Sanity

He seemed to have entered a very dangerous phase of his life. The basic assumptions, the moorings seem to have got undone. The roots which seemed to have been there suddenly seem to have got washed away with the terrible thing that happened. Sometimes he wonder whethere he is going mad? He doesnt recognise the awakened monster inside him. He didnt know such vile and evil thoughts could have come from within him. The sudden directionlessness, the sudden anger at anything and everything, the sudden loss of value and wanting to craft a beautiful future seems unnerving indeed. He reads many stories of people who when lost their mooring and committed terrible things which sometimes doesnt seem that horrible to him and that scares him a lot. He seem to be loosing his refuge. The refuge he got at childhood in Kali temple at Kalighat and at a later stage in life at Iskcon temple seem to be receding slowly beyound his reach. While feeling that being washed away in a terrent, he tries desparately to hold on to Hanuman Chalisha.

The particular upbrining also didnt instill any sense of normal values and adherance to people that one can expect in any normal family.

He knows whats done is done and he has to do everything possible to make today as beautiful as he can and ensure tommrrow remains sane and wholesome.

He know though that he cannt afford to loose it at anycost.

He cannt afford to succumb to this. He resolves to fight it to get back the life he had known as normal and sane.