Its a loving saturday morning in Bangkok. I though got up with the same numb, sinking feeling that I have been getting up since last one month or so. Mind full of indecision, being confused what decision to take that would ensure the best future for us. I have been seaching for this answer since so many days and have been moving from one choice to next, all in minutes.
Have got three choices. None of them the perfect choice which would been become the obvious thing to do. All three of them have got apparent positives, atleast potentially and also big compromise to do. I have tried scoring them on few parameters which should guide the decisions and all notched up same score. I have prayed for answer, I have sunk to lows, I have tried forgetting to allow time to make the decision for us- all brought us back to same point of gloom, not knowing what is the best decisions to make.
Bangkok, Mumbai, Bangalore - where will we live in future is something we have to decide but cannt come to a decision.
In that process, I have got one more clarity today, that it must not be about us, it got to be abut him. It would make the decision bit easier. Loosing or giving up on pride is not something easy.
I read about her who at sixteen was on the road but envisioned herself in schools and colleges and eventually graduated from Harverd and enumerable people has helped on the way in small ways. I know the power of envisioning but dont practice as much as I should.
Life has got demons who want to thrown us to darkness but it also has angels who will guide us to light. We have to be prapared to meet the angels and guided her. But knowing who is an angel and having confidence to hold her hand takes readiness.
Talking about demons, they were playing with me when I was a teenager. It would make me observe and do wrong things. Demons took a vacantion from my life for about ten years and Angels smiled on my life, not in abundance but enough for me to think life's good. Atleast I was not emotionally tortured. Then the demons declared their reappearance in my life by plucking my mother and I see darkness slowly trying to move and engulf me. It give rise in me dreadful thoughts and sometimes only a sleeping pill helps me advoid them, I have prayed, I have tried to practice the art of forgetfulness but still their presence in my mind was quite strong. Its a raging battle that continues.
I then read about Ketut some more, Ketut imortalised in Eat, pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. I also read about Titung, a 60 year old vegatable vendor who has donated $300k to various clarities! Loved Readers Digest all over again.
Suddenly realised is dawning again that contenment is the road to happiness and thats all that matter in life. It is easy to realise but more difficult to remember and practice in life. Those who does are the children of God.
Have got three choices. None of them the perfect choice which would been become the obvious thing to do. All three of them have got apparent positives, atleast potentially and also big compromise to do. I have tried scoring them on few parameters which should guide the decisions and all notched up same score. I have prayed for answer, I have sunk to lows, I have tried forgetting to allow time to make the decision for us- all brought us back to same point of gloom, not knowing what is the best decisions to make.
Bangkok, Mumbai, Bangalore - where will we live in future is something we have to decide but cannt come to a decision.
In that process, I have got one more clarity today, that it must not be about us, it got to be abut him. It would make the decision bit easier. Loosing or giving up on pride is not something easy.
I read about her who at sixteen was on the road but envisioned herself in schools and colleges and eventually graduated from Harverd and enumerable people has helped on the way in small ways. I know the power of envisioning but dont practice as much as I should.
Life has got demons who want to thrown us to darkness but it also has angels who will guide us to light. We have to be prapared to meet the angels and guided her. But knowing who is an angel and having confidence to hold her hand takes readiness.
Talking about demons, they were playing with me when I was a teenager. It would make me observe and do wrong things. Demons took a vacantion from my life for about ten years and Angels smiled on my life, not in abundance but enough for me to think life's good. Atleast I was not emotionally tortured. Then the demons declared their reappearance in my life by plucking my mother and I see darkness slowly trying to move and engulf me. It give rise in me dreadful thoughts and sometimes only a sleeping pill helps me advoid them, I have prayed, I have tried to practice the art of forgetfulness but still their presence in my mind was quite strong. Its a raging battle that continues.
I then read about Ketut some more, Ketut imortalised in Eat, pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. I also read about Titung, a 60 year old vegatable vendor who has donated $300k to various clarities! Loved Readers Digest all over again.
Suddenly realised is dawning again that contenment is the road to happiness and thats all that matter in life. It is easy to realise but more difficult to remember and practice in life. Those who does are the children of God.
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