Sarmistha's story

Im Sarmistha and at 35 years of age, none of my confusions are resolved. Actually they have got more complicated and may be I have resigned to my fate of not getting a so called regular life.

My father died when I was six. He used to love me a lot like any father madly loves theri daughters. His death created a vacuum and confusion in my life which still haunts me. I didnt realise then but my mother had a lover those days. she got married to him soon. I never could call him dad and I didnt have anyone to share the pain and hurt in my little heart those days. Even today, I dont have any one around me to shoulder my unerased pain. They both loved me and my father was rich and all the money was kept for me. I didnt know physical heardship in my life.

Im not being ashamed when I say I was beautiful, still I am. But I never could related to my classmates, I grew up having no friend for I knew my life was different.

I was forteen and one of father's distant brother came to live in our city when I was 17 years of age. He was good 18years older than me. He was my uncle. Slowly but surely, we became close and one summer night, we became a couple. Like anything else in my life, i could never accept this but this remained an integral part of my life.

I pitited all my class mates looking at theri imature, inexperienced ways and I knew I know how it feels to be taken but they didnt. May be some of them knew but that was not known to me and thoses days, in Calcutta, it was not so common. I was thus friends to none and all my words remained in the dark confirms of my heart.

At 24 years of age, I craved to be normal. I hated inexprience guys and somewhere in my heart I wanted to win. I tried snatching the boyfirend of one of my classmates. I was sure they were phiscally close. it didnt matter to me. I created situation to be close to him and I kissed him and hugged him and hoped he would get attached to me. I knew he wanted me but he was working on changing his image as casanova and didnt risk a relation with me or thats what he told me. Eleven years later he still writes to me, sometimes and I know what he wanted.

Im sucessful in life and have achieved all the trappings of success. I have travelled the world and have stayed in Holland far too long to learn the languages there.

Only thing constant in my life is my uncle. He will never marry. I dont k now about myself. I wonder why it is so difficult to be normal and why cannt some people cannt have a normal regular life like eneryone else.

At 35, Im not living for anyone but for myself.





I was chasing someone else that time and but it didnt escape me that sometimes she would stare at me and it would linger that little longer and as if it wanted to say something which was beyound my comprehension then. I was the studious