound inside whenever I would place my ear in her stomach. Soon we will see and feel him inside. A small something would appear on her stomach and as soon I would touch it, it would gone and appear in some other place. It was such a blissful joy to play like that. And soon whenever I would keep my hand on her stomach, he would come and hit me.We were told that delivery would be sometimes in 4th week of August.Around 15th August, we were now getting impatient about when our baby would be born.

On the evening of 17th August, 01 we were having some pineapple cake and while eating she talked to our baby whom we were allready lovingly calling Gulkai: ‘how long will you stay inside, its high time you came out and faced the world’. We didn’t know Gulkai would take it to heart.

Nextday, at around 4am, she had pain and we suspected it was labour pain. Dona promptly got up and started refering to a book on child birth! Her elder sister, used to stay in Mumbai those days. We rang her and she drove us to the nursing home at Lokhandwala, Andheri(E).A team of doctors were there and it soon became obvious that we were heading towards cesearian birth. That lurking suspicion would always be there if it was required. Her sis, mom and self were waiting outside the operation theater and suddenly the joyous sound of babies first cry came out from inside and someone said ‘ it’s a boy’. It was 12.54 in the afternoon. A nurse then came out with our son in a tray and cleaned him. We were still worried for Dona as she had to further undergo a operation for a cyst she was carrying. It was over in another half an hour. By that time, baby was cleaned and given his first drink, glucose water which he was relishing with gusto. He seemed to recognise me, for he looked at me when I cooed to him. His counsin brother and sister’s soon arrived to welcome him again to the world.It was just wonderful being in the same room with our baby that night. Those four days when we stayed there, I only had burgers and developed aversion towards it which stayed for quite sometimes.My mother was also born in Mumbai many many moons away and in Gulkai thus became second in our family tree to be born in Mumbai.

DG had a much stronger connection to Mumbai as her father worked in Mumbai for mnay years.Mother and son were to be released from the nursing home on 23rd Aug. I spent more than four hours that day in the morning cleaning, organising and reorganising the house for his arrival. I also did shopping for him that day.He was to be come home at aorund 4pm. Though we did practice somewhat, none of us were confident of carrying him. His aunty eventually carried him home and he was placed in the bed. After couple of hours he started crying and it appeared he was hungry. No one now knew how to make DG feed him. And soon I found myself to have picked him up, without know how. That’s the first time I had carried him.Next three month was just about irregular sleep and admiring him in disbelieve. Soon he started letting it be known that he didn’t enjoy being wrapped.

One faternoon, we were sleeping and suddenly I woke up with a start thinking it was raining. He had just let a fountain out directed at me. That was the first time he played jokes with me and gradually we became more of pals by the time he was 2 year or so.His trust on me was unshakable. We would take him to doctor’s for the vaccinations. The moment he would be given the injection, he was cry and stared at me in disbelieve. I would hug him and tell him that its okey baba (lovingly boy child are also called in baba in Bengali), and he would stop crying. This never stopped.

We used to wonder if ever his neck would become strong and he started looking up around when he was around four month old and it was pure joy to look at him.I used to tease DG that malls were her temple which she had to visit every week. Gulkai seemed to have believed that he showed his distinct preference for this activity when he was around 8 month old. We have gone to Haiko mart, Powai and even after being out for more than four hours, he was playful and let it be known that he was having fun.I will continue from here someother time soon.

Posted Saturday, November 12, 2005

Go Goa In November

'If you wish to have a feel of what is heaven likely to be, you must go to Goa in November', Anil was always told by his dear friend Shalini. Hence, when he was asked if would like to go to Goa and stay in Park Hyatt resort and spa for 2 days and 3 nights, he was more than willing to accept. He has seen Goa in March and August and it was fabulous. It was close to like heaven and now he was looking forward to have a chance to experience the heaven.Goa is just 45mins by flight from Mumbai. One doesnt have too many choices about the timings but its a small irritant. One is advised to fly by King fisher airlines but availability of tickets in short notice is an issue.Reached Goa by 7 in the evening. The temperature is close to 22oC and its very pleasant. The air one inhales can be felt to be clean. After Mumbai, these are very welcome.Trafic is light and roads are mostly dark. One can experience the definition of darkness in these roads where the visibility is close to few feets. Its surreal, speecially when in Mumbai one struggles to make the bedroom completely dark even when sleeping. The neon lights and the street lights keep vilig throughout the night.Park Hyatt is a lovely property and the goava drink on welcome was extremely smooth. The formalities didnt take much tiime. The scattered two storied house had two rooms in each floor and completely covered by trees of various hue. The decor is quite appealing. The view from the balcony is mind blowing. The small water bodies, plethora of trees all around, the mixed smell of varies flowers on bloom traported Anil to a very different world. The dark sky with a slice of moon and its reflection in water, the sound of waves in the sea not so far away added to the mystery of the time. The monotous sound of frog noice was reminder of days from bygone era. A calm decsended and engulfed his soul.The Arrosim beach is ten mins walk through the property through wodden roads. The sand is very soft and fine in size. There was not too many people around through it was not more than 10pm when Anil reached the beach. The walk on the beach where the sand glimmered from the light of the moon reflected by the sea was magical. All the petty thoughts, the urge to make it rich, the competition to reach the sky were all washed away from his mind. That life is something much bigger, that there could be a profound meeaning to it, that he may have another 25-35 years on the earth, that his child and wife are the most important people in life and now in Mumbai- all these through passed through his mind in slow motion. He promised to himself that never again he will prevent her from doing anything he wished to do. Its another matter that sometimes later he would forget about this self promise he made to himself amidst the hectic life in Mumbai few months later.He went out again in the morning next day in a hired bike. Now he had cathy with him, his beach friend from the previous night.Goa is a modern village in no hurry to catch up or go anywhere. The slight clill in the pure water, the never ending fields on both side of the not so wide roads, the water bodies everywhere, the waves of the coconut trees from far away-all communicated to him that its allright not to do anything and just be.The buildings bore the signature of its portugese past. The obsession with ballish shapes for decorateing the outer structure of the buildings was noticable.The name of the roads and the small food joint every where were typical goanese and unlikely one can find anywhere else in India. Dona is central to his life and her name seems to have a strong connection to this slumbering place. Dona Paola, Dona' kitchen, Dona beach shack-all in Goa.Cathy loved the goan fish curry in one among the many beach shacks that can be found in any of the beaches. The squid fry, promfet curry, white buttered rice- all washed down with couple of chill bear was all that she needed to feel contended and place herself on the hand of nothingness. She sleeped like a vulnerable baby on Alan's beach shack. Her bed was the deck chair, with a unbrella keeping away the merciless afternoon sun at bay.The sea changes colour every minute of the day and the water there is always smiling with different extent of spead of the mouth.There seems to be some regulars at this shack. Randy from Germany, Emily from Australia, John fron Britain, Reene from Austria are few of the many for whom its a ritual to come to Goa in November and stay on still February. The make a comunity here in Goa and when money runs out and Goa starts to become little hot, they go back to theirr individual countries to make and save so that they can make their anual pilgrimage later in the year. Anil met few who has been comeing back to Goa for the last 15-20 years. Many of them were past 40s & 50s with atleast a divorce past them. They have relatives now whom they meet every year in Goa.
The shared beers, namy hours of gazing in nothing in particular are the glue that keeps them together. They dont have any direct boold link.Anil realised that one's true relatives seldom are born under the same roof.

Posted by Sunday, November 06, 2005

Madness in Mumbai

Had a very frustrating and confusing weekend. Must have seen around 10 flats between yesterday and today and none looked great rightaway. A flat in Vile Parle was very nice but the rail line was 5 ft away. Couple of flats in Santacruz and MIDC, Mumbai was in the midst of Chalws. OPbviously we were told that within few months those chawls will be gone because the order is out anyway. A law should be made to give the brokers a dose truth serum before they meet the clients. Most of the new flats had a actual carpet area of around 65%. Couple of buildings were like 30 years old and ready for makeover for last several years. The flats in buildings more that 20 year old was quoted at the same rate as the new flats in the adjacent new buildings. No flat we saw was quoted below Rs. 45 lakh and mostly it was not negotiable.A 65 year old lady wanted 40% of the payment in black.It however threwup opprtunities to see some families and their life. Also there is constant flux in the life families in Mumbai. Most of the people start with buying a single bed room flat when they are 30 year old and by the time they are 50 year old, they should have bought a 3 bedroom flat or else they havent donne too well in life.

Posted by Saturday, November 05, 2005

To Immigration or not to-

Rishab, 32 year old, married, have a daughter of age three years. Working in a MNC based in one of the metros in India by rotation. The white goods one aspires, car, holidaying once at least in 6month is not beyound him. He goes to a restaurant whenever he or one of his family desires. He is planning for a holiday in far east in back of his mind. He hopes that his daughter someday will study in one of the ivy league colleges in USA.Yet the fangs of insecurity has a vise like grip on his soul. India is rapidly aping west in many of the socital & organisation beheviour without having the positives like social security that the west offers to its citizens in distress and one incresasingly doesnt know what tommrrow holds. Job security is fast becoming something that was there in ancient time.He knows few friends who have immigrated to places like NZ and AU. He aware of the struggle they went through in the initial months after travelling to the land of promises. He debated in his mind about the possible bariers one faces after immigration. The biggest hurdle seems to be finding is job that is equivalent to the one oen is currently doing. Next will be the ability to earn enought to pay the rent and survive. Its a all together different society where one is not very welcome in general to the population at large. The weather would be very different from the tropical climate one is used to in India. One wouldnt get poeple to come home and do the mundane jobs at mundane payment. Also his daughter will grwo up and have th values and ethos of the adopted country where at 18, one is supposed to move out and at 13, she is supposed to carry a condom in her purse.On the otherhand, he will get respite from the urge to save everything that he earns. It maynt be a rat race for survival there. Life may be more meaningful with opportunities to persue ones dreams and passions.Should he try immigrate and embrace the unknown?

Posted by Thursday, November 03, 2005

India Changing

Last sunday, suddenly I heard a ring like telephone ringing in the morning. I told my wife to check if her mobile is ringing. She smiled and said that it was our maid's mobile ringing! Couple of weeks later when she was going to our parents house in Delhi, she game me the maid's number. I thought I would never call her. But one sunday I wanted her to come early and used the number.My wife call the vegitable seller on his mobile and within half & hour the delivery happens.I hardly go to bank anymore, most of the transactions happen from the confime of my bed room using the web. One of my friend is a daily trader. He operates from a cyber cafe at Borivili, Mumbai and goes home at 5pm everyday at the end of another working day!Last summer I booked a hotel at Jaipur from their homepage. It was such a nice stay there.As part of my work I visited someones house in lucknow whose month income was around Rs. 5000. She had a colour TV, computer, bike, fridge. Her son was studying in a english medium school and she wants him to a MBA.Number of student in general streams are dwildling everyday and ever mushrooming computer training institutes are doing brisk business.Big malls are coming up everyday in allmost all the major and not so major cities in this country.Every one is discoverying the joy of buying without paying. Such is the mysticism of plastic card. One of my 55 year old friend has a running amount of Rs. 32000 in his credit card.How many companies are operating in the Indian sky? Going up by ones and twos every now a then.Even the Mumbai airport looks like a decent look distance bus station. The crowd dont look any different from the crowd one will see in a train station.Many of us start our job with a salary more than at which our father retired.There are many Indian MNC emerging in the world space. Europeans and americans look for a secondment in our cyberlands.Divorce is in, sex out of wedlock is in.Childrens start to go to school at 2 years of age. I joined a school when I was 5 year old, 30 years back. I used to climb trees, play in field in moon soon rain. My child watches trees and animals in my laptop.My parents seldom took us to any restaurants. My son needs to visit the McDonald allmost every sunday.Teachers earn more money and less respect.

India is certainly changing. Hope we dont move very far away from our equlibrium points.

Posted 3rd Nov, 05

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