Was sleeping when a the ringing of phone wake him up. The clock said 11.50. Someone from distant land informed him demise of his mother and details were sketchy. Several calls to three cousin brothers didtn help. He called his borther and what he heard would scar his for life. A scar that's unlikely to heal or diappear in a hurry, if ever. The art of forgetfulness was never more cherished by him. Now he could get it momentarily thanks to medical miracles buts thats too for few hours. The routined mundane life in its everydayness that he was living seemed at risk of becoming history. The discipline, the expectedness, the things to look for were all in shamble. All his life, something beyound his comprehension has kept him walking the staright and narrow road which suddenly seemed like arteries. What to life for? How to keep sanity? How to again pretend that he hasnt erred and there is no way to earn forgiveness and peace? The small sins, the small plesures of life seems like something poisionous beyound comprehensive. Prayers so dear to him doesnt come naturally anymore. The faith was the lifeline of his life is at risk of becoming nothing to hing himself anymore. The soulessness of everything is all encompassing. He is scared to like or love anything else he is punished for it. He wants it all back and want it all to remain in peace and sanity. The thoughts come, its as if there is some nudging but he knows he could but he wouldnt. The sudden vacuum is unbearable. He tries to punge himself more into work, more into sleep, into anything that would help him not to remeber.
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