Must change

Prinx was nostalgic and was shareing her life in college. Unfortunately, as always happened, she came to a point where she said that nothing was same after marriage. I knew she meant life has detorierated after marriage. At that point, Shenna called me inside and without saying a work, like a monster, I rose to go. She must have been shocked and bitterly commented that. This is how relations are broken’. I nonetheless, went inside and Shenna started to play. HE is just four and love to jump around, over me. He was doing that. Im afraid, that he might hurt himself and at some point, asked him to stop doing that. He first said, he will not sleep with me and will go to mama. I requested him not to do that few times and then said, ‘ okey, go’. Heartless me. He loves me dearly, so went and I knew he would be back. Surely he came back after sometimes. During that time, I was feeling miserable and regrettably thought of the fucked up life I was leading before prix and he arrived in my life. He came back surely and mumbled before going to sleep, ‘ you don’t love me, you always rebuke me, you have asked mama not to buy me toys and chocolates, I will not stay with you.’ I was shocked to realize how I had made my little boy unhappy and how stressed he must be. I regretted that I have casued so much pain and sadness to our son and his mother. I know the horrible growing up years I had is the reason the way Im but I must try to change for the better. I have to be happy with myself to make them happy. I have to stop worrying about future and start living in the present. The crux of the problem is money and it is because I being unsure of future, try my best to creat a egg next. However, Prinx wants to live for today and rightly so. Here lies the conflict and the resultant bitterness on both sides. I got to change, I got to change, I got to change. If only I knew, how to make sure that that happens!