I haven't had the energy to blog so fat this year since event of December put a hge cloud over my career and hence life. I have working in this MNC for close to 20 years and was promised promotions if a senior role comes up. I wa denied that role in December when a suitable opening came up and it went to a junior with no experience in this category. It would mean literally that I will not have anything to look forward to in this company. I had given all my life to the company and felt betrayed and very worried about the future. I risked becoming a broken man. I brushed up my resume and went to market. I soon realized that getting a higher or even similar role is difficult since this MNC I work for is a good pay master. My job and hence life was going great last year and suddenly it became unstable and depressive. I went to a psychiatrist even to gain back my confidence but she was expensive and didn't feel that she could be very helpful. Going to office became something that required huge motivation and every monday morning, I would get up sweating and feeling cold and depressed. I would get panic attack and all sort of dark thoughts and battling these was not something I was equipped with.I learnt one cannt trust anyone in my current company.
I have so far survived because of mostly Dona. She has continued to provide encouragements and prayer. Pompu and Mondidi became close to us and prayed for us and offered their support and help. They have also gone through very tough experiences and shared selflessly their experience and how they have managed to survive. Mondidi and Pumpu asked to chant Mahamirtunjay Mantra everyday and I chanted whenever I can. I chant when I feel very fearful and wonder what future holds. We went to Iskcon and Shiddhi Vinayak temple. I think I have survived so far because of prayers and their support. Bachuda also offered his supported. Ma in law always prays for us. Mothers are mothers. Only one person in office provided any support and he was Supesh Jain, am grateful to him.
I only pray and hope that shrihaan get the best education and life possible and we can maintain our current life style and health.
We have a close small circle of friends, we meet once in few weeks to party. We look forward to it. We also travel together. We went to Daman. We went to Kelwa beach. We went to Crawford market. Im trying my best to maintain the hope that life will be allright and coninuing to do different things so mind is occupied otherwise and morbid thoughts are kept at bay.
God is merciful. I kept on thinking what is the learning life wishes me to learn from this experience. I have sinned and begged for forgiveness. I felt fortunate that God has provide us significant savings so should be able to survive. I continue to look for opportunities to generate income. I studies up stock and debt funds and invested in some debt funds which hopefully will generate more returns that FDs. I tried to learn to live in the moment and not worry about future. I tried to learn to push away negative throughts and count the blessings and thank God for all the mercies and favours received. I tried to learn not to compare with others who are seeming to have a better live and for whom everything seems to be going great. Im learning to be positive and hopeful. Im trying to visualise a future where we have everything we hope and wish to have. God is merciful.
I hope and believe life will become normal again and all our dreams will come true.
No comments:
Post a Comment