Yesterday, I heard from two my friends, one going through a harrowing experience and the other coping with her demon, about their personal experience with tragedy and story of their heart's crying.
It made me pause and I went back to more than 23 years back, to the day, I lost my father at the age of 17.
I have coped with it by building a wall inside me. So that I avoid pain and sorrow, I fail to allow myself to love and live in abundance. Will it ever heal? I dont know.
Below are the mails verbatim.
Dear Sandeep,
Thanks for sharing. My heart goes out to you and your family for this very sad news. I can just imagine what you and your family are going through right now. Twice I experienced having to see loved ones suffer and then fade away. First was 10 yrs ago when my mom left us. We saw her breathe her last right before our very eyes. She had lingering illness and was bedridden for months and the doctor warned us that she would not last long. I was very close to her that there were times then that I prayed not to prolong her agony, that I rather see her go than see her suffer and at the same time wishing for a miracle. When the day she had to go finally came we were so devastated.I was in denial for a long time. I had that moments in my life when I lost my sense of purpose, she was my life, all my dreams and plans revolved around her. 10 yrs has passed and I can't think of my mom without crying.
The 2nd time happened just a couple of months ago in Jan. My sister-in-law, very young at 39, died of cancer, leaving behind my brother and 2 young children. She was diagnosed some 10 months back and we were hoping she'll pass through it. When she started loosing weight drastically in just wks, the doctor said she only has 6 mo and we'll be lucky if we still have her in December in time for Christmas. Like you, I was tasked upon to break the news to my other brothers, sisters, father and other relatives and it's not an easy task. The last 10 months before Jan was the most trying, painful and challenging physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially…..When that fateful day came in Jan, my brother sent me sms and I had that heavy task again to break the news to everyone…..
There really is no amount of preparation and time that can prepare anyone to face the death of a dear one, a reality we all has to witness at some point in our life.
I pray for your family's strength in this trying time.
Take care.
Zea
_____________________________________________
From: Kambli , Sandeep
Sent: Thursday, April 09, 2009 6:15 AM
To: Ganguly, Manish; Caranto, Albert; Chua, Zea
Most Horrible Day in My Life – 8th April, 2009
Writing this note mainly as reminder to myself from hospital waiting room in front of ICU and to share with you.
Managing communications and putting thoughtful decisions is always difficult in life – today I experienced the same.
Received call from father-in law at 11.00am stating he needs me urgently as there is an emergency and I should reach as early as possible to Bhartiya Arogya Nidhi Hospital in Juhu. Call came in the middle of TC along with brand team and RSC. I apologized and rushed to the hospital.
As soon as reach the hospital realized that the younger brother of father-in law (age 50 yrs) had a series of blood loses through nose when he was going for medical checkup today morning and completely unconscious after the incidence.
After small conversation with doctor, realized the next step planned is CT Scan for brain as blood is coming mainly from nose. Completed the same in few minutes and we were back to ICU along with initial findings.
Few minutes later doctor asked key person to come in for discussion, who will go? And I found actually all are looking at me. I quickly decided to step up and said ok I will talk to doctor. When reached doctors cabin, the first question - Are you patient’s son? I said no – he is outside. Doctor politely replied can you also ask him to join the discussion.
Rushed out and got him along with me in doctor’s cabin. As soon as we settled in doctor started her lines – stating the situation is very bad and with all explanation …ended by saying – we can’t do anything more. I lost myself for few seconds ….. after short recovery of where I am … we discussed what next and the doctor after a long breath said – we called the senior doctor, he should be here in an hour time but there is no chance. You will have to inform this to your relatives and friends outside.
And I had the most difficult task of my life to do. As I was walking outside the ICU room, thousand questions came to mind and when I stepped out, I was blank as almost 10 faces looking at me with series of questions to their heart.
This is most tensed movement of my life and I really don’t recollect what words I used to communicate what was said by doctor. Reaction was a complete panic and tears pouring out from all eyes.
Later when I spoke to senior doctor realised that there is nothing to do …. Simply wait and see …….. for person to die.
More than 80 calls I made in 12 hours – never done before and will never do it again in my life.
Normally you try to see how heart beats are improving of a patient …. Today I am looking at a graph which is going down every hour and unfortunately waiting for going to zero.
Life will throw us in all sorts of problems. Let’s face it bravely as each day will be different in the years to come.
Sandeep
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